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13 yr old dd threatens suicide when mad

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I could really use your help. Last night my 13 yr dd and I had a disagreement over TV and her report card. She's not supposed to watch TV on school nights. I have cable blocked on school nights - so now she tapes shows and watches them. Her report card came in the mail 2 nights ago. She has it and won't let me see it. After attempted discussions last night from which she just walked away, I told her she lost her phone/text for a week. Her immediate response - 'this is why I hate living here and want to kill myself.' - and then walked away.

I think she is bluffing, and is saying this to get a reaction. It has happened just once before. But of course I cannot be 100% certain. She has no other suicidal signs. Point to note: a school friend of hers died last year from the hanging game (choked herself).

Dd has been openly defiant to me in other ways. I don't like the direction I am seeing.

What do I do? Do I take her to counseling because 1) she might be suicidal, or 2) if she isn't, her suicidal threats are not approprirate. Or do I let this incident pass?

I tried to talk to her again last night and now she won't talk to me. I turned off her phone to follow through on my threat.

 

 

by on Mar. 22, 2012 at 9:05 AM
Replies (61-70):
Maevelyn
by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 9:15 AM

I knew a girl in highschool who's dramatic suicide threats escalated into attempts. She didn't want to die (she told me as much) she just wanted her mom to know how "terrible" she was. She would buy a bunch of pills swallow them and then tell her mom or call 911. My sister was the one who eventually pointed out to her that she was bound to get it right on accident eventually. Kids will do incredibly stupid stuff just to be 'right.'

Quoting tyfry7496:

Regardless, she needs to know its unacceptable to do and she won't get away with her behavior.

Quoting sandie66:

Not that you should not believe her, but it is very known that MOST people who threaten suicide or talk about it all willy nilly like that, don't really mean it. 


tyfry7496
by Silver Member on Mar. 23, 2012 at 9:17 AM
2 moms liked this
I have NO fears. My son was raised to RESPECT me and other adults. He was taught to solve problems without any form of hitting. He has not been spanked and he's one of the most respectful, well behaved teenagers I have ever seen. My son has threatened suicide in elementary school and everyone took it very seriously. But never once did anyone say to beat his ass. There is too much violence in this world as it is, children need to be taught how to solve problems without more.

And I WILL NOT CONTINUE DEBATING THIS. I have MY views you have yours.

And I wasn't pointing out a fear but what WILL happen if a child says to a teacher that a parent beat their ass. I have seen it happen.


Quoting 2teens2LOs:

 


Quoting tyfry7496:

It is to "beat her ass". Spanking a teenager is not going to help anything, this possibly manipulative teenager can go to school and report that her mother "beat" her and then mom and family goes through a CPS evaluation.

"Beating her ass" of a child with possible mental health issues is wrong. Threatening suicide is never a joke and doesn't warrant a beating. Some people who KILL themselves show NO symptoms or joke around about it.



Quoting 2teens2LOs:


 



Quoting tyfry7496:

Beating her ass is abuse, especially to someone threatening to kill herself. ALL threats need to be taken seriously because sometimes those threats are real and the next threat and the person is dead. Beating someone solves nothing. But mom does need to step up and be a mom.



Quoting mommy2alissa:



 straight up! 'she wont let me'. She wont LET you?! No wonder she is so defiant! Good grief. And if she wants to trhow tantrums like a 5 year old, treat her like one, bend her over and beat her ass, then ground her for 2 months for saying that shit. Sheesh!




Quoting 2teens2LOs:




call the school to get the grades- and what do you mean she wouldn't let you see the report card- your the parent TAKE it!




 



it is not against the law to SPANK a child! 


fear like yours, is why kids are running the world today! Call it spanking, whooping, busting an ass, beating an ass- its ALL the same- as long as it in not a true "beating"


I might also say, maybe a spanking when littler would have prevented all of this.
 

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jessi2girls
by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 9:26 AM

no, I don't think she's bluffing. If suicide and other like thougthts weren't on her mind, it's very doubtful that she even would have brought up suicide. She would have simply left it at this is why I hate living here.

1-she lost a dear friend to a tragic accident.

2-she's probably going or has gone through puberty, and this can be a VERY emotional rollercoaster for a young teenage girl.

Some teens fair through it well.  But following something traumatic, these new hormones and cause sooo many emotional imbalances, that suicidal talk isn't a joke. There may not be othersigns you are aware of, but talk of suicide always raises an immediate red flag, and I would take her in to talk to someone about this.



