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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

OK I will start with the fact that I am engaged and my fiance who has a daughter (Brianna) that is 17 will be 18 in July, I have a daughter (Emily)  who is 17 and will be 18 in November ( i am 35 he is 36 ) I also have a 15 yr old son and a 9yr old daughter.  The dilemma is that my daughter has her drivers license and has a car and just got a job, his daughter does not have a drivers license or a car so my daughter is the one to drive them everywhere...to/from school and so on. When my soon to be step daughter has after school activities my daughter has to wait around for her to be done before she can come home , which she usually doesn't mind because she can hang out with her boyfriend. Anyway whenever my daughter needs gas or needs her car fixed I either end up paying for it or my daughter pays what she can from her babysitting jobs. She just received her 1st real pay check today from her actual job yeah! The problem they are having is that when Brianna has money that she either got from her mom or another relative or for doing odd jobs for people (because she does not have a job) she doesn't bother to help Emily out with gas and/or repairs to her car. Me and my S/O have told them both that we don't want to be in the middle of them arguing about it, but I did tell my daughter to give her an ultimatum ..either help with gas/repairs or find a different way to get around. Not to be mean but my S/Os daughter is and has always been a bit spoiled and he admits it and says to me that he doesn't know how I raised such generous and caring children and how his turned out to be a whinny "the world revolves around me"  daughter. Question is should we get involved in this matter or let them work it out? I tell my daughter to stand up for herself and just plain old tell her she needs to help. I also tell Brianna to put herself in Emily's shoes once and she how she would like it. Its also funny that when Brianna asks somebody else (one of her friends)  to bring her somewhere she offers to give them gas money. I am just at my wits end having to always shell out money when I now Brianna has some...and at times she will lie and say she doesn't have any money. And I do not think it should be all up to my daughter to pay for it all. Lucky for her, her boyfriends dad is a mechanic and lets her pay when she can.

by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 1:32 AM
Replies (11-15):
Tina51003
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:13 PM
3 moms liked this
Why is SD's transportation soley your DD's responsability? Why isn't your SO taking care of his own kid? I think in this case it might be appropriate for your SO to give DD a weekly fuel allowance for helping transport his kid.
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luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:14 PM

You have a good DD there is not question of that, but she still has to go to school and the fact that she changed schools doesn't really change that fact. 

Again, car repairs are a part of owning a car, unless SD is going to get half ownership in the car then she should not have to pay anything for car repairs. If my car broke down and I took someone to work with me everyday I would not epect them to help pay for it. It is my car, and I can't say for sure that the reason it broke down is because I drove this person to work.

Trying to come up with a fair solution, how much does it cost each week for the girls to be going back and forth to school. In my house I pay for that gas, anything beyond school is their resposibility. My DD's one with a car and one without worked out their own deal. Oldest picks up sister from her activitites and sister cleans her car for her. No money just a way to say thank-you. Maybe offer a different solution for the girls.

PinkieRed
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:37 PM
1 mom liked this
Well, that was a tremendous (and kind) sacrifice your daughter made.

I am going to be the dissenter here, and say that it wouldn't kill her stepsister to chip in for gas.

When I lived at home as a teenager and had a job, if my older (also teenage) brother drove me or our younger teenage sister somewhere, we'd give him money for gas if he needed it. So what if we were family? It was the respectful and nice thing to do.

I say if your stepdaughter doesn't appreciate your daughter giving her rides, she can get a job too, and buy her own car. She's old enough to work. Or let her ask one of her friends for rides.


Quoting momof3grtkid495:

I may have failed to mention that my daughter changed schools so her step sister could finish out her senior year at the school she has been at for 4 years. My daughter gave up her friends and her school to be able to drive her step sister to and from school. The school my daughter used to go to was about 5 minutes away, the school she changed to is 25-30 minutes away. That might help everybody with why this is a hard subject. Yes the car would brake down whenever but if she were still at her old school she could catch the bus...they cant catch the bus from here to get to the current school. So when her car does brake down she needs it fixed asap in order to get her and her step sister to school the next day, and there would not be as much wear and tear on her car if she was only driving 3 blocks away to get to school.

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boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:17 PM
1 mom liked this

If your DD changed schools so she could drive her step sister to school, the transportation cost should have been discussed as a family.     How was your SD getting to school before?   

I certainly do not think your SD should be responsible for maintenance and repairs, but I think she should contribute for gas.    I do not think your DD should have to wait around for her sister....if she is ready to go when her driver is, she gets a ride (they are going to the same place, anyway).   If she isn't ready to go, it is not your DD responsibility to wait for her.    

I would intervene.    I would suggest a trade......Brianna can do some of Emily's chores in exchange for transportation.    Or, perhaps Brianna's Dad should offer Emily a weekly gas allowance....after all, she sacrificed her school, and her time for HIS daughter.




momof3grtkid495
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 5:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with some of the things you girls have said ....My daughter used to go to a school near our home ..when my SO and his daughter moved in with us she threw a fit and said that she would not attend the school my kid was already attending so my kid sacrificed her school so that her step sister could finish out her senior year at her school. Turns out that my kid actually likes going to that school but she doesn't like that she has to wait around for hours some days for her step sister to be one with her activities. Yes there are times that my kid will leave and tell her to fend for herself and if she gets a ride home she pays that person for gas or she spends the night at a friends house out there. My SO cannot drive his daughter to school because he has to work way before they need to be to school. My kid puts gas in with the child support I get from her father and when that's gone she uses her own money or I will give her money because Brianna wont, I just think that if Brianna wants my kid to wait around for her after school she could pitch in for some of the gas every now and then. The repairs to the car I usually pay for if my kid doesn't  have enough money but I just think Brianna could be a little bit more considerate and offer to chip in some money if she wants to keep going to that school.We have come to the decision that if the car needs repairs again and if they cant come up with the money between the 2 of them, then we will transfer them back here and they can take the bus. I just know that if somebody went out of their way for me to get me to where I WANTED to go I would offer to help with gas and/or anything else because otherwise I would just have to go to the place I could get to on my own. I don't know its frustrating because my kid is the one with a license and a car, and yes she still needs to get to school but she could be going to the one right up the road but instead she gave that up to help her step sister out and she doesn't really seam to appreciate it. If Brianna had a license they would be sharing the car or she would buy her own but she is waiting until she turns 18 to get her license. It just does not seem fair that my kid spends all her money on gas and maintenance and never has enough left to go out with her friends ....that's when I giver her money and Brianna gets mad cuz I didn't give her any even tho she has been flaunting around how much money she has gotten from her mom or wherever and all the things she is going to do with it. So no I am not going to give her money when she is too selfish to help out with gas when needed. My kid only asks her for money if she literally has no money and no gas. And I should mention that on most days my kid has to wake her up for school because she sleeps right through her alarm and then has to sit and wait for her to get ready so half the time they just barley make it to school on time. My SO saw my kid just standing by the door one morning and said "whats wrong?" she says "nothing just waiting on Brianna" that made him a little mad and he had a discussion with her about being inconsiderate and that my kid should not have to wake her up for school, that she needs to be responsible for herself. My kids have always been taught to get up and get ready for school before I have to come make them. My children are very self sufficient and apparently my SO's is not even at 17 yrs old. I'm sorry to be ranting and raving but when her dad or I talk to Brianna about this stuff its like talking to a brick wall ..its all yes yes yes and ok ok ok and then its the same old shit the next day. I'm just getting really fed up and I am about to put my kid back in her school and let Brianna try to find somebody to take her without paying for the gas.

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