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Fourteen Year Old Having Sex!

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Hi, my fourteen year old daughter recently told me she was having sex with a seventeen year old boy who I knew she had been interested in him in the past but I told her she was too young. I share custody with her father 50/50 which is not good because her father and I have a barely civil relationship. I have rules and structure in my home while he is all over the board and inconsistent with discipline. Speaking to him is difficult because it is his way his home his rules. Getting on the same page with him is impossible. Anyway, I called her school and found out she was skipping 20+ classes within a six week period. She has been having sex at this boy's home while his mom is at work. I picked her up from school to take her to her doctor's because of her choice she has made to get checked and explore options for birth control. I took her to her dad's prior to the appointment to pack her belonging's for her week with me. She called from inside his home to tell me she wants to live with her dad. I was devastated. I called the police knowing there was nothing they could do. I called her father several times to no avail. He wants me to leave her with him. I said no. She is running from discipline. I filed with the Friend Of The Court violation of parenting time. My heart aches horribly, knowing my daughter is heading down a negative path and I want to help her but this 50/50 crap is hindering it. My ex has until Monday to reply to the courts. My daughter called me to say she went down to the health department with a friend and got on birth control. I was upset because I wanted to be with her for her doctor's appointment that we missed because of her choice to live with her father. Another slap in my face was while waiting in my ex's driveway for the police, his girlfriend of two months pulls into the garage and shuts the door, she is with my daughter now. My heart aches....
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 8:24 AM
Replies (21-30):
marinemom73
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 3:39 PM

 My heart hurts for you and I'm so sorry!  My 15 yr old confided in me that she had sex with her boyfriend just a few days before she turned 15 in March.  Her boyfriend won't be 15 for another month.  She has been on the pill for about 6 months due to problems with her period already but I feared that would give her the green light to start having sex.  I hated being right.

Good luck with everything and I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts

kitflame
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 7:56 PM
1 mom liked this
Isn't this statutory rape??? I don't care that he is also a minor. ..the law is there to try and protect against this.....a restraining order is not very helpful....his mother will try and protect him .....get your daughter home and in your control...I really feel for you...act asap before she is pregnant
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rkoloms
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 8:07 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting PurpleHazey:


Quoting rkoloms:

Call the boy's parents, and ask them if they want their son charged with statutory rape! 

Yes, but that is a lot nicer than I would be.

The downside is that, if convicted, the boy will spend the rest of his life as a registered sex offender; I have a difficult time equating this situation with molesting a four year old

btamilee
by Member on Apr. 13, 2012 at 8:10 PM

I don't have any words of wisdom...but I feel for you.  Possibly get some advice from a lawyer?  I just don't know.....after reading your post, my heart aches for you.  If she is on birth control now, at least that is one less worry.  Its so difficult, because at that age...they think they know everything, when in reality, they don't have a clue.  Keep us posted and know that you have a safe place to go, even if it is just to vent!

02nana07
by Ida on Apr. 13, 2012 at 8:54 PM

 

Quoting rkoloms:

 

Quoting PurpleHazey:

 

Quoting rkoloms:

Call the boy's parents, and ask them if they want their son charged with statutory rape! 

Yes, but that is a lot nicer than I would be.

The downside is that, if convicted, the boy will spend the rest of his life as a registered sex offender; I have a difficult time equating this situation with molesting a four year old

 If he is warned and continues then he deserves what  he gets

chloesmommy777
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 3:38 AM

Flat out tell her that she is making more mistakes than anyone should be allowed to (we all mistakes, as well). Be firm...  Try not to blame yourself--take responsibility, but do NOT bash yourself. Sometimes this "stuff" happens no matter how hard you try to shield her from the dangers of this world. Tell her that you want her to make better choices for her own safety and happiness in the future. Hang in there and as a mom of a 14 yr-old-girl who sometimes is too big for her britches, also, I totally feel for you! It'll be ok, I promise!

yoyo223
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 8:32 AM
I'm a mother of a 14 yr old girl. She's not into the whole "Sex"thing I do understand abt the parenting situation while her father and I share custody I had to law dwn the law to him. I explained to him tht I'm the primary parent and I makes the rules for her and if he couldn't get with tht then he might as well walk away now. I'm not into being my child's friend and thts wht he wanted to be I told him either be her dad or nothing. He knew wht was important while we talk abt everything she's involved in the SEX conversation is something we both had to agree on having tht talk with her. @ some point in your situation your ex is going to realize he made the
yoyo223
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 8:35 AM
1 mom liked this
the wrong choice by being her friend. And like the others b4 me said go to his boys parents and infomercial his parent or parents of the situation so they can also tell ur ex if they dnt keep the daughter away they will press charges just not on her but him as well. Good Luck
PurpleHazey
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 12:25 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting rkoloms:

 

Quoting PurpleHazey:

 

Quoting rkoloms:

Call the boy's parents, and ask them if they want their son charged with statutory rape! 

Yes, but that is a lot nicer than I would be.

The downside is that, if convicted, the boy will spend the rest of his life as a registered sex offender; I have a difficult time equating this situation with molesting a four year old

You have made a good point, what should be done is the parents should be held responsible for their teens actions, sounds harsh but what parent would allow and 17 year old boy see a 14 year old girl or what kind of a parent would allow a 14 year old to see a 17 year old boy...They are allowing these issues to arise...Sure we can't watch them every min of the day but we can give them something that takes up their time...Being a parent to a teen takes more time and effort, I have literally given up my life so I know what is going on with my kids and yes someone is home with our children every min of the day
 because believe it or not a 10 year old is more trust worthy than a 15, 16 year old is. I can't wait until my husband and I can go out for the evening with out worryingabout what we are going to come home to. We are the one who chose to have children and we will take responsibilities for them.

PinkieRed
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 12:39 PM
It doesn't sound to me like this mom was not taking responsibility for her daughter.

Her daughter was skipping school, and going to the boy's house to have sex. They weren't going to the girl's house to have sex, so whether the girl's mom is home during the day or not wouldn't have made any difference.

Also, she said her daughter regularly spends time at her dad's house, so how can she (the mom) 100% control what happens at the dad's house?

And I am of the opinion that unless one never lets their teen leave the house without a parent, there's no way to guarantee a teen isn't going to have sex, if it's something he or she wants to do.



Quoting PurpleHazey:



Quoting rkoloms:


 


Quoting PurpleHazey:


 


Quoting rkoloms:


Call the boy's parents, and ask them if they want their son charged with statutory rape! 


Yes, but that is a lot nicer than I would be.


The downside is that, if convicted, the boy will spend the rest of his life as a registered sex offender; I have a difficult time equating this situation with molesting a four year old


You have made a good point, what should be done is the parents should be held responsible for their teens actions, sounds harsh but what parent would allow and 17 year old boy see a 14 year old girl or what kind of a parent would allow a 14 year old to see a 17 year old boy...They are allowing these issues to arise...Sure we can't watch them every min of the day but we can give them something that takes up their time...Being a parent to a teen takes more time and effort, I have literally given up my life so I know what is going on with my kids and yes someone is home with our children every min of the day
 because believe it or not a 10 year old is more trust worthy than a 15, 16 year old is. I can't wait until my husband and I can go out for the evening with out worryingabout what we are going to come home to. We are the one who chose to have children and we will take responsibilities for them.


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