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this has never happened before....I dont know what to do.

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Hi everyone,

Im hoping that someone can gove me some insight on how to handle a situation that I have never had to deal with before.

Its always been just my daughter and I, Her father left before she was born, and I have never married or had other children, Weve always been close and with the closeness I have always trusted her. She has a fair amount of freedom because I know that she has a good head on her shoulders. Straight A student, plans to be a nurse. Polite, and very open with me about every thing. As I am open with her about most everything.

Yesterday she asks of she can spend the night at a friends house. A new girl at school whom Ive never met. I agree since, well, like I said shes never given me any reason to not trust her. Today she was just acting strange. When she got ready to leave, she said her friends mom was going to pick her up at the gas station a block away. (red flag 1) she gets ready to walk out the door, and is just carrying her purse...not her standard over night bag.(red flag#2) so by this point Im feeling very suspicious. I wait 2 minutes and get in my to the gas station and shes no where to be found. I call her and she claims that the friends mom picked her up walking. I ask to speak to the mother and Kenz says that shes driving and she will have her call when  they got home. A half hour later my kid calls and claims that the mother works midnights as a nurses aid and forgot to take her phone to work. OK!! Im NOT stupid! I call her I want the name of the nursing home that the mother works for, and I want it NOW. She says her friend is in the shower and when she gets out she'll ask her and call me back.

Five mins later she calls me back bawling, confesses that she is at a party and that she lied because she didnt think I would let her go, and she "just wanted to go soooo bad" I hit the roof!!! Gave her one half hour to get home or I would send the police in to break up the party....(I work for the Bureau of Prisons, I know

I know this is typical teenage drama, but Ive seriously never felt more let down by her, ever! I know someone out there has gone through this with their child... some advise on how to handle this would be wonderful. I havent fully decided on her punishment, but her computer was removed from her room before she got home, and her cell phone now lives in my purse.


by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 12:17 AM
Replies (21-26):
by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:53 PM

Quoting momofne:

I would ground her also for a couple weeks. If she can't be trusted when she goes out she doesn't get to go out!

Well said!

by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:55 PM

Quoting zannahdeux:

Quoting amonkeymom:

Sounds like she's decided to test her boundries.  I think she's going to need to earn back some trust.


This..sorry. I did the same thing when I was 15 and I turned out to be very successful. Just keep talking to her.

Yes, I was a shi* but I turned out to be a good parent and a law abiding adult.

by on May. 21, 2012 at 9:00 PM
It is her first offense. Talk about it and see what she has to say. Yes she still needs to be grounded and earn back trust but don't just punish the offense, find where the sudden need to lie came from. Evidently she felt guilty since she spilled and told you everything so keep the door open and hopefully it won't happen again
by on May. 22, 2012 at 7:35 AM
I think you handled the situation very well. The fact that she called you and confessed to going to the party shows a maturity level that isn't as common as we'd like it to be in 15 year olds.

Howver, to avoid her cabin-feverish and hormonal blow-up duing the grounding period be sure to not completely treat her like a prisoner. Treat the extra time she is at home as relationship-building time, BUT DON'T FORCE IT (very very important). Work on a household project together,try out ner recipes, go shopping, but most importantly, ask for her opinion.

No, you are not reinforcing her negative behavior, you are building your relationship with her so that she will trust that you will accept her behavior and decisions.

A hard thing to realize as parents is when our children make up stories to gain our approval. Stop and re-read that. "Our children make up stories to gain our approval". They feel that the reality is not something that we will approve of. They feel emotionally unsafe and are scared of letting us down. Our role as parents is to nurture our offspring until they have matured enough to live on their own--in more realistic terms, all you should do is teach her how to fly and catch her when she falls, commending every attempt she makes towards being successful.

Good job for not going with your impulse and calling in the cops immediately... you're wiser than you think! And you're a great mother for making sure to have her safety as a main priority. :)
by on May. 22, 2012 at 7:49 AM
I think you are doing the right thing -- punishment, but you're right...this is typical teen behavior. It's good she called you and confessed -- keep that door of communication open, mom...and good luck.
by on May. 22, 2012 at 8:40 AM

Kudo's to you for all the detective work to figure out the truth quickly. Way to go mom!

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