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this has never happened before....I dont know what to do.

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Hi everyone,

Im hoping that someone can gove me some insight on how to handle a situation that I have never had to deal with before.

Its always been just my daughter and I, Her father left before she was born, and I have never married or had other children, Weve always been close and with the closeness I have always trusted her. She has a fair amount of freedom because I know that she has a good head on her shoulders. Straight A student, plans to be a nurse. Polite, and very open with me about every thing. As I am open with her about most everything.

Yesterday she asks of she can spend the night at a friends house. A new girl at school whom Ive never met. I agree since, well, like I said shes never given me any reason to not trust her. Today she was just acting strange. When she got ready to leave, she said her friends mom was going to pick her up at the gas station a block away. (red flag 1) she gets ready to walk out the door, and is just carrying her purse...not her standard over night bag.(red flag#2) so by this point Im feeling very suspicious. I wait 2 minutes and get in my car....drive to the gas station and shes no where to be found. I call her and she claims that the friends mom picked her up walking. I ask to speak to the mother and Kenz says that shes driving and she will have her call when  they got home. A half hour later my kid calls and claims that the mother works midnights as a nurses aid and forgot to take her phone to work. OK!! Im NOT stupid! I call her I want the name of the nursing home that the mother works for, and I want it NOW. She says her friend is in the shower and when she gets out she'll ask her and call me back.

Five mins later she calls me back bawling, confesses that she is at a party and that she lied because she didnt think I would let her go, and she "just wanted to go soooo bad" I hit the roof!!! Gave her one half hour to get home or I would send the police in to break up the party....(I work for the Bureau of Prisons, I know people....lol)

I know this is typical teenage drama, but Ive seriously never felt more let down by her, ever! I know someone out there has gone through this with their child... some advise on how to handle this would be wonderful. I havent fully decided on her punishment, but her computer was removed from her room before she got home, and her cell phone now lives in my purse.

HELP!!

by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 12:17 AM
Replies (11-20):
misskim75
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 7:18 PM
Thanks Ladies... going in for the talk....ill let you know how it goes.





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CampClan
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 10:55 PM
1 mom liked this

 Honestly IMO I think she has been punished enough. You already took the 2 things that matter most to her & she called crying & confessing. I think a talk with her on how disappointed you were with her is in order. Let her know you feel betrayed & that your trust in her has been broken. Maybe some grounding is in order as well?

39holding519
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 11:16 PM


Quoting MB13:

I agree with taking away electronics and grounding for a period of time.  Also, have a frank discussion with her about how you trusted her and allowed her to go no questions asked, but now she will have to regain that trust.  After her grounding is over, make a point to call parents when she is invited to a friends house before she goes.


This all sounds like the right advice!

zannahdeux
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 8:04 AM
Quoting amonkeymom:

Sounds like she's decided to test her boundries.  I think she's going to need to earn back some trust.

(((hugs)))




This..sorry. I did the same thing when I was 15 and I turned out to be very successful. Just keep talking to her.
misskim75
by on May. 2, 2012 at 1:51 AM

We had a very long talk and I broke it all down for her. I explained that while she mmay feel like shes a grown up now, she is still only 15 and she is mature enough to make adult decisions. (oh, I found out after the fact that she was with a boy) I asked her where she was planning to sleep..she said NOT with HIM!! I said, Ok, but think about this...a 17 year old boy takes you to a party where your going to drink, and spend the night, Do you think he wasnt planning on sleeping with you? She said she hadnt thought about it that way.

I told her it wasnt that she went to a party that I was ma about...it was that she lied. I grounded her a month but gave back the phone and computer.

misskim75
by on May. 2, 2012 at 1:51 AM

THANK YOU ALL for your advice!!

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on May. 2, 2012 at 2:32 AM
Great Job Mama! Sounds like you are being fair, keeping the lines of communication open and consistent and following through with her punishment/consequences..WTG!!! :)

Quoting misskim75:

We had a very long talk and I broke it all down for her. I explained that while she mmay feel like shes a grown up now, she is still only 15 and she is mature enough to make adult decisions. (oh, I found out after the fact that she was with a boy) I asked her where she was planning to sleep..she said NOT with HIM!! I said, Ok, but think about this...a 17 year old boy takes you to a party where your going to drink, and spend the night, Do you think he wasnt planning on sleeping with you? She said she hadnt thought about it that way.


I told her it wasnt that she went to a party that I was ma about...it was that she lied. I grounded her a month but gave back the phone and computer.

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Monsita
by Bronze Member on May. 18, 2012 at 1:45 AM

How are things now?

How is she handle-ling her punishment?

How much do you know about this boy that invited her to the party?

misskim75
by on May. 19, 2012 at 9:02 AM
She's still grounded...but only has til the 25th. I set her release date as her last day of school. She has tried to negotiate the terms...she actually asked for weekend off in exchange for 8 days through the summer...yea right! Gotta love her for trying though. Lol
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rwblake2011
by on May. 19, 2012 at 9:09 AM
I agree with this.


Quoting boys2men2soon:

Look at this experience as a life lesson....what has been learned?   She did not trust you enough to ask about the party.....though her little escapade has proved that your intincts are dead on!!!  Use that to your advantage!!  It is a great tool to have.    Moms see all and know all, LoL.

Ground her and take away priveledges.....trust is earned.    She has to earn back her priveledges along with your trust.



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