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13 year old daughter ditching her best friend for new friends

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 This is my first post, just joined today.

My daughter has had a best friend for 7 years now and her best friend has one other close friend who she does things with without my daughter. This never sat well with my daughter who felt left out. My daughter has newer friends that she's gotten very close with and doesn't inlcude her best friend much anymore which is upsetting to me. Never thought she'd do that. Our families are also very close and do a lot together. I've tried to help her see that not everyone is lucky enough to find a best friend like she has and I worry that if the new friends fade off  my daughter will regret her choice of not including her best friend. Should I let them figure this all out themselves or intervene more? We've talked about it and my daughters take on it is that her bff does things with another girl and doesn't include her so she can have other friends also. But clearly they are both a little bothered and upset by this all but have not talked about it which is driving them further away from each other. I think I may be more upset than my daughter is about this though. Love her best friend and her family. Middle school is not fun and I am not happy with her lack of loyalty to her best friend after all these years. Am I over reacting and should I let the girls figure this out on their own?

by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 1:14 PM
Replies (11-20):
bizzeemom2717
by on Apr. 12, 2012 at 4:25 PM
This is VERY common at this age and I strongly suggest you be there to listen to your DD, but let she and her friends figure this one out.
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suesues
by Silver Member on Apr. 13, 2012 at 9:52 AM

let it be my dau had a friend from 3 to 16 yrs now just speak once and  awhile rarely see each other still friends but not the same it happens to everyone (and she lives around the corner sad)

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Apr. 13, 2012 at 10:16 AM

She shouldn't have an exclusive friend.  She's getting older and needs to have friends too. Don't worry about it.

LindaLou506
by Member on Apr. 13, 2012 at 10:59 AM
1 mom liked this

My daughter is 14 and has been going through something very simular.  She doesn't hang out with a lot of the friends she did in elementary school.  She tells me that they aren't in to the same things anymore.  I think it is normal at this age to make new friends.  While you learn more about yourself and what you are interested in you tend to want to hang out with people who enjoy the same things.  I try to counsel her to make sure she isn't being mean, etc. but in the end she needs to find her own way.  As long as she isn't hanging out with druggies or drop outs, I am o.k. with it.  If she starts making the wrong decisions, she will loose her ability to hang out with them other than at school.  As far as you being friends with the bff's parents, unless they continue to be friends you will probably not continue your friendship with them.  We all are very protective of our children and when push comes to shove they will always win.  Sometimes it gets ugly so my advice is to try to not get involved with your daughters battles.  Let them work it out.  Good luck and welcome to the group.   

10yrsapart9505
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this

Ya know, girls outgrow eachother.  I was prego at the same time as my bf and our daughters have grown up together.  My daughter is always been the outgoing one and her daughter has always been a little more on the shy side.  They were like peas in a pod all of their lives. Last summer, they started drifting apart and hanging out with different people and havent talked to eachother since.  Me and my friend tried keeping them together, but it just didnt work.  They arent even FB buddies anymore.  Its sad, but you have to let them grow up.  Just because they were besty's when they were little doesnt mean they will be forever, and just because they arent now, doesnt mean they wont be next year.  Let them take their space. I'm sure it will all work out in the end. 

cheermom0319
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 12:01 PM
Thanks for all you advice. They will have to find their way on their own with guidance or advice from us moms. They both have been left out and will need to work on it themselves. I just don't like seeing anyone sad or left out. Teenage years are the most challenging for sure. We go away many weekends for cheer comps so hopefully they will get along since we share a room with the bf and her mom!
cat4458
by Bronze Member on Apr. 13, 2012 at 1:30 PM

Sounds like this may have more to do w/your friendship w/this girl's Mom & how neat you all 4 could get together.  Your dd has her own taste in friends & it looks like it's not your bf's dd.  As long as she isn't being mean to her, I'd let it go. My situation was a bit different but I was trying to get myself involved with my 13 yo dd & her friendships.  She had 2 friends that my dh & I neither like the family situations or what the 2 girl's dd's were putting on fb (slutty talk) and I intervened & tried to just have them together at school (couldn't do anything about that) but tried to keep her away from them outside of school.  It backfired on us and she was so unhappy & mad at us that she ran away to THEIR houses 2 x's.  We had a real mess!  Yes, she was being defiant but we were taking her 2 friends away from her and we didn't realize how much friendships mean at this age.  We back off & have these girls in our home but keep an eye on things only.

OHgirlinCA
by Bronze Member on Apr. 13, 2012 at 1:32 PM

 I think you're overreacting.  The girls need to figure it out on their own.  Friends can grow apart as they develop different interests.  It happens.  You should support your daughter in her decisions.  If she wants to hang out with her "bff" than she'll make time to do so. 

kitflame
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 1:58 PM
My daughter is almost 14 and this year 8th grade has been her toughest....I pretty much watch from the sidelines but keep a close eye on what's going in..I did have to step in when she was being bullied ...I wont stand for that ..the school was helpful. .she realizes high school will bring more new friends...and changesI I am proud of what a nice young lady she is becoming studying hard enjoying sports and not into the make up and boys yet.....bit of a late bloomer but some of peers seem to be maturing a bit too quickly!! I remember being this age like it was yesterday....life lessons
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02nana07
by Ida on Apr. 13, 2012 at 8:05 PM
1 mom liked this

 Maybe they are growing apart it happens at that age sometimes when one matures faster than the other

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