reference 4 a 16yr. old?

[mrgetinold]

Need to know if i did something wrong, go ahead i think i can take it maybe, my dd got into a program where she needed to volunteer which times have changed since my dayz where u just signed up and showed up, now first u gotta find a place,then mounds of paper work, before they accept u,and understand these days they have to be careful, we even paid for a background check, she needed 3 personal references they couldnt be family,her school has a only for college reference policy so teachers were out, so i asked a family friend, who of course was happy to help and the lady across the street also helpful, then for the 3rd i asked a lady who had been tutoring her for 5 months and was from my other childs school (had been in the same class for 5 yrs and my dd has helped out in class for several yrs. also at pta events and babysitting for meetings where this other mom left her kids with) well then i get a email from this mom that she cant give my daughter a reference because she hasnt known her for a year, and then she went on to put it on me that i asked her to do this as it compromised her christian beliefs to put her in the position where she would have to lie for my dd, i felt badly, and i didnt mean to cause her any ill will and im really upset me that she thought so badly of me( im a softy and i cried) so i just couldnt believe it all,my dd had to find another place to volunteer as we didnt get her paperwork in on time with the references, and now i have to deal with this other mom at school who thinks i tried to use her and ask her to do something wrong, and i still feel awful over all of it, i think i would give a sibling of another classmate a reference to them, most have helped out and the kids are pretty much the same group of kids, again i feel badly about this, who would u ask for a reference, how wrong was i to ask, i hate this spot im in i was just trying to help my dd i didnt mean to have caused this to happen, need your thoughts i really appreciate your time to have giving me what you think of the mess i didnt mean to cause , thank u

[atlmom2]

Her friend's Mom's or someone like that.  I have been references for my dd's friends. 

[Not_A_Native]

Girl scout leaders, sports coaches, parents of kids she has babysat for, church leaders.  Can they be school counselors?

I recognize this as an issue - most volunteer organizations these days are very careful, and what with schools requiring community service, they can afford to be picky.  Most want kids that are involved in a number of things, and are quite well rounded.

[mrgetinold]

BUMP!

[mrgetinold]

My dd scount leader was me, and her dad coached her soccer, so thats out we have only let her babyst for the pta and my nieces girls so getting 3 references for this in the short time frame was kinda of a frazzlle for me, i too understand how careful these places must be careful who they have reresent them, the program my dd got into wasnt to helpful to help us find a place to volunteer at or anything, again thank u

[fantasticfour]

It's not that bad to ask for a reference, if the woman didn't want to do it because it compromised some belief she has, that's fine.  No biggie.  You should have told her, ok, sorry I didn't realize, no problem and then been done with it.  I would talk to her dd's friend's moms and such like that, neighbors of yours, if she works, her employer, or if she babysits, the mom's there.

[Cindy18]

You did nothing wrong, IMO. She is blowing it out of proportion.

Just let it go and move on.

[bizzeemom2717]

I have the same thought, it was for volunteering, that woman was over the top in her reaction

Quoting Cindy18:

You did nothing wrong, IMO. She is blowing it out of proportion.

Just let it go and move on.

[momofne]

I agree

Quoting fantasticfour:

It's not that bad to ask for a reference, if the woman didn't want to do it because it compromised some belief she has, that's fine.  No biggie.  You should have told her, ok, sorry I didn't realize, no problem and then been done with it.  I would talk to her dd's friend's moms and such like that, neighbors of yours, if she works, her employer, or if she babysits, the mom's there.

[rkoloms]

My daughter has been able to get letters of refernce from teachers for non-college reasons, such as applying for schlarships for summer programs. Other sources: does she do any babysitting? Does she have current/former religious school teachers she can ask? Has she done any volunteer work? Taken any enrichment classes?

[rkoloms]

Why did that woman send you an email? IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to get the letters.