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How do we....

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 12:23 AM
  • 29 Replies

Get our children to admit when they do something wrong. 

We have two children - our son is 13, daughter is 11.  At least twice a month something happens and both of them ALWAYS deny it and eventually the guilty party admits it.   They are told in the beginning that if they just admit their actions that the punishment will be minimal - generally something minimal like - like carrying all the laundry upstairs (would take 10 minutes at the most), or taking an extra turn emptying the dishwasher.  This seldom works. 

Any ideas on how to handle these situations? 

by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 12:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
02nana07
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:12 AM
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 I could tell my older ones I knew what that had done and they would spill their guts and admit everything they had done.  My youngest one would say then tell me and I'll tell you if you are right LOL he caught on quick.

 

02nana07
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:13 AM
1 mom liked this

 If they are denying what they did when you ask I would punish them twice once for what they did and once for the lie.

drfink
by Emily on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:29 AM


Quoting 02nana07:

 If they are denying what they did when you ask I would punish them twice once for what they did and once for the lie.

That is what we have done.I have at times told them up front this is the punishment for the 'crime" and this much more will be the punishment for the story and the "crime".So your pick but I would go with the easier one.......when I have said that it usually gets told correctly.Fortunately this helped break the habit.

outtamymynd
by Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:33 AM
Here's what I do. I make them sit with me on the couch. If I don't get the answer I'm looking for, we stay there. It usually doesn't take long for whoever it is to break. There's no yelling, no arguing, just talking....and talking lol. You get the idea. Works everytime.
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Maikopmom
by Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:51 AM

Unfortunately none of this has worked with my kids.  We don't yell about it at all.  We talk to them about what we have discovered and explain that they need to be honest and what the punishment will be for the deed - which like I said is very minimal and what it will be if they lie - which can be quite significant - loss of phone, ipod, social outings, etc. - one year my daughter even lost her "friend" birthday party due to lying about something and blaming her brother.    It doesn't seem to help.  We usually have them sit with us on the couch, or we sit and the two of them stand in the beginning.  It always EVENTUALLY works, but it can literally take two or more hours.  Depending on the time of day and the weather we sometimes take family walks instead of sitting or standing around taking, but that doesn't really help either. 

02nana07
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 2:22 AM

 If it takes that long maybe they are doing it for the attention and to spend time with you just a thought

Quoting Maikopmom:

Unfortunately none of this has worked with my kids.  We don't yell about it at all.  We talk to them about what we have discovered and explain that they need to be honest and what the punishment will be for the deed - which like I said is very minimal and what it will be if they lie - which can be quite significant - loss of phone, ipod, social outings, etc. - one year my daughter even lost her "friend" birthday party due to lying about something and blaming her brother.    It doesn't seem to help.  We usually have them sit with us on the couch, or we sit and the two of them stand in the beginning.  It always EVENTUALLY works, but it can literally take two or more hours.  Depending on the time of day and the weather we sometimes take family walks instead of sitting or standing around taking, but that doesn't really help either. 

 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 12, 2012 at 7:48 AM

Mine do that and are slowly learning.  It takes time.

momofne
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:51 AM

They are still learning at that age. Sometimes it takes longer than others. I would suggest keep doing what your doing as far as consequences and eventually they will get it.

annie2244
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:02 AM
2 moms liked this

I would treat each incident as a show stopping big deal. Not tthe same as not cleaning their room and sticking your tongue out at your brother. It's much more important than that. Because it's about character. Which is the essence of who you are as a person. Which is the most important thing we need to get right with our kids as their parents. Which is the most important thing they need to get right before heading out in life as adults. I'd sit them down and say - :This is not ok. You need to be the kind of person who admits mistakes, takes responsibility for your actions, can be relied upon to tell the truth. So - lying is not going to have the same punishment as whatever you did that you are lying about - it's going to be a big deal. Much more serious punishment. This is something you have to work on, I know it's hard to admit something you did wrong, but it's essential to your growing up to be a good person. I expect the truth from you. That's the kind of people we are as a family, and the kind of person I know you are deep down inside."

mjande4
by Bronze Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:06 AM
1 mom liked this

I haven't ever had a problem with my kids telling the truth, but I'm not hung up on it either.  Based on your previous post, you seem obsessed with your kids and the "truth" as you see it.  You made a mountain out of a mole hill in the other one.  I just think because you are completely blowing small things out of proportion, and again this comes from the other post, you have lost your children's trust.  Maybe back of a little or a lot really and let them breathe.

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