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13 yr old dd threatens suicide when mad

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I could really use your help. Last night my 13 yr dd and I had a disagreement over TV and her report card. She's not supposed to watch TV on school nights. I have cable blocked on school nights - so now she tapes shows and watches them. Her report card came in the mail 2 nights ago. She has it and won't let me see it. After attempted discussions last night from which she just walked away, I told her she lost her phone/text for a week. Her immediate response - 'this is why I hate living here and want to kill myself.' - and then walked away.

I think she is bluffing, and is saying this to get a reaction. It has happened just once before. But of course I cannot be 100% certain. She has no other suicidal signs. Point to note: a school friend of hers died last year from the hanging game (choked herself).

Dd has been openly defiant to me in other ways. I don't like the direction I am seeing.

What do I do? Do I take her to counseling because 1) she might be suicidal, or 2) if she isn't, her suicidal threats are not approprirate. Or do I let this incident pass?

I tried to talk to her again last night and now she won't talk to me. I turned off her phone to follow through on my threat.

 

 

by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:05 AM
Replies (191-200):
hollydaze1974
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 9:21 AM
I've read this several times attempting to process what I would do, most suicidal teens do not announce it on a regular basis. I thiiiink I would have a talk about the seriousness of threatening suicide and if she does that you'll put her in a mental health facility because you CANNOT lose your daughter to suicide.
there would be a discussion of not walking on eggs shells.....etc around her. I'd also have a talk with your mother about how she handled you.
I was suicidal at nineteen and spent some time in outpatient therapy....but I never threatened it....I just tried to come up with the best way.
Brookesmom2012
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 9:58 AM

Im young so ill give you some incite the only reason she probably said she wants to kill her self is because she feels angry Defeated and trapped she knows your doing the right thing she just cant stand her punishment shes rebelling i would offer her counseling the offer probably will embarass her and make her confess shes not really suicidal if that doesnt work go ahead and threaten the trip to the E.r she will def tell you then! (im 20 and ive done this before when i was young im ashamed)

teenamarie21
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 10:20 AM

THERAPY ASAP PLEASE! thinking they are bluffing is always a mistake and leads to the actual actions..most of the time. always take it seriously!

Alison19
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 2:43 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through this. My daughter did not really threaten suicide but she showed symptoms. I immediately signed her up for a program with a teen/family consultant. It worked WONDERS!!!! The program lasted a couple months but was totally worth it! I hope that you will find peace of mind and you can both work through your problems *BIG BIG HUG!* (if you want to learn more about the program feel free to message me)

atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 26, 2012 at 3:34 PM

Also they don't threaten every time they don't get their way which is what she said.  Sounds like she is just mad she can't get her way.  I would want her talked to just so she knows she can't just threaten in the hopes of getting her way. 

Quoting hollydaze1974:

I've read this several times attempting to process what I would do, most suicidal teens do not announce it on a regular basis. I thiiiink I would have a talk about the seriousness of threatening suicide and if she does that you'll put her in a mental health facility because you CANNOT lose your daughter to suicide.
there would be a discussion of not walking on eggs shells.....etc around her. I'd also have a talk with your mother about how she handled you.
I was suicidal at nineteen and spent some time in outpatient therapy....but I never threatened it....I just tried to come up with the best way.


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annie2244
by Silver Member on Mar. 26, 2012 at 5:54 PM

When my oldest was in 8th and 9th grade she would occasionally say that - because she was emotionally distraught and didn't know how to handle her anger and sadness. She didn't have a suicide plan, but she really didn't know what to do with all her emotion, so it wasn't completely an empty threat either. She's in 10th grade now, I don't think we're entirely out of the woods for her ever saying this again, her emotions are still pretty dramatic, although it is getting better.

My kid also was a defiant pain in 8th grade. If grades weren't available on line, I'm sure she wouldn't have handed her report card over either. Everything was a battle with her that year. And her grades kept diving due to procrastination and poor choice of friends, and a defiant belief that 8th grade grades don't matter and C's are just fine.

