An incident has happened at school which has my husband and I fuming.
In my daughters computer class the teacher had a sub one day a couple of weeks ago. The teacher had left a couple of assignments to be done while she was gone. My daughter did one of them and printed it up and turned it in then she went to the bathroom. She did leave her computer on because she was going to come back to do the other assignment. While she was in the bathroom, two other students went to her computer and printed up her work and turned it in as there's. My daughter did walk back in to the room and saw them leaving her computer so she kind of knew that something had happened but didn't make an issue about it because the sub was kind of "ditsy" sub and she doesn't feel she would have done anything about it.
When the teacher got back, she announced in front of the class about the cheating and when asked by another student who did it narrowed it down to the two other girls and my daughter by process of elimination (saying who it was not because they weren't here and other ways-leaving it down to my daughter and the girls). The assistant principal (the one who takes care of discipline) is saying that she had the opportunity to say something then to defend herself but no child is going to do that in front of a whole class and even if she asks the teacher can I go talk to you out in the hall, that would almost be the same thing. Anyway, the assistant principal is using that and the fact that my daughters story doesn't match up with the other girls stories to think she is the one lying. The punishment being passed down is that a "0" will be given on both assignments in question. She is also being assigned to "Friday Night Live" (going to sit in the library for a couple of hours on Friday night).
When my husband and I got an e-mail about the incident from the teacher saying that our daughter had been involved in cheating, we were angry at her and going to put forth more discipline at home. She gave us her side of the story and was very adamant about her innocence. We told her that if she is innocent, then these girls are not her friends. (one of them she never saw as a friend but one of them she thought was.) She then dropped that friend from her Face-book list. Sunday night, the "friend" sent her a text asking if my daughter was mad at her. Then through the texting conversation the girl confirmed my daughters story. That allowed us to have the other girl say it in writing, so we had the proof. We then took her phone to show to the assistant principal so she could see the texts from the other girl confirming our daughters story. She wasn't there so we took it to the head principal. He saw the texts and realized what happened. He then told the assistant principal. She then called my daughter in and told her that she is still going to have to go through the same discipline as the other girls anyway, only because she wasn't able to find the time to tell on the other students in a private way. The assistant principal is now calling it "Academic Dishonesty".
Though I understand that, "YES", she should have ratted out the other students, but she is not a cheater and should not have the same punishment as them if any at all. She is a 14 year old freshman and does not have experience with stuff like this. She has never been in any sort of trouble. Even as adults, we don't always know what we should do to handle things until we think about it later. Even some victims of crime, like rape or something, don't come forward right away but we don't punish them for being a victim. We feel like that is what they are doing to our daughter. I think the purpose of punishing our children is to "teach" them the "right" thing. All the school is teaching to my daughter through this is that she can not trust any of the teachers or administrators at school. And that is sad.
Sorry this has been so long and maybe kind of confusing-it sould be longer.
I would like to hear what you all think about all this. Is my daughter a cheater? Or just a victim?
We would still like to getr her name cleared, have the grades she earned re-instated and make sure it is completely off her record. We have already been through it with the principal, How would you handle it?
I want to hear your opinions.
I disagree. My son was accused of cheating in his spanish class. It was a group project where one of the boys plagerized something. Only because my sons name was on the project they all got 0 because of this boy (I saw what my son did towards the project and so did the teacher). I got a nasty email from the teacher accusing him (and she had done so in front of the class) of cheating. I went to the school talked with the teacher (with my son) and his couseler and nothing got changed. I think being called a cheater is a really big deal. My son was deeply offended by this and his grade dropped in the class along with his out look on the school. Ended up having some depression problems also. I have always told my kids to stand up for what is right. In fact I was very proud of him the day of the meeting even though the outcome was not what we had expected.
As far as OP's DD I can see maybe her getting a lesser punishment for not locking down her comp and maybe not speaking up but by what I read doesn't sound like she really knew what they were doing. I also agree the sub should have been more on her toes.
