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Scared and desprate help

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:42 PM
  • 16 Replies

Hi my name is juanita i am a 48 year old single mom.I have a 17 year old who is graguading a year early with honors. My life is in a mess. My husband died in sept of 2011 and all has gone downhill since. I work 3 part time jobs and go to school full time.My sixteen yaer old son was killed 6 years ago and i still cant stop crying.I hurt myself at work in aug 2011 at my main job than i fell off the truck at my second job they were paying for my medical and some wages and than they both stopped. in jan 2012 my mom got sick, my brother passed away and i had to go to n.y. as soon as i returned my other brother passed along with my dad. that was way pass my breaking poin tbut because of my daughter and mom i had to keep trying while this was going on my sister in law robbed me of the little that i had left. i dont know what else to do. my baby worked so had for this moment and i dont know how i can keep a roof over our heads let alone how she can even go to graduation because i cant afford her cap and gown and prom is out of the question. I worked all my life to try to take care of us and now i dont know what to do and nowhere to turn. i will be better off out of the picture i cant stop crying i just what to be able to breath a little. cant see the light at the end of the tunnel nothing is getting better and i am so afraid. Desperate and scared juanita

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:42 PM
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by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:23 PM
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Ok.... first of all... stop tallying up all the bad things that have happened over the last several years.   You HAVE been dealt a rough hand but snowballing yourself into feeling pitiful is not helping you and only making you feel worse.   Instead of focusing on all the terrible things that have happened, focus on the fact that you (and your DD) are survivors.   In spite of all that has happened you have beat the odds and are doing okay. 

Your DD needs to go to a school councilor and tell them about her situation with cap/gown so she can walk her graduation.   Typically schools have some sort of system for handling this issue.   At my HS people could donate their cap/gown and the following year it would be given if someone could not afford to buy one.   As far as prom.... my prom dress and shoes cost $24.... off the clearance rack at Nordstrom's Rack.    I had some friends that spend HUNDREDS on their dress and you couldn't tell that I didn't.   There are also charities for this kind of thing.... thrift stores, discount stores, family members, friends, bridal shops... all are good places to try to locate a good deal on a dress.  Someone may just have an old bridesmaid dress in their closet that would work perfect for prom.    If a date asks her he would hopefully pay for tickets and dinner....but just to feel less worried about money she could ask some people she knows to do some work to earn money for prom.   Maybe run grocery errands for someone who is elderly or see if someone needs a car wash, papers filed or whatever she can do. 

Your DD is graduating so she should be looking to start college or a trade school.... and for a part-time job.   If she stays living with you, she should pay rent.   If she wants to move out on her own, thats fine she is old enough to be independent.   

Please just start with changing your outlook.... focus on being more positive and be determined to find a way to make things better.

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:40 PM
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So much for one person! There are organizations that donate clothes for prom. There are tons of scholarships. Honestly, you daughter would be better off staying in high school that fourth year and taking more AP classes; it will also give you more time to look for scholarships.
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by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:43 PM
I'm so sorry! What an awful lot to deal with, in such a short period of time.

Did you ever apply for Social Security survivor's benefits for your daughter, since her dad died? She should qualify for it. I looked it up online, and kids can qualify for survivor's benefits until they are 18, or 19 if they are still in high school.

Also, I would check with your county department of human services to find out what kind of assistance you might qualify for, like food stamps, Medicaid, housing assistance, etc.

Good luck. I will keep you in my prayers.
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by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:12 PM
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Ok breath, even when you feel your sinking into a black pit without a soul to help you!  Honey I understand my story is alittle different but the struggles are the same.  I have even had to go to churches and the salvation army just so I wouldn't starve.  I've been evicted just because I was only a month behind in rent.  Been kicked in the teeth so many times I can't even count.  You need to go to social services get electrical assistance, food stamps and everything else they will give you.  Go to churches and ask them for help if you need money for clothes for your children.  Yes it is humbling, yes it is alot of work, but in the end you will pick yourself up and brush yourself off.  You will survive just as we all have!  Most of us have faced difficult sometimes unthinkable fears and challanges.  Take advise and pull your boot straps up!

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:51 PM
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If you are at a point where you are thinking about actually hurting yourself, please go to a hospital or call someone.  Your being out of the picture would not help your daughter.  There are places that can help you.  Ask for assistance.  Go to the counselor at your daughter's school regarding her graduation and cap and gown - they will help you.  If you have a church, contact them and they'll help.  There are a lot of social service agencies that are set up to help people in your position.  Don't be ashamed to ask for help.  Many people find themselves in similar positions and it can get better.  ((Hugs))

by Grumpy on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:23 PM
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I would definitely be checking for benefits and also speak to the school about graduation.  They might have a fund for those who truly cannot afford a cap and gown and see how she's an honor student, I would think they'd want her to walk.

by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 5:58 PM

Thanks ladies for all the replies. i went to over 50 organizations and was told that i do not qualify for most because i am not a immagraint,or a stray animal or preganant. I do not feel sorry for myself and i have gotton food and clothes for churches my daughter and myself have cleaned homes and cars i do whatever it takes but it is not enough, even when i can afford to buy dresses out of a real store i shop clearence racks for everything. i have done everything except break the law.and that is not an option i just feel so alone and forgotten and cant stop crying. i am a good person and do a lot of charity work with teens and churches and now i cant get a break just wish i had a answer to all the back to back occurances and they are all major setbacks.just what to breath. still scared and very desperate

by Susie on Apr. 26, 2012 at 6:14 PM
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Counseling.  Before you can take care of anyone, you have to take care of yourself.  I have never known a school that would let a kid not go to graduation because they can't afford a cap and gown.  So many kids have them in their closets and should loan your kid one even. 

by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 8:46 PM

Your life is similar to a country song. lol. But, I know that you are tired and hurting. I am so very sorry that you are going through all of this. I cannot tell you what to do about everything. But, I can tell you this:

Jesus says: "Come to me all you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28

Life seems pretty tough right now but, you will get through this. Trust in yourself and God and have a meltdown to God. I do it all of the time. Take things one at a time and go from there. In our weakness, he is made strong.

I am sorry if that sounds like I am preaching and if you have other beliefs, I don't mean to step on your faith. My faith is all that I have in many desperate situations. I cannot compare my life to yours nor will I ever try. If you have time, there is a book by Carol Kent called "Now I Lay Down My Isaacs". It's really encouraging for me. You are in my prayers. God bless you.

by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 1:47 AM
(((Hugs))) and please, for your sake and your DD's reach out for help. There were some great suggestions for assistance in the above posts.
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