We tried counseling but made the mistake of going in to the session with her, which made her feel ganged up on. In 9th grade she was suicidal from school stress, the defiant streak was gone, and she willingly went to a different counselor, who was young and who she bonded with, and I or my DH only went in at the last 10 minutes on her invitation. It was very helpful.

I would recommend you a) get the book "Parenting your Out of Control Teenager" and take notes on all the behaviors that match your kid and the suggested response to those behaviors, and then review them with your DH so you're a united front. b) while a calm united front on rules and consequences, you try to be upbeat about everything else with her - each find 3 positive things to say to her each day, and find 1 or 2 little humorous moments (not humor at her expense) to lighten the mood with her each day.  and c) offer her counseling, describing it as just someone she can talk to about stuff she's feeling, you and the DH know what she is saying, and she should keep shopping for a counselor till she finds one she 'clicks' with.

Good luck! 

PurpleHazey
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 6:21 PM


Quoting mumsy2three:


Quoting PurpleHazey:

 

Quoting tyfry7496:

Take her to the ER and let them do a psych evaluation or take her to counseling. And you take the report card from her. Don't you have online access to grades? Call the school and PICK UP a report card.

What's the ER going to do for her? I have a real problem with people over using the ER...All the Doctors are going to tell her is take charge of your own child and that the hospital is for the sick or hurt.

Around here if someone is threatening suicide or in crisis mode you take them to the ER. The doctors will assess them and if they decide the person is a danger to themselves or others they will admit them for a psych eval.


A few  hospitals around here have a psych ward that is in another level, they do not use the ER to evaluate to send them to the psych ward to do that.

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Mar. 26, 2012 at 8:02 PM


Quoting PurpleHazey:


Quoting mumsy2three:


Quoting PurpleHazey:


Quoting tyfry7496:

Take her to the ER and let them do a psych evaluation or take her to counseling. And you take the report card from her. Don't you have online access to grades? Call the school and PICK UP a report card.

What's the ER going to do for her? I have a real problem with people over using the ER...All the Doctors are going to tell her is take charge of your own child and that the hospital is for the sick or hurt.

Around here if someone is threatening suicide or in crisis mode you take them to the ER. The doctors will assess them and if they decide the person is a danger to themselves or others they will admit them for a psych eval.


A few  hospitals around here have a psych ward that is in another level, they do not use the ER to evaluate to send them to the psych ward to do that.

It's interesting how different places/states have different protocols. We had a student last year that said he wanted to kill himself during a melt down. Our teacher had to call his mom and have him taken to the ER for an eval if mom would have refused the teacher would have had to call 911 and have the student transported via ambulance. Mom did take him and the doctor decided he didn't need to be admitted for a psych eval.

LorennaL
by on Mar. 26, 2012 at 11:08 PM
Youth division at police here said to do just that. My son had pulled it when he is pissed. He does see a counselor. If he ever does it again, the police are coming. Not taking any chances.


Quoting amylulu1:

 Honestly- personally I would call the police non-emergency line and report that my daughter is threatening suicide.  Hopefully they will come and commit her into a juvenile psychiatric facility for 24 hours at which time they will do an evaluation.  My way may seem over the top to some parents, but suicide threats should NEVER be taken lightly and if she is just saying it to get a rise out of you, perhaps this experience will prevent her from doing it again in the future.  Suicide is not a joke nor should it be used to manipulate us as parents...


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ElyseFowler
by on Mar. 27, 2012 at 10:11 AM

I'd take her to counseling and see if you can't get into contact with parents of suicide children and have them talk to her and let her know how their lives have changed since their child passed away. My best friend used to tell his parents "I hate you and I feel unloved and unwanted I want to kill myself" and sadly they didn't believe him. He killed himself 2 weeks later after crying out for help. He just wanted attention from them and he wasn't getting it. I tried getting him help but obviously i wasn't able to do enough for him. I miss my best friend everyday but I can't do much about it seeing as he is gone. I'd just also sit her down and tell her "When you say these things it scares me. I love you and these things that are punishments are being done because I do love and care about you. I want you to be the best you can possibly be." Just trying to help. Good Luck

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