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13 yr old dd threatens suicide when mad

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I could really use your help. Last night my 13 yr dd and I had a disagreement over TV and her report card. She's not supposed to watch TV on school nights. I have cable blocked on school nights - so now she tapes shows and watches them. Her report card came in the mail 2 nights ago. She has it and won't let me see it. After attempted discussions last night from which she just walked away, I told her she lost her phone/text for a week. Her immediate response - 'this is why I hate living here and want to kill myself.' - and then walked away.

I think she is bluffing, and is saying this to get a reaction. It has happened just once before. But of course I cannot be 100% certain. She has no other suicidal signs. Point to note: a school friend of hers died last year from the hanging game (choked herself).

Dd has been openly defiant to me in other ways. I don't like the direction I am seeing.

What do I do? Do I take her to counseling because 1) she might be suicidal, or 2) if she isn't, her suicidal threats are not approprirate. Or do I let this incident pass?

I tried to talk to her again last night and now she won't talk to me. I turned off her phone to follow through on my threat.



by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:05 AM
Replies (101-110):
by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 1:32 PM
2 moms liked this

unfortunately, it sounds relatively common for around that age. 12-15 just plain sucks. HOWEVER, saying she is going to kill herself over not having tv or phone? she needs a serious wake up call. I recommend having her do some service hours at habitat for humanity or work at a soup kitchen or something like that. let her see how some people are forced to live without even a blanket, let alone a tv and still arent killing themselves. 

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 1:55 PM

Ridiculous rules???!!!xxx###@@@  Ridiculous to who? 

Dear Sandsam, 

My brother is going thru this.  His daughter started cutting herself at 12/13.  Drinking around age 14 and by 15 was popping pills (trying to kill herself) and then calling people for help because she really didn't want to die - just didn't know what else to do.  She has run away several times, tried to "commit suicide" at least 3 times and the police have been involved everytime.  She is now 16 and in a facility for troubled girls and let me tell you that she may be learning more bad behavior there - as if she was in juvi.  The idea is for her to learn some coping skills as to not harm herself or anyone else in the family. 

You daughter's threats may be a  cry out for help because she can't deal.  She is a young girl who's body is becoming a woman - hormones wreak havoc mentally - and she doesn't like the consequences of her actions.  What kid does?  If she were my child I would make sure she understands that threatening to commit suicide is not acceptable; being disrespectful to me and any other adult is unacceptable; and remind her that everything has consquences.  Young people forget that there are consequences.

I would then call her physician, have her seen by her doctor to make sure she is ok physically, and get the doc to refer her to a therapist.  She needs to talk to someone.

Sending you much (((hugs))) and positive vibes your way and hoping for the best result!!!  Hang in there mama!!!

Quoting Melanie420:

thats how you act, go around making ridiculous rules, kids have minds of their own, let them decide what they choose to do, there nothing wrong with watching tv on a school night

Quoting atlmom2:

Wow, who said any parents here are doing that?  This is why its a Mom's of TEENS group.  I have raised my children and they are great kids, so go away.  They are almost 21 and 18. 

Quoting Melanie420:

well im not like many parents, I didnt have a kid to act like a bully and push the little people around just because you can

Quoting atlmom2:

Many parents allow no tv or little tv on school nights.  That is good parenting to me. 

Quoting Melanie420:

I would kill myself to if I had those strict ass rules when I lived at home, whats the difference between watching tv on school nights or watching tv on the weekend?

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 2:00 PM


by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 2:04 PM
Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Wow, my kids have someone close to them who comitted suicide and they understand how incredibly selfish it would be to "bluff" something like that....its something you need to not accept and intervene on whether it is real or just a threat. Also, I'm not understanding why/how she "won't give" you the report card? You are the parent, take it. Or, all priv such as phone, internet, friends are gone and you get one from the school tomorrow. If she still threatens suicide, time for a trip to the ER (after you take away privileges) for a mental health eval. You tell her you just can't take chances...if she's bluffing she will either then tell you or get the help and referral she actually needs at the ER.

Perfect advise right here! Good Luck.
by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 3:11 PM
1 mom liked this

Every time my son threatens suicide, I call the police, have him taken to the closest ER, and they screen him to determine if he needs to be admitted or not.  If she is doing it to get a reaction, take her through this process once and she will stop that really quickly.

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 3:19 PM

That was a sign I needed help, before I realized I needed help. It took me sinking further into my depression before my parents really realized it. Couseling didn't work for me, but she at least gave my parents a referral to get me on anitdepressants (helped!)

One my sisters used to use that phrase a lot too. I think hers was a mixture of depression and the "lack" of attention (she's child number 4 of 5.).

You mentioned her friend died from the hanging game. So I'm also now wondering if your dd doesnt have issues to work through from that. Counseling/therapy sounds like an amazing start right now. 

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 3:27 PM

Call the school for the grades and to talk to her counselor.  Some schools or school districts have psychiatrists on staff that you can meet with so check on that when you call.  If you have a problem with her watching recorded tv then turn off your cable all together.  Support coming your way from another parent of a teenager.

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 3:29 PM

Its a typical Teen thing.... It will blow over.. I have an Autistic/bipolar teen.. I cant tell you how many times I have heard that line.. Instead of arguing and fighting with her give her the space she needs.. She will eventually give you the report card.. IF she doesnt there are other ways to get the information.. Online or call the school and tell them you never received the report card..

Hounding her yelling, screaming, grounding only going to make matters worse.. However I do encourage to sit down wiht her and have a nice CALM rational talk with her.. Find out what her real issue is..

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 3:29 PM

if she continues to do it, send her(bluff or not, your call) where they help people who threaten to do it. a month or two there and you will never hear it again. threatening suicide is no laughing matter. Maybe call her guidance counselor and have the guidance office hound her. once they hear she's "suicidal" she will wish it never passed her lips, as they will drown her with all the help she never actually needed or wanted. You have options, don't let her hold you hostage with words!!

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 3:29 PM

My sister used to act like that all the time. You need to take her to counseling whether she is truly suicidal or not something is wrong for her to say something like that. 

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