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My 13 year old wants to always spend weekends over her friends house

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 11:49 AM
  • 33 Replies

she has many friends!  Every weekend she wants to go here or there.  I understand, cause we don't live in town we are kinda out in the woods and she has nothing to do here.  But I just want to know do you think it is bad that I let her go most of the time?  I do make her spend time with me and bf, but she is away most of the weekend.  Ugh, am I bad mom, or am I being tolerant cause I know she is bored?  We let her have friends stay over, but she says it's boring at home!

by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 11:49 AM
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Mel0dy
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this

sounds like a normal 13 year old to me lol

mango44
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 11:55 AM

wheeew!!! I thought so, my bf was getting paranoid thinking she didn't want to be around us!  but as a kid i remember I never wanted to hang with my mom and stepdad!!! I wanted to be with friends!

KRISTAL_WILDER
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 11:58 AM
2 moms liked this

Make sure you get to know the familys of these kids you never know. My friends always came to my house because it was rule free.

mango44
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 11:59 AM

Oh yeah, I do know them wouldn't dream of letting her spend a nite at a strangers house.  ty for the advise though!!!!

amonkeymom
by Amy on Apr. 27, 2012 at 2:23 PM

Sounds pretty normal to me, my daughter is the same way (and I remember wanting to do the same at that age).  I don't think you're a bad mom.

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 2:48 PM
2 moms liked this

Find a way to make it fun for her friends to come over for a sleepover. Do something out of the norm for you all. You could set up a scavenger hunt for them with a prize at the end. The prize could be stuff to do each others nails. Do a theme overnight ~~ costume party, camp out, reverse/revers(everything goes backwards) make your own pizza & movie. The more her and her friends want to be at your house, the better you will know your DD & her friends. Talk to her explain that you want her and her friends to enjoy being at your home.Ask her for ideas to help accomplish that. Throw out some ideas and work together.

Allebas
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:44 PM

Have you talked with the parents of these kids? I knew a girl who LOVED going over to a certain girls house on the weekends.  She was 14 at the time. Her mom was SHOCKED to find out that they were giving her DD ALCOHOL on the weekends!!! YEP!!!!! Rum and coke, margaritas, screwdrivers, etc!!!!!!! She had NO CLUE her DD was DRINKING!!!!! Her mom NEVER thought to get to know the parents before allowing her DD to go over there!!! Her DD became an alcoholic when she was 16!!! Her mom immediately put her into a treatment facility and she got sober and has been sober for many years now, but still has to fight the urges she gets!! Her parents have NEVER had alcohol in their home, and DO NOT drink at all!!!! I don't tell you this story to scare you, just to make you aware that there are some very sick 'parents' in this world who will think NOTHING of getting your kid drunk/high for you!!!! Please--be VERY CAREFUL when letting your daughter stay at friends houses!! Good luck!!

PinkieRed
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:52 PM

That's sad and disturbing! I've heard of teens sneaking into a parent's supply of wine, etc., but a parent actually giving one of their young teen's friends alcohol???

Quoting Allebas:

Have you talked with the parents of these kids? I knew a girl who LOVED going over to a certain girls house on the weekends.  She was 14 at the time. Her mom was SHOCKED to find out that they were giving her DD ALCOHOL on the weekends!!! YEP!!!!! Rum and coke, margaritas, screwdrivers, etc!!!!!!! She had NO CLUE her DD was DRINKING!!!!! Her mom NEVER thought to get to know the parents before allowing her DD to go over there!!! Her DD became an alcoholic when she was 16!!! Her mom immediately put her into a treatment facility and she got sober and has been sober for many years now, but still has to fight the urges she gets!! Her parents have NEVER had alcohol in their home, and DO NOT drink at all!!!! I don't tell you this story to scare you, just to make you aware that there are some very sick 'parents' in this world who will think NOTHING of getting your kid drunk/high for you!!!! Please--be VERY CAREFUL when letting your daughter stay at friends houses!! Good luck!!

 

Allebas
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 4:53 PM
2 moms liked this

YEP!!!! You know--the 'parents' who NEVER EVER should have had children to begin with--the ones who want to be the "COOL" 'parents?? My Aunt wanted to be a "COOL" 'Parent,' so at the ripe old age of 13, she was buying my cousin BEER by the case, and packs of cigarettes whenever he asked her for them!!!! He became an alcoholic until he turned 20. He's been sober for over 10 years now, but he still goes to AA meetings and has a sponsor and all of that otherwise, he would be right back drinking and smoking again!! YA--he even gave up the cigs!!!! I'm SO PROUD of him for giving up those 2 HORRIBLE addictions!! I love him a lot and IDK what I would do if he wasn't with us!! He was so out-of-control with his drinking as a teen, that my Aunt and Uncle bought him a cemetary plot!!!! Yep!! He use to get so drunk, he would crash his car, and walk home from the crash, and not even be able to remember 'where' his car was at!!!! :  0 HOW he knew which way was 'home' is something NO ONE knows, not even him!!! VERY SAD!!!

Quoting PinkieRed:

That's sad and disturbing! I've heard of teens sneaking into a parent's supply of wine, etc., but a parent actually giving one of their young teen's friends alcohol???

Quoting Allebas:

Have you talked with the parents of these kids? I knew a girl who LOVED going over to a certain girls house on the weekends.  She was 14 at the time. Her mom was SHOCKED to find out that they were giving her DD ALCOHOL on the weekends!!! YEP!!!!! Rum and coke, margaritas, screwdrivers, etc!!!!!!! She had NO CLUE her DD was DRINKING!!!!! Her mom NEVER thought to get to know the parents before allowing her DD to go over there!!! Her DD became an alcoholic when she was 16!!! Her mom immediately put her into a treatment facility and she got sober and has been sober for many years now, but still has to fight the urges she gets!! Her parents have NEVER had alcohol in their home, and DO NOT drink at all!!!! I don't tell you this story to scare you, just to make you aware that there are some very sick 'parents' in this world who will think NOTHING of getting your kid drunk/high for you!!!! Please--be VERY CAREFUL when letting your daughter stay at friends houses!! Good luck!!

 


FindersKeepers
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:03 PM
3 moms liked this

My sister in law always let my neice go to friends houses.... from age 13 through high school.    Niece never had to be home even if there was company, didn't have to be home for dinner, didn't have to make sure she was home for holidays or attend any family events (like weddings).   If she wanted to be with her friends, her mom always said yes (unless she was in trouble). 

My niece was a great young lady, and was thankfully self-disciplined with well behaved friends.   She had tons of opportunity to get into trouble and for the most part didn't.   She married right out of high school (which is not the norm in my state) and has basically absorbed into her husband's family.   She is in college, doing great and we are very proud of her...... but we don't really KNOW her.   She is nearly 20 now and has not been to a family function for more than 10-30 min since she was 12.   

Honestly it makes me sad.  Any time we see her it is like a flash of 10 minutes in and out.  She didn't build relationships/connections within our family because she was never required to participate in the family.   She built her connections with friends and boyfriends (and their families).   She was close to my kids when they were younger, but now they don't really have any relationship at all.  

IMO.... if you always let your DD go, then you are not building a relationship for the future.   Part of being a family is doing things as a family and being there for family gatherings/events (even if it is dinner).   If you DD is always gone, then you don't have that chance.    "Family comes first".... was the rule in our house.

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