Quoting Cindy18:Although it is not "fair", I would let the punishment stand. She has learned a valuable lesson.It's ashamed that she could stand up for herself, but most 14 year olds won't.
Clearing her "name" really is silly to me because it's not like it's a major deal, really. When she applies to college, "CHEATER" isn't going to pop up. In a couple weeks, all the teachers in the school won't remember a little incident like that, they have much bigger things going on.
Good Luck to your DD.
Quoting Cindy18:Although it is not "fair", I would let the punishment stand. She has learned a valuable lesson.It's ashamed that she could stand up for herself, but most 14 year olds won't.
Clearing her "name" really is silly to me because it's not like it's a major deal, really. When she applies to college, "CHEATER" isn't going to pop up. In a couple weeks, all the teachers in the school won't remember a little incident like that, they have much bigger things going on.
Good Luck to your DD.
You do realize that if anything goes in her file, it WILL follow her. Her transcripts will go to any HS she applies to. This is a very serious deal.
I don't think she's a cheater. I don't think the school will change their minds, though.
If she has to go through the punishment, make sure to communicate to her that you believe her side of the story, do NOT think she is a cheater, and agree with her the punishment isn't fair but something she'll just have to put up with.
Something similar happened to me in high school (I was going down a hallway, and a teacher called out to me using another student's name and it never occurred to me I was being called - the teacher's version of the story was "she knew I meant her and deliberately ignored me)". I had to serve a detention, but both of my parents told me "This is stupid and you shouldn't have to do it...but just get it over with". Just knowing they didn't think poorly of me meant a lot to me.
I'm sorry this happened! I know how it feels, both as a mom of a girl who was blamed for others' bs and as a former child! Just persevere to clear her name, is all I can relate. Good luck to you both!
The schools already know she isn't going to snitch, what they want is for the girls who did cheat to come forward and admit (which they should) but you and I already no that they are not going to do it. Beside the schools want to punish so they are not going to spend too much time on who did it or who didn't.
Quoting wodntulk2kno1:
She did not cheat. She now knows that she needs to turn off the computer, but cheating no. I would not have her serve the friday night detention and tell the principal why she should not. Who wants to tell on someone in front of a whole class? High school is a very rough time for children socially.
I agree with you.
The transcripts are ONLY be the grades. IF there is a reason for a college to investigate further they can call the school but one in house dentition in the 9th grade shouldn't be the end of everything.
Quoting libby261:
Quoting Cindy18:
Although it is not "fair", I would let the punishment stand. She has learned a valuable lesson.It's ashamed that she could stand up for herself, but most 14 year olds won't.
Clearing her "name" really is silly to me because it's not like it's a major deal, really. When she applies to college, "CHEATER" isn't going to pop up. In a couple weeks, all the teachers in the school won't remember a little incident like that, they have much bigger things going on.
Good Luck to your DD.
You do realize that if anything goes in her file, it WILL follow her. Her transcripts will go to any HS she applies to. This is a very serious deal.
IMO, your daughter isn't a cheater. Maybe she should have told the ditsy substitute teacher, but like you said-- probably nothing would have come of it. I remember subs like that....they are somewhat useless, just want the assignment done and the paycheck at the end of the day (not saying that's bad-- they're just filling in-- but most don't know enough to be able to help in a scenario like that).
At age 14, you do not have the reasoning, logic, or experience of most adults. Then add the social / peer pressure of wanting to be liked (a big deal for most girls), needing to fit in, and how other kids can make your life hell if you "rat" them out. There is also an intimidation factor for a 14 y/o girl versus an entire classroom, a teacher, and a principal. For shy kids this would resemble taking on "the world"....and many would not say much. Your daughter not only explained it, but was careful enough to get confirmation via text.
I think she did the best she could, and should continue to stick to her story. As long as you and her father explain to her to speak up sooner next time, and make sure not to cheat herself, then she's innocent.
Sometimes, you truly can't win. High school can be awesome sometimes, and other times, it's a landmine.
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- stephs5isenough
on Apr. 4, 2012 at 11:51 AM