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13 yr old dd threatens suicide when mad

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I could really use your help. Last night my 13 yr dd and I had a disagreement over TV and her report card. She's not supposed to watch TV on school nights. I have cable blocked on school nights - so now she tapes shows and watches them. Her report card came in the mail 2 nights ago. She has it and won't let me see it. After attempted discussions last night from which she just walked away, I told her she lost her phone/text for a week. Her immediate response - 'this is why I hate living here and want to kill myself.' - and then walked away.

I think she is bluffing, and is saying this to get a reaction. It has happened just once before. But of course I cannot be 100% certain. She has no other suicidal signs. Point to note: a school friend of hers died last year from the hanging game (choked herself).

Dd has been openly defiant to me in other ways. I don't like the direction I am seeing.

What do I do? Do I take her to counseling because 1) she might be suicidal, or 2) if she isn't, her suicidal threats are not approprirate. Or do I let this incident pass?

I tried to talk to her again last night and now she won't talk to me. I turned off her phone to follow through on my threat.



by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:05 AM
Replies (31-40):
by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 12:49 AM
2 moms liked this

If she cries suicide, then put her on suicide watch when she is at home! No glass, no chemicals, no scissors, no shoelaces, no belts. Friday night sounds like a good night to start! No technology either. She can sit in her room and sulk. See how long she lasts.

Clean it all out of her room (and the bathroom), and when she needs something, she can come see you and sign out shoes for school, and sign them back in when she gets home. You will be on her like white on rice!

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 1:12 AM

I would take her to counseling and if she still threatens to do it then bring her to the hospital and have her see what its really like for people who have those thoughts. 

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 1:51 AM
1 mom liked this

if your dd is threatening suicide, take her to the ER and have them put her on suicide watch.  for 72 hrs she will be watched.  she will not be allowed to have her shoes (she could hang her self with the laces), or her glasses (she could break them and use the glass to cut her self), or her bra (underwire, same thing as glasses), or her phone (she could sallow the battery, toxic) or anything else they can think of that she might use to harm her self.

if she is truely feeling this way, she will get the help she needs

if she is just saying theese things to upset/hurt you, she will be completely miserable for 72hrs, and most likely will not try this same tactic next time she is mad

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 3:26 AM
1 mom liked this

I would definately get her some counseling because she needs to know the severity of her "threats", but I would be cautious on taking her to the ER for a mental health evaluation.  My SD mom did that to her and their relationship has never been the same.  That is one reason that she moved in with us.  Instead of her mom getting her counseling or talking to her about her one suicide threat, she took her to the mental health ward at the hospital and had her kept there for over half a day for evaluation.  My SD hasn't forgotten that and holds a grudge against her mom for it.  Good luck to you and hope you find the answers that you need!

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

If she still threatens suicide, time for a trip to the ER (after you take away privileges) for a mental health eval. 

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 3:44 AM
1 mom liked this

Quoting Sunshine2plus2:

 NEVER take threats of suicide lightly bc it might just be your worst regret!!  From someone who lost my father to suicide when I was 14 i would say she needs to talk to someone! I have a 14yo and he has never ever said anything like that when mad so i think this might be the start of a cry for help! Dont let it slip by do something NOW!!

I agree,& I am so very sorry for your loss

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 3:58 AM

Yeah I agree. Sounds like maybe you've already let too many incidents pass if she is doing that. Do NOT let this pass. She IS bluffing for dramatic effect for now. Could get worse though... I'm not sure couneling will help. Are her friends like this? Maybe some better friends are needed who wouldn't like her acting like that to you and would tell her. Could be the ones she has now do the same to their mom and so it's fine to her and them.

Quoting 2teens2LOs:

call the school to get the grades- and what do you mean she wouldn't let you see the report card- your the parent TAKE it!

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 4:55 AM

Quoting my4boys2002:

I would not wait to see if she was bluffing, I have a son who attempted suicide we found out he's bipolar. Get her in therapy ASAP if you think she might act on the threats get her to the Er please don't take any chances

my 17 year old daughter does this when she is not on her meds for bipolar please get her to a doctor A.S.A.P
by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 6:04 AM
1 mom liked this

you should take every threat seriously.

my friend once said "i know what it feels like to want to die."  we thought she meant a past feeling. a few months later she was gone.

by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 6:07 AM


by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 6:55 AM
1 mom liked this

I actually have been through this! My older sons father killed himself 11 years ago. My younger son is only 15. So, he is not old enough to remember the immediate effects. But, he does remember some of it.

So when he was 13/14 he would threaten to kill himself! He thought it was a way of getting what he wanted! It never worked!

He did not think what he was doing, and said it in front of my older son! Well that brought out all sorts of feelings in him. He went over how it felt not to have your dad at your graduation, how it felt never to hear happy birthday again from him, how it felt never to talk to him again. Then he went into how it would affect all of us, and he went into some serious detail! It worked for a while.

Then just after his 15th birthday a friend of his killed herself! She had real issues, and not just a parent trying to be a parent!

The words have not left his mouth since!

I never took my younger sons threats for anything other then a control method, which he never won with! His brother obviously took to heart! But, he eventually stopped saying it!

Oh and I almost forgot, my daughter did threaten to kill herself once (not that I forgot about it, but I did not mention it above). She is 19. She was about 15 at the time. She had to be admitted for 6 hours, and go through all sorts of counseling. That was a serious issue. She was taken by us, but the police became involved when we got there, because she was so erratic. He was with us when that happened, and I think that is when he thought he could start using it to get what he wants!

But, it never worked!

As far as the grades, honestly I don't see anything wrong with her recording her shows and watching them on the weekends, as long as her work is getting done! But, if she is struggling in school, she made need some extra help and not want to admit it!

When she is calm, you need to sit her down and talk to her! Tell her that you are on her side. Remind her that you were a teen at one time, and understand that she is struggling with life's issues! Then tell her that her TV and phone were not taken away as a punishment per say, but as a way to help her focus on what is necessary! Then tell her that it hurts you when she threatens to hurt herself. Ask her if she needs to talk to someone. (although I agree with others that she is in need of some counselling) But during this conversation, try to keep things on her level. Do not mention her friend that died the year before. You will just be giving her an excuse to continue to use it!

Good luck! That age is hard on the parents as well as the child!

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