As for those that say, most that threatening it, don't mean it... actually yes, a lot of the times they do mean it.   Research online teen suicides and deaths, threats to commit suicide are often the first signs most of these parents or peers have. It's their way, to bring attention to themselves yes, but in doing so, it's a plea for help.

caytismom
by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 9:27 AM

my 12 yr old dd is going thru this. i called police on her due to her destrying my house and threatening to kil lherself and me cuz she hated her life (aka rules). they committed her for a week in a hospital. now we go to therapy. she says she says it cuz she dont know what else to say and it gets her attention. but every kid is different. therapy to getr to the root of it.

atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 23, 2012 at 9:30 AM
1 mom liked this

The more I read, the more I see she is running the show at the house.  She needs to be cracked down on and make her life miserable.  Sounds like its all a hoax.  IF she is acting this way at 13, what will she be like at 16???  Get her straightened out and let her know you are in charge, not her. 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Mar. 23, 2012 at 9:31 AM

I would never let suicidial threats pass.  I would have put her in the hospital for it just in case.

2teens2LOs
by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 9:33 AM


Quoting tyfry7496:

I have NO fears. My son was raised to RESPECT me and other adults. He was taught to solve problems without any form of hitting. He has not been spanked and he's one of the most respectful, well behaved teenagers I have ever seen. My son has threatened suicide in elementary school and everyone took it very seriously. But never once did anyone say to beat his ass. There is too much violence in this world as it is, children need to be taught how to solve problems without more.

And I WILL NOT CONTINUE DEBATING THIS. I have MY views you have yours.

And I wasn't pointing out a fear but what WILL happen if a child says to a teacher that a parent beat their ass. I have seen it happen.


Quoting 2teens2LOs:

 


Quoting tyfry7496:

It is to "beat her ass". Spanking a teenager is not going to help anything, this possibly manipulative teenager can go to school and report that her mother "beat" her and then mom and family goes through a CPS evaluation.

"Beating her ass" of a child with possible mental health issues is wrong. Threatening suicide is never a joke and doesn't warrant a beating. Some people who KILL themselves show NO symptoms or joke around about it.



Quoting 2teens2LOs:


 



Quoting tyfry7496:

Beating her ass is abuse, especially to someone threatening to kill herself. ALL threats need to be taken seriously because sometimes those threats are real and the next threat and the person is dead. Beating someone solves nothing. But mom does need to step up and be a mom.



Quoting mommy2alissa:



 straight up! 'she wont let me'. She wont LET you?! No wonder she is so defiant! Good grief. And if she wants to trhow tantrums like a 5 year old, treat her like one, bend her over and beat her ass, then ground her for 2 months for saying that shit. Sheesh!




Quoting 2teens2LOs:




call the school to get the grades- and what do you mean she wouldn't let you see the report card- your the parent TAKE it!




 



it is not against the law to SPANK a child! 


fear like yours, is why kids are running the world today! Call it spanking, whooping, busting an ass, beating an ass- its ALL the same- as long as it in not a true "beating"


I might also say, maybe a spanking when littler would have prevented all of this.
 


a child of elementary age is on a whole different level, that's not a fake cry out for attention- thats a child needing help, IMO. Big difference from a defiant teen running over thier parent. No debate- everyone parents differently.

samurai_chica
by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 9:52 AM
2 moms liked this

Somewhere along the line, she learned how to be quite the manipulator. Usually, kids & teens learn how to manipulate because their parents don't keep their foot down.

I definitely suggest counseling...or if you REALLY want to scare her, you can admit her into a psych ward where they'll be forced to keep her for a few days...lol...that is what my mother did to my sister.

My sister tried to tell my mom all the time that she was going to commit suicide if she didn't get her way. Well...since my sister was a minor, my mom called the ambulance one day & told them she is threatening suicide. They kept my sister for 2 nights at a psych ward....and she NEVER threatened suicide again.

That would be a tough decision to make, but to this day...i high five my mom for putting my sisters foot where her mouth was.

sashamom03
by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 9:59 AM
Are there signs that she is suicidal, I mean really. Is she taking care of herself like, bathing, brushing teeth and hair? Does she have many friends? I'm sure she does cause of her own phone and able to text. I think she is saying she wants to commit suicide just to get a reaction from you or a rise.
Lisa
Azzura
by on Mar. 23, 2012 at 10:00 AM
She does just sound like a dramatic teenager who doesn't want to reveal her grades to be honest. But I would keep an eye on her to be on the safe side. There are teens and adults who seriously do threaten suicide to manipulate other people, they have behavioral and personality disorders and end up in inpatient treatment. From what I've read this does not sound like your dd. I would call her out by saying that we don't threaten to harm ourselves or others in this house and if she can't be trusted to keep herself safe then she will find herself in treatment. If you find out she has a plan or you find writings or dangerous contraband then you are smart to call the authorities and have her evaluated for suicidal ideation. If you feel she is just being defiant and dramatic I would be tempted to tell her that if it's as bad as she says she can feel free to find herself a better situation. That's just me, I've worked with several suicidal teens and adults.
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