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13 year old daughter ditching her best friend for new friends

Posted by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:14 PM
  • 30 Replies

 This is my first post, just joined today.

My daughter has had a best friend for 7 years now and her best friend has one other close friend who she does things with without my daughter. This never sat well with my daughter who felt left out. My daughter has newer friends that she's gotten very close with and doesn't inlcude her best friend much anymore which is upsetting to me. Never thought she'd do that. Our families are also very close and do a lot together. I've tried to help her see that not everyone is lucky enough to find a best friend like she has and I worry that if the new friends fade off  my daughter will regret her choice of not including her best friend. Should I let them figure this all out themselves or intervene more? We've talked about it and my daughters take on it is that her bff does things with another girl and doesn't include her so she can have other friends also. But clearly they are both a little bothered and upset by this all but have not talked about it which is driving them further away from each other. I think I may be more upset than my daughter is about this though. Love her best friend and her family. Middle school is not fun and I am not happy with her lack of loyalty to her best friend after all these years. Am I over reacting and should I let the girls figure this out on their own?

by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TwilekMommy
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:18 PM
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 Well her friend does have other friends.  Why isn't she supposed to have other friends?  I've been best friends with my BFF for nearly 17 years, we faded in and out when we were younger, this is a cruel part of a teenager's life, trying to figure out where they belong and who they are, who they want to be.  I say leave it alone.

jennc1977
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:22 PM

I remember those days. I was always the ditched.

cheermom0319
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:23 PM

Thanks for advice. I guess this is the first time they ever really began separating themselves and aren't really talking much. I think my daughter is wrapped up in being part of the "popular" group and her bff was always part of that group also with her. I know her bf is upset that my daughter isn't calling her as much or including her. Just want to make sure my daughter isn't the "mean friend". Girls will be girls and this too shall pass I'm sure.

TwilekMommy
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:29 PM

 My best friend and I literally got into a fist fight back in middle school, we laugh about it now.  Just remember how hard it is for girls her age.  You can always keep nudging her to hang out with her BFF, but in the end, she will hang out with who she chooses.  If they're really good friends, hopefully they are, she will eventually settle down, probably apologize and forget about the "popular" kids.  I think popularity is more important in Middle School than High School anymore anyways.

Quoting cheermom0319:

Thanks for advice. I guess this is the first time they ever really began separating themselves and aren't really talking much. I think my daughter is wrapped up in being part of the "popular" group and her bff was always part of that group also with her. I know her bf is upset that my daughter isn't calling her as much or including her. Just want to make sure my daughter isn't the "mean friend". Girls will be girls and this too shall pass I'm sure.

 

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MrsBLB
by Missi on Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:30 PM
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Welcome to the group.  They will find their way, they need to work through this on their own.  I feel your pain, one of my twin boys went through something similar.  It does get better.  Hang in there momma.

cheermom0319
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:33 PM

Thank you! I am sure they will work through it and if not that is their decision. Finding yourself and who your true friends are in middle school isn't easy. I want to be a parent but also allow her to make decisions on her own also. Her bff mom and I talked last night about it for a long time (we're bf also) and agree with what we see and what is happening and don't know how much to get involved.

MrsBLB
by Missi on Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:37 PM
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Just watch them from the sidelines without stressing.  If you see negative behaviors towards each other, then step in.  

Quoting cheermom0319:

Thank you! I am sure they will work through it and if not that is their decision. Finding yourself and who your true friends are in middle school isn't easy. I want to be a parent but also allow her to make decisions on her own also. Her bff mom and I talked last night about it for a long time (we're bf also) and agree with what we see and what is happening and don't know how much to get involved.


rkoloms
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:37 PM
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You need to let this play out without your intervention, unless there is actual bullying involved
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MB13
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 2:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Stay out of it.  I have made a point to not revolve my social life around that of my children.  Even though you are close to the family, you can't force the friendship.

MB13
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 2:48 PM
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Quoting cheermom0319:

Thank you! I am sure they will work through it and if not that is their decision. Finding yourself and who your true friends are in middle school isn't easy. I want to be a parent but also allow her to make decisions on her own also. Her bff mom and I talked last night about it for a long time (we're bf also) and agree with what we see and what is happening and don't know how much to get involved.

Continue to be BF with the mom, but your relationship should not revolve around the relationship of the daughters.

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