I'm in a frustrating dilemma, just wondering what other mom's would do.
I have a 19 (almost 20) year old son who lives at home with me. He goes to a community college FT, and he works part time. He is also a single dad. My granddaughter lives with me most of the time, we have recently added on two new bedrooms to make room for him and my granddaughter to live here. He has lived with me all his life, but recently had moved out with his GF who we found being unfaithful to him within 1 week of their getting their own place, and he moved back home.
My son has since entered into a relationship with an old highschool friend, and they've been spending a lot of time together. He is a loving dad, but not always able to see the responsiblitiy in what he needs to do, and so my husband and I often pick up that slack.
Even though he's working, and going to school, he only makes enough money to put gas in his car and pay his bills for his car and car insurance, so I do not charge him to be here, he cannot afford daycare for the baby, so I AM the daycare 7 days a week while he's at school or work.
When he gets home, he will spend time with the baby and he'll take responsiblity, but often needs to be reminded of the "right way" to put the effort forth, but he does as he's reminded.
My problem is, that on days when the baby goes home to her mom, my son will leave to go be with the new girlfriend and doesn't come home til 3 in the morning. He will stay out late, and lately has been getting up late for classes or hasn't been getting up at all. He sleeps right through the alarm. On days when he has the baby, the gf will come over, the baby goes to bed about 8:00 but the gf will stay until 1 or 2am and then he knows we're here and can listen for the baby so he then leaves that late to take the gf home.
I'm exhausted. I've taught him so many good morals and ethics, and when him and his ex-gf got together, everything i worked to teach him, was thrown out the window. They're no longer together - but he still has this beautiful daughter. I'm just frustrated cuz i'm thinking........
if he didn't live with me, i wouldn't even know he was doing this or staying out late, but because he moved home, do i have the right to implement a curfew and inforce it and then if so, what the heck to i dish out for reprimand for not sticking to it?
He pays for his own car, his own car insurance, his own gas, and he pays for his own schooling, when do you stop being able to tell them where and when they can or cannot go, and what time is too late or not to be out - at almost 20, should i still be trying to enforce a sense of groundedness - or don't i really have that right anymore? I don't want to be a controlling mom, but i do still have a 16 year old and and 8 year old in the house, plus his 2 year old daughter.