Fourteen Year Old Having Sex!

[Goneriding44]

Hi, my fourteen year old daughter recently told me she was having sex with a seventeen year old boy who I knew she had been interested in him in the past but I told her she was too young. I share custody with her father 50/50 which is not good because her father and I have a barely civil relationship. I have rules and structure in my home while he is all over the board and inconsistent with discipline. Speaking to him is difficult because it is his way his home his rules. Getting on the same page with him is impossible. Anyway, I called her school and found out she was skipping 20+ classes within a six week period. She has been having sex at this boy's home while his mom is at work. I picked her up from school to take her to her doctor's because of her choice she has made to get checked and explore options for birth control. I took her to her dad's prior to the appointment to pack her belonging's for her week with me. She called from inside his home to tell me she wants to live with her dad. I was devastated. I called the police knowing there was nothing they could do. I called her father several times to no avail. He wants me to leave her with him. I said no. She is running from discipline. I filed with the Friend Of The Court violation of parenting time. My heart aches horribly, knowing my daughter is heading down a negative path and I want to help her but this 50/50 crap is hindering it. My ex has until Monday to reply to the courts. My daughter called me to say she went down to the health department with a friend and got on birth control. I was upset because I wanted to be with her for her doctor's appointment that we missed because of her choice to live with her father. Another slap in my face was while waiting in my ex's driveway for the police, his girlfriend of two months pulls into the garage and shuts the door, she is with my daughter now. My heart aches....

[goochie]

First of all, hugs!  I have a 13 yr old daughter and a 17 yr old son, neither one of them are where your daughter is in their lives, but I can just imagine how difficult this is for you.After reading all the posts, I just feel that even if you get this boy to stop seeing your daughter, she is going to rebel even more. I would suggest taking her to a clinic where you and she can talk about sexually transmitted diseases, see pictures and find out what kinds of medications she would have to take if she contracted one of these. See the problem is , she is already having sex and she is now on birth control.  She now has to see what can happen if she continues to have sex!  Diseases are not fun and maybe if she sees the uglyness of them it will help her .  I would also talk with a lawyer if you can afford it.  Your ex needs to support you in this!  It is crucial to the well being of your daughter.  I know it is easier said than done, but keep pushing.I wish you the best in all your choices and , you keep doing what you are!  Hugs

[rinaann]

you would send a boy to jail because your daughter is wilingly having sex with him?

i mean yes it is wrong they are having sex but maybe you should look at your kid first instead of ruining another kids life because your daughter wants to sleep with him

besides if they are both underage they can BOTH be charged it happens in a lot of cases where the parents go after the older one the other parents can go after the younger one 

Quoting PurpleHazey:

Another one of these story's! Put him in jail.

[atlmom2]

Quoting rkoloms:

 

Quoting PurpleHazey:

 

Quoting rkoloms:

Call the boy's parents, and ask them if they want their son charged with statutory rape! 

Yes, but that is a lot nicer than I would be.

The downside is that, if convicted, the boy will spend the rest of his life as a registered sex offender; I have a difficult time equating this situation with molesting a four year old

He should have thought about that before he had sex with a 14 year old.  The more we tolerate this crap the more it will just happen. 

[rinaann]

no laws are very different in every state

in some most states 16 or 17 is the age of consent

in many there are "romeo and julliet" laws which give an age range, usually 2 - 5 years difference

and in others it is still 18 

Quoting PurpleHazey:

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

In our state if there is any more than 2 years 10 months age diff between 2 minors having sex, you can charge the older of the two. I know it may not help get custody back, but will keep this boy from having sex with your DD. Good luck

I am sure that all laws are the same, 15 and under is jail time.

[atlmom2]

I doubt 14 is an age of consent.  Most states it is 16. 

Quoting rinaann:

you would send a boy to jail because your daughter is wilingly having sex with him?

i mean yes it is wrong they are having sex but maybe you should look at your kid first instead of ruining another kids life because your daughter wants to sleep with him

besides if they are both underage they can BOTH be charged it happens in a lot of cases where the parents go after the older one the other parents can go after the younger one 

Quoting PurpleHazey:

Another one of these story's! Put him in jail.

 

[rinaann]

i know but i am saying if they are both under it

lets say the age of consent is 18, if they are both under it they can BOTH be charged

neither one of them can consent to sex so threrefore the are stat. raping eachother technically 

Quoting atlmom2:

I doubt 14 is an age of consent.  Most states it is 16. 

Quoting rinaann:

you would send a boy to jail because your daughter is wilingly having sex with him?

i mean yes it is wrong they are having sex but maybe you should look at your kid first instead of ruining another kids life because your daughter wants to sleep with him

besides if they are both underage they can BOTH be charged it happens in a lot of cases where the parents go after the older one the other parents can go after the younger one 

Quoting PurpleHazey:

Another one of these story's! Put him in jail.

[rinaann]

i would recommend talking to HIS parents, telling them that you know what is going on and that you would like to work together with them to stop

but unfortunately your daughter *might* find another boy to sleep with

do they know what is going on while she is working?

I would also recommend getting more strict with the school

you can request that a teacher sends you an email everytime she misses class. at the schools around me you automatically get a call at the end of the day saying your kid was absent and then you excuse or unexcuse the absent

does she know she might not graduate because of missing so many classes?

i would tell her that birth control or not there is a risk of her getting pregnant 

[rinaann]

i see them as both being equally responsible..they both chose, as kids, to have sex

17 isnt an adult, it is a child

they are two teens wanting to have sex

i think that is much different than an adult trying to have sex with a child

i wouldnt want a kid to be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life, never being able to work and live a good life because of some mistake he made with a girl who consented to having sex with him when he was younger

Quoting atlmom2:

Quoting rkoloms:

Quoting PurpleHazey:

Quoting rkoloms:

Call the boy's parents, and ask them if they want their son charged with statutory rape! 

Yes, but that is a lot nicer than I would be.

The downside is that, if convicted, the boy will spend the rest of his life as a registered sex offender; I have a difficult time equating this situation with molesting a four year old

He should have thought about that before he had sex with a 14 year old.  The more we tolerate this crap the more it will just happen. 

[atlmom2]

I just looked and no state has age of consent as low as 14.  Several states are 16, 17 or 18.  I still say the more we tolerate this crap the more it will happen.  Depending on the age they could be nearly 4 years apart.  What if he was 16 and the girl 12?  When do we just turn a blind eye and when do we not?  This is why there are laws.  If the parents dont' give a crap that is another thing. 

[PinkieRed]

I found this information online, for Ohio (on the Cleveland Rape Crisis Center website):

If the offender is 13-17 and the victim is 13-17, this is not a sex offense unless it is forced or coerced.  Parents may intervene with other charges like contributing to the unruliness or delinquency of a child or interfere with custody, though these are not sex offenses. 

17 is too old to be dating or having sex with a 14 year old, in my opinion. But, I don't see any benefit to a 17 year old being labeled a sex offender for life for having consensual sex with another teen.

Now, if the guy is an adult, and the girl is 14, yes, he should be charged.