My 14yo dd has all of a sudden decided to quit doing her homework and lie to my face about it. I ask her point-blank - is it done? is it turned in? on time? and I get yes,yes,and yes, but her grades online say otherwise. I have started to contact teachers and find out the answers are really No,No, and No.
She got all As and Bs in her first trimester, but once the new one started (the same week she turned 14) they all just plummetted.
Not only that, but two weeks ago, she got suspended when she and her friends had a wine-tasting in the school gym. We've been telling her they were bad influences from the start and they treat her horribly, but she doesn't have the self-esteem to realize they are dragging her down.
This is completely out of character, or at least as far as I knew her character to be. She's gone from my sweet caring girl to a compulsive liar almost overnight. I'm worried something else is going on with her.
Wow that's a difficult one to deal with since she sees those girls at school. I would definately cut out all activities until she starts straightening up. Could be puberty, that's what I was told about my son when he started doing it but I cracked down on him and he started up.
Also, another question. Is she bored in school? Perhaps she needs to be in more advanced classes. I know that sounds dumb for a kid who isn't doing their work, but it was the case for my daughter.
Have you talked to HER? In a nice conversation, one on one, preferably away from the house in a neutral setting (out to lunch or something.
One thing you can do (and I've done when they are saying - no homework!) is to institute a 2 hour "study hall." I tell them it doesn't matter if they have homework or not - they are sitting WITH ME either doing homework or studying. If it's non-negotiable, chances are they'll do the homework.
Oh, you can believe she is already grounded from her phone and all activities for awhile. My problem is, what do you do after you've taken it all away?
She goes to such a small school that it is impossible to keep her from these friends, but we are considering a switch in schools. We are in a rural area, so that's not as easy as in a city, but it can be done.
I have talked to her so many times, my face is now blue! I talk to her alone, with my dh, he has tried, my mom, and my dad.
She already has a dedicated time to work on homework only. We both work late, so they go to my parents' house after school where they have a snack and do homework until we are off work. My dad is there to supervise and sometimes my mom so there is no TV or messing around and they get all the help they need. She simply doesn't bring it home and says she has none.
Quoting Not_A_Native:Have you talked to HER? In a nice conversation, one on one, preferably away from the house in a neutral setting (out to lunch or something.
One thing you can do (and I've done when they are saying - no homework!) is to institute a 2 hour "study hall." I tell them it doesn't matter if they have homework or not - they are sitting WITH ME either doing homework or studying. If it's non-negotiable, chances are they'll do the homework.
not_a_native is right, and she ALWAYS has homework since her grades suck. Doesn't matter if the school assigns any or not.
It would also help if the school posted the homework assignments every day, so parents could cut to the chase. Of course, the kid will say they already did it, so then you have to say, show it to me, then she will say she left it at school, then you say, always bring it home so I can check it, then she'll say she forgot to bring it home....all of which tells you she's jerking you around.
Another approach is to take the subjects she's crashing on, then go to Kahn Academy online and pull up a lesson in the subject and make her wade through it. It also has the advantage of letting her get ahead in the subject if she finds she likes it. As was noted, she may be bored.
No doubt the 'bad influence' girls are a factor. Everyone, including so-called adults, adopts the behavior of the group they want to get into. The more the group resists, the harder we try to prove we are as idiotic as they are, until we are finally accepted as being truly moronic (ever see people in long lines trying to get into nightclubs they have no chance of entering?)
I would tell her she has to bring home every single text book every single day. If she "forgets", there will be no TV, computer, or anything. She will just sit and look at the wall. Ask her teachers to email you the homework assignments daily...so you know exactly what the assignments are.
I know that our schools in Ny and now here in Fl do post all of the homework online. We always have full access to all of the homework and here they post it for the next 2 weeks in advance so if they miss a day or whatever they can still access it online. They also have a website called blackboard that has most of the kids textbooks online as well, so there is not "I left it in school"!
Quoting nishiko:
not_a_native is right, and she ALWAYS has homework since her grades suck. Doesn't matter if the school assigns any or not.
It would also help if the school posted the homework assignments every day, so parents could cut to the chase. Of course, the kid will say they already did it, so then you have to say, show it to me, then she will say she left it at school, then you say, always bring it home so I can check it, then she'll say she forgot to bring it home....all of which tells you she's jerking you around.
Another approach is to take the subjects she's crashing on, then go to Kahn Academy online and pull up a lesson in the subject and make her wade through it. It also has the advantage of letting her get ahead in the subject if she finds she likes it. As was noted, she may be bored.
No doubt the 'bad influence' girls are a factor. Everyone, including so-called adults, adopts the behavior of the group they want to get into. The more the group resists, the harder we try to prove we are as idiotic as they are, until we are finally accepted as being truly moronic (ever see people in long lines trying to get into nightclubs they have no chance of entering?)
MonkeysGrammy
I have a 14-year-old son, and there are challenges on the horizen for both of us. I would impress upon your daughter the fact that she is ultimately making choices for HERSELF, not for you, her peers or for anyone else. Also, that communication between you both is important and should be open no matter the issue. You can give her consequences 'till you are both blue in the face, but I would reframe and give her rewards and positive feedback for better grades and good behavior. Maybe engage her in fun activities where she will meet peers who are not acting out. Good luck
I agree with you something is going on. Maybe just her new group of friends. I would be most concerned about the drinking. She seems to have no fear of any thing. I hope you can get her to open up and establish a relationship of trust with you again,
I'm ready to pull the earbuds out of his ears and put them somewhere less comfortable.
- kehgiggles
on Feb. 10, 2012 at 8:55 AM