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My 17 year old is gone...AGAIN!!

Posted by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:54 AM
  • 36 Replies

 

i have 2 teen age girls and 2 smaill boys. 17 year old was great kid, high honors, principal's list. in every club, a gifted musician and a cheerleader. now is her senior year. she dissed off JV cheer last year and has been steadly going (to me ) in the wrong direction. she is back dating a loner boy who i hate. but lets me real. she doesnt do anything here in the home. she has practically no relationship with any of her siblings. she is gone all the time. i told her before that all i ask is that you take care of YOU and your stuff. clean your room and take care of your body. room has never been cleaned since i did it over a year ago. and it is discusting. ok big deal right.?

well a friend of the family friend has 2 kids my daughter gets along with and has helped me in the past and my daughter starting getting very close. so close in fact that is recently has gotten weird. my daughter now runs away to their house all the time. The mother claims they love her and doesnt want to get involved. like WHAT???the last time she ran away there was because i thought she should get herself a small part time job and this other mom say's to me that she feels has too much on her plate and should not get a job...

FINALLY, i thought it was a closed deal after i finally got her home and things have been ok. with the kids off of school this week, yesterday ask 17 year old to watch my boys, feed them and to just clean up after themselfs. i came home from work, boys were still in PJ'S and one of my boys cleared out 2 boxes of pop tarts. that was all that boys ate while the other boy had nothing. while i understand her boyfriend was over. dishes werent done. i left to take boys to practice and came home late. she now had another friend over. (all this without my permisssion) we finally had a talk which i told her no friends over when i am not home and to clean her room. she told me she would clean her room and then she packed up and when to her new family's house!!!  i have done everything to get her home in the past and so i feel she will be 18 soon and able to do as she pleases, i should just let her go.

by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Clubpenguin
by Member on Feb. 21, 2012 at 9:37 AM
Let her go. Honestly it gets to the point where you have taught them all you can and they are just going to do their own thing. I may be wrong but the struggles just aren't worth it.
momofne
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 10:27 AM
1 mom liked this

On one hand I agree with the above. Maybe it would be for the better but then again I can see you frustration with this other mom. I think she's over stepping her boundries. Maybe call and talk with the mom and ask if she could talk with your daughter and persued her to return and tell her you apreciate all that she has done for her but you want her home and not staying there. Otherwise let her leave as long as you know where shes at. She may see the grass is greener back home. Keep us updated {{{HUGS}}}

leslie1004
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 11:18 AM
1 mom liked this

What a shame the friend's mother is overstepping her boundaries. She is not the mother, you are. I am not sure what I would do if I were in your position. Of course you can call the police and have her brought back to your home, and have the police inform the friend's mother that she is not to let your daughter stay there. Since she is not 18 yet, you are still responsible for her, and anything that she does.

 

Pherawyn
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 11:24 AM
1 mom liked this
So sorry you are going thru this! Definitely think other mom is overstepping, but at least u know where your DD is, if that's any consolation. You don't have to wonder if she's safe. I think this mom definitely should know how you feel and you should tell her. Not easy, but how would she feel if shoe was on other foot. I'd say for now let daughter stay there. Chances are your daughter will be on best behavior for a while there, but it won't last once she gets too comfortable there. She may just wear out her welcome and have to come home!

Hope things work out!! <>
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fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 21, 2012 at 12:04 PM
2 moms liked this

I wouldn't let her go.  I would drive over there and get her.  I would then tell the mom that if she does it again, she is not to let her in, she's to send her home.

How is she getting there?  Does she have a car?  Walk?  If she's got a car, take the keys.  Ground her.  If she doesn't clean her room, wait until school is in and CLEAN it for her.  CLEAN out the toys, electronics, etc.

02nana07
by Ida on Feb. 21, 2012 at 12:35 PM
2 moms liked this

 Let her stay it won't take long until they tell her something she doesn't like and she will be back she sounds spoiled and when things don't go her way she goes where she gets what she wants.

If she does go and then comes back things would be different you should empty her room and sell anything she leaves behind and throw away the junk.  If she came back to me she would have a bed and dresser and nothing else.  Tell her you are making it easy on her so she can keep it clean.  She would also not be allowed visitors without permission she needs to grow up and learn how it is in the real world before she moves out for good. 

Deedee0115
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 1:31 PM
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It's hard for me to say this because I know it will hurt a little. something happened that has damaged your relationship and giving up is not the answer. you NEVER give up on people you love and tough love is BS...love is tough all on it's own we don't need to make it tougher. My daughter has a friend who is going through some issues with her and she spends a lot of time at my house. I see both sides because I see how much this little girl is hurting and how badly she wished that she could have a relationship with her daughter. What I am not hearing is what role you think you may have played in your relationship going bad. there are always 2 sides. In my case, the mom got a new boyfriend who drinks too much and has another son who is acting out a lot and he gets all of her attention. She does good in school but no one is there to reward her because they are focused on the son who is drinking and getting high and fighting all of the time.

I spoke with her mom and just let her know that I am not judging the situation, I am just providing a safe enviornment for her to be when the house gets crazy and that I love and support  the family. I try to talk to her daughter and let her know that her mom is doing the best she can and running to my house isn't going to fix it, but she is always welcome. They have been friends for 10 years and I have watched her grow up so it is different but the communication should be the same. She may just be trying to help your daughter who is going through some things and we all need someone to lean on from time to time.

To the post: I may be wrong but the struggles just aren't worth it.- If you love someone, it is ALWAYS worth it!!!

trzm87912
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 2:11 PM

 

I was trying to keep my post less complicated by not going into this whole other family thing. i have another daughter who was giving  me a very hard time. very explosive. As my 17 year old had trouble coping with this chaos.... i was thankful that this other family opened her doors for my daughter. THAT WAS A FEW YEARS AGO. THAT IS HOW IT STARTED. this other family (O.F.) has an older daughter that my kid looks up to but then my DD was saying things to me that i later found out was coming from this O.F. kid. even though i am married, he is rarely around and i have no family around. we became friends (so i thought).

I asked for help from my teens because i went back to work last year. thats when My 17 yo started sleeping over O.F. house instead of doing chores or helping with little brothers. so my kids sancuary now became her place to hide. yes i text that mom...first nicely. then (and this is when it got weird) i started recieving texts from O.F. kids saying that she would stay with them because they love her. then after another incident i went and talked again to this mother. she asured me that she would talk to her about coming home. then another incident while i was at work. my daughter got her period really bad at a summer campus. they couldnt reach me so they called O.F. mom. which took her to the hospital. when i got to the hospital, O.F. mom told me to leave and that she would take care of her. i of course stayed and played along as not to upset my daughter. then another incident i finally called cops. officer told me that although i could be held as neglect but because of her age...they could not force her to come home. O.F. mom just keeps saying that she doesnt want to get involed...isnt that hilarious.....

cat4458
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2012 at 3:12 PM
1 mom liked this

It's sad you are going through this with your daughter.  We have had this problem (only my dd is only 13) with Mom's of her friends are being friends to their daughters rather that MOM's.  It's hard when you are doing the right thing with your dd to be undermined by this parent.  Do you mean that the Mom actually wants her to STAY there?  If it is safe? I mean a safe enviorment over there or a 'free for all'?  Your dd may think she has a better life living in her friends house because there are no rules there?  I would never do that w/my dd being this young but yours is 17.   Otherwise, your house, your rules.  No friends over unless you have been asked.  I would say no boyfriend either, unless you are home.

rkoloms
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 3:21 PM
I think you are right. Let her go, with the understanding that she is financially on her own; change your locks. Your house, your rules.
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