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My 13yo keeps having CPS called

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I don't know what to do. At first I thought it was the school. But after reading my daughters Facebook posts. I found out its been her. Everytime she gets in trouble, this time it was grounded 1 week from the playstation, playing after school with her friends, 3 days no phone, no computer. For her grades, her attitude, and lying. She goes to school and tells her friends I hit her. Her friends are going to the guidance office. And the are calling child protective services. I don't know what to do. She is getting very hard to deal with. I need some advise
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 3:21 PM
Replies (31-40):
OHgirlinCA
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:29 PM

 I would  take her in and get some counseling.  Obviously something is going on to make her act this way.

Cearley_est_02
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:29 PM
9 moms liked this

Parenting at its best... love it! watch out Vannah!

made me think of your post for some reason.. I hope you get to the bottom of it though! good luck! talk to her school and call cps yourself to let them know whats going on! 

nana_n_kais_mom
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:35 PM
1 mom liked this

 I would let your daughter know what exactly happenes when CPS is called, and that next time they are called, she will be removed from the home and she won't have access to a play station, her friends, or anything else in foster care. In addition, I would let her know that 'you' could be thrown into jail or have your other children taken away...would she have sympathy towards her sibilings?

If that message didn't get through to her, I would let them take her. I would speak with the CPS agent and let them know exactly whats going on with the false reporting, and tell them that the only way to get her to stop is to show her just how fun it is in foster care.  I was once in foster care and I can tell you, they take your clothes and you wear what 'they' want you to wear, your not allowed to wear make-up, and luxury items like a computer, you can forget it.. they don't allow it. No more FB'ing for her then.

Mama to Briannah (11/02) Kai (11/05) Hunter (3/08) Colin (almost 3/10) New baby June 22nd!


JC2223
by Member on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:36 PM
4 moms liked this

 I would go to the school and call one big meeting with the teacher, principal, counselor, school psychologist, CPS and your DD. Have every body in one room so there can be no "he said, she said". Your DD will see how serious her false accusations are and you can get the help you need for her at school. I would also get her in to see a psychiatrist. Good Luck!

heybooboo
by New Member on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:37 PM
2 moms liked this

If you are still military, you can schedule Family Therapy and also Individual Therapy for your DD through Militaryonesource.  The sessions are covered through Tricare.

If not, I would then contact the school and meet with the guidance counselor.  Let them know that your family just moved here, and it seems your Daughter is not coping well with the changes.  Perhaps they can talk to her during school, and have some recommendations in regards to pediatric therapists that would be available to help teach your Daughter better coping skills.

I would then personally tell my child that she will continued to be grounded until her behavior changes for the positive.  Set up a schedule she can follow, and give her very clear boundaries.

We have had to move quite a few times, and the kids always needed time to adjust and settle into the new environment.  We did our best to keep our family routine's consistent.  But there is still a need for adjustment for them.

gotnothinonme
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:42 PM
8 moms liked this

First, personally I'd be cancelling her FB account, secondly I would be signing up with her to volunteer in the community so that she can see how badly some really have it, I'd also make an appointment with her teachers/school counselors/cps if they're involved and pediatrician to discuss the issue openly and WITH your daughter- lying can become tricky when you have to do it face to face and everyone already knows you're lying, finally- I would be on her like white on rice - I'd be living so close to her that I'd be handing her the TP when she wants to wipe her tushy, I would be her SHADOW- walking her to classes, monitoring her every moment- until she learned to be truthful. It's a huge pain to have to do this but more importantly it's a HUGE reminder to HER what happens when you lose trust.

I don't know if any of that will work in your case, but I do hope you find some way to address it, your situation sounds scary and serious, and unfair to the entire family just because your daughter wants to bully you out of punishing her for behavoir- good luck to you and your family~


drfink
by Emily on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:45 PM

First thing is to keep copies of her F.B., then take the offensive position contacting the school and C.P.S..Don't blame the school they are following what they are mandated to do.Also set up the consequences for lying ...that is what she did and find a specialist with anger issues in adolescents.She might refuse but make this one of battles you choose to enforce.Follow through with what you would do for disobeying you.

Good luck !

kaffedrikke
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:47 PM
3 moms liked this
Do some research on Tough Love. Time to take everything away from her the room is stripped bare and her clothing food and water is what shes given. Theres no after school activities tv computer cell phone etc. She must earn everything.
Mikayla_lynn
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I would talk to your daughter and find out what is going on. I went through VERY similar situation at that age. I was raped by my stepbrother and didn't have anyway of telling people what happened. So I acted out, and tried to get attention. I also told the guidence office that my dad hit me, I regret it so much but that is what I did and I DO NOT need to be bashed for it. My dad and I have talked about it and he has forgiven me. But there is ALWAYS a reason for this behavior. I am not saying your daughter was raped!! But there is something that she needs you to hear! Go to her first, and dont give up! It will take time, but that is clearly what she needs. Good luck mama! I hope you can find a solution soon!

Sweets27
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:52 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting atlmom2:

I would give her something to call them for.  That wouldn't fly in my house. 

 This is what my mom told my sister when she was a teen. She threatened my mom with calling cps..

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