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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

this has never happened before....I dont know what to do.

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 12:17 AM
  • 26 Replies

Hi everyone,

Im hoping that someone can gove me some insight on how to handle a situation that I have never had to deal with before.

Its always been just my daughter and I, Her father left before she was born, and I have never married or had other children, Weve always been close and with the closeness I have always trusted her. She has a fair amount of freedom because I know that she has a good head on her shoulders. Straight A student, plans to be a nurse. Polite, and very open with me about every thing. As I am open with her about most everything.

Yesterday she asks of she can spend the night at a friends house. A new girl at school whom Ive never met. I agree since, well, like I said shes never given me any reason to not trust her. Today she was just acting strange. When she got ready to leave, she said her friends mom was going to pick her up at the gas station a block away. (red flag 1) she gets ready to walk out the door, and is just carrying her purse...not her standard over night bag.(red flag#2) so by this point Im feeling very suspicious. I wait 2 minutes and get in my car....drive to the gas station and shes no where to be found. I call her and she claims that the friends mom picked her up walking. I ask to speak to the mother and Kenz says that shes driving and she will have her call when  they got home. A half hour later my kid calls and claims that the mother works midnights as a nurses aid and forgot to take her phone to work. OK!! Im NOT stupid! I call her I want the name of the nursing home that the mother works for, and I want it NOW. She says her friend is in the shower and when she gets out she'll ask her and call me back.

Five mins later she calls me back bawling, confesses that she is at a party and that she lied because she didnt think I would let her go, and she "just wanted to go soooo bad" I hit the roof!!! Gave her one half hour to get home or I would send the police in to break up the party....(I work for the Bureau of Prisons, I know people....lol)

I know this is typical teenage drama, but Ive seriously never felt more let down by her, ever! I know someone out there has gone through this with their child... some advise on how to handle this would be wonderful. I havent fully decided on her punishment, but her computer was removed from her room before she got home, and her cell phone now lives in my purse.

HELP!!

by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 12:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
misskim75
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 12:19 AM

Shes 15 by the way....

pinkyheather
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 2:59 AM
2 moms liked this

I'd say to ground her for a set amount of time, and push on extra chores. Also suspsend her visits to her friends houses until you feel you can trust her again. Good luck!

momofne
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:20 AM

I would ground her also for a couple weeks. If she can't be trusted when she goes out she doesn't get to go out!

MB13
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:22 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree with taking away electronics and grounding for a period of time.  Also, have a frank discussion with her about how you trusted her and allowed her to go no questions asked, but now she will have to regain that trust.  After her grounding is over, make a point to call parents when she is invited to a friends house before she goes.

amonkeymom
by Amy on Apr. 28, 2012 at 2:16 PM
2 moms liked this

Sounds like she's decided to test her boundries.  I think she's going to need to earn back some trust.

(((hugs)))


 

english64
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 5:18 PM
2 moms liked this

Hi you need to read scared and desperate help. As for your little girl I have a 17 year with the exact situation. After  the hurt and not understanding why, passed, I reailzed that she was still a teenager and even though we trust them and are very open we are still the parent, so they second guess our trust. Let her know that you love her and even when it is wierd for her you are still her mom and BEST FRIEND AND NO MATTER HOW BAD SHE MIGHT THINK IT IS YOU ARE ALWAYS GOING TO LOVE AND PROTECT HER. You are her mom and nobody will be there for her like you will. Make her believe that. good luck you will be fine 

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Apr. 28, 2012 at 6:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Look at this experience as a life lesson....what has been learned?   She did not trust you enough to ask about the party.....though her little escapade has proved that your intincts are dead on!!!  Use that to your advantage!!  It is a great tool to have.    Moms see all and know all, LoL.

Ground her and take away priveledges.....trust is earned.    She has to earn back her priveledges along with your trust.





luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Apr. 28, 2012 at 6:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with this, also don't be afraid to play on her emotions. Ask what if something had happened..here you thought she was safe and sound. What if something had happened to you?

Quoting boys2men2soon:

Look at this experience as a life lesson....what has been learned?   She did not trust you enough to ask about the party.....though her little escapade has proved that your intincts are dead on!!!  Use that to your advantage!!  It is a great tool to have.    Moms see all and know all, LoL.

Ground her and take away priveledges.....trust is earned.    She has to earn back her priveledges along with your trust.



drfink
by Emily on Apr. 28, 2012 at 7:02 PM

My 27 yo tried something similar.He also was a very good kid and great grades.We grounded him ,restricted access to electronics.I also told him how it made me feel.That he used the trust I had for me to go behind my back ,to pull a a con job, the whole time We were talking about spending the night with a friend...partner in crime ...he was plotting to take advantage of my trust.We talked quite a while then told him I loved him .As a college student he told me that while the grounding made an impression it was the con artist talk that got to him the most.He didn't like thinking he had done that .He had never at 15 thought about why or how it affected us.

BTW hang in there. Sometimes they test us  us ...hugs.

He has turned out great just did a little teen boundary testing.

dobrd
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 7:03 PM
1 mom liked this

misskim75, I need to tell you that you are in tune what works for you as for your DD.. I do believe she does respect you, but, as far as her being a teen it's not unusual for her to baffle/bullshit you here/there.. You are really up on 'intuitive instincts' for your DD.. I feel you can think of what you need to to along w/what you've already done.. I'd let her know that it will only get worse for her if she lies about something serious again.. Your a great mom.. Take Care, Donna....

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