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13 yr old dd threatens suicide when mad

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I could really use your help. Last night my 13 yr dd and I had a disagreement over TV and her report card. She's not supposed to watch TV on school nights. I have cable blocked on school nights - so now she tapes shows and watches them. Her report card came in the mail 2 nights ago. She has it and won't let me see it. After attempted discussions last night from which she just walked away, I told her she lost her phone/text for a week. Her immediate response - 'this is why I hate living here and want to kill myself.' - and then walked away.

I think she is bluffing, and is saying this to get a reaction. It has happened just once before. But of course I cannot be 100% certain. She has no other suicidal signs. Point to note: a school friend of hers died last year from the hanging game (choked herself).

Dd has been openly defiant to me in other ways. I don't like the direction I am seeing.

What do I do? Do I take her to counseling because 1) she might be suicidal, or 2) if she isn't, her suicidal threats are not approprirate. Or do I let this incident pass?

I tried to talk to her again last night and now she won't talk to me. I turned off her phone to follow through on my threat.

 

 

by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:05 AM
Replies (171-180):
unknownstar
by on Mar. 24, 2012 at 7:44 AM


Quoting krayzbabylove:

If my dd said that, she would go straight to the therapist... and we would also be in family counseling. I dont mess with that shit.

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HTMommy
by on Mar. 24, 2012 at 8:47 AM

I don't have a teen but I used to say the same exact thing when I was her age. ITs her puberty/hormonal way of dealing with it. Sometimes its just to get a rise out of you because she knows it ticks you off and other times its what we think at the time because it seems easier.  A 13 yr old doesn't understand the effects a suicide has, and they don't understand how cowardly it is. Its a shame but its true. If you are concerned take her butt to counseling and deal with it there. It may help, but it may make her resent you more even though what you are doing is right and being a good parent.

I also agree with someone else who said you are the parent take the report card.

shyangelmom
by on Mar. 24, 2012 at 9:10 AM
I am new here but this caught my 14 yr old has had a rough year. She was defient giving us trouble with report cards school ect then came serious boy troubles and as her moods got worse she was hiding the fact that she was cutting(I had never heard of this before where the cut to feel pain it's a way to realse anxiety). I could make this really long but won't for a year fought with drs mental health till we finally reached a breaking point by 17 yr old cousin committed suicide my dd was scaring me so I told dr I wanted put in hospital and finally I got mental health counsi long and short kids need to know they can't threaten suicde it is serious and we are parents and we will act and a person for the teen talk help family's get back on track. They have programs called family focus.
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lovingmommywife
by on Mar. 24, 2012 at 9:15 AM



Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Wow, my kids have someone close to them who comitted suicide and they understand how incredibly selfish it would be to "bluff" something like that....its something you need to not accept and intervene on whether it is real or just a threat. Also, I'm not understanding why/how she "won't give" you the report card? You are the parent, take it. Or, all priv such as phone, internet, friends are gone and you get one from the school tomorrow. If she still threatens suicide, time for a trip to the ER (after you take away privileges) for a mental health eval. You tell her you just can't take chances...if she's bluffing she will either then tell you or get the help and referral she actually needs at the ER.

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mrschambers7508
by on Mar. 24, 2012 at 9:27 AM

Should be.

Quoting 2teens2LOs:


Quoting tyfry7496:

Beating her ass is abuse, especially to someone threatening to kill herself. ALL threats need to be taken seriously because sometimes those threats are real and the next threat and the person is dead. Beating someone solves nothing. But mom does need to step up and be a mom.

Quoting mommy2alissa:

 straight up! 'she wont let me'. She wont LET you?! No wonder she is so defiant! Good grief. And if she wants to trhow tantrums like a 5 year old, treat her like one, bend her over and beat her ass, then ground her for 2 months for saying that shit. Sheesh!


Quoting 2teens2LOs:


call the school to get the grades- and what do you mean she wouldn't let you see the report card- your the parent TAKE it!


 

it is not against the law to SPANK a child! 


02nana07
by Ida on Mar. 24, 2012 at 9:42 AM

 You might also try a parenting class because there is no way my child would keep their report card from me.  Maybe a class could teach you to take control and be the parent because right now it sounds like she has all the control.   

If you can't get it from her go to the school say it must have been lost because you never received it and you need a replacement.   Also tell them you want them mailed from now on because your child is to immature to get home with them.

gavs4boys
by on Mar. 24, 2012 at 9:45 AM

Sorry you're dealing with this.  I'm in a similar situation right now.  About her report card, just go to the school and ask for a copy, about her attitude get her help.  Whether she is bluffing or not, she will know that when she acts like this, then she has to go see a doctor, therapist.  You shouldn't let it just pass in case she is serious.  Her friend just died, she might be in a depression.  Get her some help.

super_mom_5
by on Mar. 24, 2012 at 9:54 AM

I honestly wouldnt worry about her attempting suicide. 90% of people that do commit suicide do not let anybody else know that they are going to do it. Every teenager feels like that in their life one time or another and most grows out of it. i would just keep showing her that you love her even when she is throwing her tantrums.

Shellness
by on Mar. 24, 2012 at 9:59 AM

I would take her to a local center to be evaluated. I would do this for 2 reasons. #1 in case she does have suicidal thoughts #2 because then she would understand the gravity of making such a statement. After that, then yes, I would get her to her doctor to get  a referal to a counselor.

My DD had a rough time at this age too.

Shellness
by on Mar. 24, 2012 at 10:00 AM

 I never found spanking to do any good.

Quoting mrschambers7508:

Should be.

Quoting 2teens2LOs:

 

Quoting tyfry7496:

Beating her ass is abuse, especially to someone threatening to kill herself. ALL threats need to be taken seriously because sometimes those threats are real and the next threat and the person is dead. Beating someone solves nothing. But mom does need to step up and be a mom.

Quoting mommy2alissa:

 straight up! 'she wont let me'. She wont LET you?! No wonder she is so defiant! Good grief. And if she wants to trhow tantrums like a 5 year old, treat her like one, bend her over and beat her ass, then ground her for 2 months for saying that shit. Sheesh!


Quoting 2teens2LOs:


call the school to get the grades- and what do you mean she wouldn't let you see the report card- your the parent TAKE it!


 

it is not against the law to SPANK a child! 


 

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