Can you change your parenting style?

[fantasticfour]

I've been a parent for many many years.  Obviously right?  Well I was wondering if anyone sucessfully changed their parenting style after many years of doing the same thing.

Here's what I want to do.  I want to be more laid back.  I want the kids to want their friends to come over, I want them to enjoy socializing here, I want them to enjoy being a kid.

What I normally do is try not to micromanage them.  I try pretty hard but sometimes I fail miserably.  I feel like I am in constant competition but I have no one I'm competing with.  Does that make sense?  I don't want to make myself miserable anymore.

So here's what I am going to do about it.  We have a finished basement that we have plans for.  We are currently cleaning it out and are making the great room into like a rumpus room for the kids and hubby to entertain in (I don't tend to entertain). It's going to have the 2 large screen tvs (both 52") that are rather old and are in need of replacement, but still work.  A dvd player, cable (no pay channels) and the wii with games. I'm going to lay off homework pressure and wait for them to ask me to help.  I'm going to ask if they have homework and if they are done with it but I'm not going to be all over them about it.

What do you think?  Is this possible or a pipe dream?

[atlmom2]

I think anyone can.  It might not be easy but yes, its possible. 

I had kids in my house pretty much every weekend when my oldest was in school.  We have the perfect party basement and dh can be down there in our computer room, listening in and supervising, without being on top of them. 

[lucky2Beeme]

  Very possible. Do not be discouraged it it doesn't happen right away. My house was always the house to be at. I think because I was At home, we had a pool, I had daycare kids here so their friends came here after school. During the warm months we had 20 to 30 kids here 4 or 5 nights week. My grocery hbill was insane but I knew what these kids were doing and that was worth everything.

[fantasticfour]

Not so much as the house to be at but a house my kids want to invite their friends too.  They dont socialize much as it is except the youngest and she loves going to everyone else's house instead of inviting them here.  More a laid back parent is what I want to be.

[bizzeemom2717]

I think anyone can change behaviors if they make a conscious decision to do so..

[JenniferSq]

Yes, it is possible. I have been working had to change. I to would micromanage and "freak out". I have learned that my definition of freaking out is very different from my kids' To me freaking out is screaming and yelling. To my kids it is just the way I show my emotions too much when I react. Or reacting before I think. I am taking more time to think before I react, sometimes silence is a good thing too because it gives them time to think too. As a result my teen sons are talking to me more about things I would have never imagined. They want me to meet their friends and have their friends over. I think you will do fine. I was also honest with my boys about why I react the way I do. And how I am not perfect and I make mistakes too. I let them know that I may be thier mom and have a few years and expierinces on them, but I am still on this journey called "life" just like they are, still learning. Maybe that is a little deeper than what you are looking to do, but it was a huge change for me and it opened up alot of good communication and trust.

[fantasticfour]

Perfect example was today.  I sent two of them to take the trash to the curb (there was alot) and my little one came in (she's sick) from her room to announce they were fighting outside.  Quite loudly in fact.  Normally I would have stepped in to find out what's going on and why there was a scene playing out in front of my house but I stopped.  I didn't intervene until one walked in and slammed the door in the other's face.  I stopped her and sat them both down, asked one what happened and told the other that he would have his turn right after so no nastiness while she talks.  They talked to me about it and I informed them that instead of helping each other, it would have been better that I just sent one because they did twice the work they would have done if I only sent one.  Then I told them to take a good look at their room for a moment and then wash up.

After washing up, they came and apologized to me for acting the way they did and had already made up with each other when they were washing up for dinner!

So for those of you who've been through this, how do you keep from falling back into the pattern of the old parenting?

[boys2men2soon]

Sounds like you are on the right track!

[Not_A_Native]

Just an fyi - I learned long ago not to stop siblings from fighting unless there is blood or something gets broken.  Otherwise, I only told them to work it out (they got time limits when they were younger), and then I'd walk away.

[fantasticfour]

The problem I always had with that is the nature of the fights.  Typically in my face and yelling and screaming with all sorts of nastiness.  I usually put a stop to it because I don't want to listen to it or because we are in a public place.

Quoting Not_A_Native:

Just an fyi - I learned long ago not to stop siblings from fighting unless there is blood or something gets broken.  Otherwise, I only told them to work it out (they got time limits when they were younger), and then I'd walk away.

[momofne]

I think anything is possible and it's never to late to change. I know I had to ease up a bit myself but only learned that after many years : )