How should I have reacted to this? ?

[janice242]

I’m writing because I need advice about my son, a 14-year-old. He came home from school yesterday with a slight limp, so I asked him what happened, thinking that he suffered an injury in gym or at practice. To the contrary, he told me (albeit reluctantly) that he had been hit in the balls. I asked what happened, he tried to dodge the question, I asked again, and finally he admitted that he had intentionally did something to a junior girl when he and his friends were playing truth and dare. Some of his friends asked him to do some stuff on that girl to hurt her, he tried something but she responded well to the situation and kicked his sweetspot.

On one hand, I felt bad for him because he was in pain from the kick in the balls, but, on the other hand, I was furious with him because I didn’t raise him to treat women that way. Quite simply, I was torn between A) sympathy and B) feeling as if he deserved it. 

I don't know. 

If you were in my position, how would you have reacted, and what would you have said to him?

[mommyakabooby]

I would have been very blunt "well, that's what you get. And don't do it again!"

[PinkieRed]

I'm guessing he learned his lesson already, and that he won't be messing with any more girls after this.

[janice242]

He is crying because he felt humiliated to get beaten up by a little girl..pain and embarrassment are visible in his eyes..I told him size  doesnt matters if get a hit there..told him even a grown up would fall if get a kick der...

[opal10161973]

I'm mean.  I would make him write an apology letter to her.  He would also be grounded.  I refuse to allow my children to treat people so bad that they have to get beat up. That is if they admitted to it.  It would be worse, if I had to find out from someone else, what they did.  Then, I might make them apologize on say Facebook. 

[missvickey]

I would remind him how he was raised to respect girls and would tell him how sorry I was that he had to learn it the hard way. That he brought this on himself and that in the future he might think twice before doing something like this again. I would definately make him appologize to the girl, but privately. A public appoloy could be equally embarasssing for her and she shouldn't have to take fallout from his appoloy (plus...appologizing on FB is like breaking up with someone on FB. Its a copout and for cowards. If you are going appologize, then own it and face the perrson). I wouldn't enforce any other punishment though. I think the severe pain and embarrasment over the incedent plus having to face her for an appology are enough. Oh, and no babying. He still needs to go to school and participate in gym as well as keep his chores up.

[bizzeemom2717]

I would be VERY concerned that he was doing something to try and "hurt" this girl. You didn't specify what. Zero sympathy for him, if he and his friends are out to hurt girls I hope the cops get called next time.

[fantasticfour]

I would have told him he deserved it and then I would have punished him for what he did or tried to do to the girl.

[Not_A_Native]

I personally would have said "well, good for her for learning how to fight back.  Next time maybe you'll think a little bit more before doing something like that."

And then that would have been that.  A part of the past.

[rebeccasmly]

I would tell him he got what he deserved and give him a quick reminder of how we treat people, not matter what  "friends" are doing.

[JustaSM231]

Lots of good answers.  I agree with most.  You got what you deserved.  Sucks to be you.  You are going to apologize in person but in private.  I would also give some kind of consequences for his actions, without delay or hesitation.  It may be writing a paper, or loosing friend priviledges for the weekend, or TV for a little while.  But there is also a bigger issue.  My concern is, what exactly was he doing to "hurt" this girl and why were they picking on her specifically.  It sounds like a bullying situation and needs to be addressed.  Yes, he made a bad decision and gave in to peer pressure like many teens do.  But if he was intentionally trying to hurt someone else, that is just not acceptable and a little frightening.  I am glad this young girl stood up for herself and taught your son a lesson.  But what if she hadn't?!  What if he was actually able to "harm" this young girl!  If you were the parent of the girl, how would you feel?!  If your son had been successful in harming this girl, there is a possibility that your son would be facing suspension from school for bullying and possibly criminal charges.  Depending on what the "harm" was that was being intended, I would definitely consider a punishment that fits and teaches him the seriuosness of the matter.