Okay, so just a little backround. I have full access to all of my kids iphones, computers and everything else. I DO check emails and text messages all the time. My 14 year old son has a girlfriend- his first girlfriend. They have been together for a couple of months now. I know that they have kissed. I do not let them hang out alone, a parent or group of friends must be there.
So I looked at my sons texts last night and this is what I found-
my son- I had a good time studying yesterday
girlfriend- me too! I think I need a little extra credit. :)
my son- oh extra credit is definitely needed.
my son- did your mom know that we were studying when she got home?
girlfriend- I think she knew but she pretended not to.
my son- she knows we were studying like that?
girlfriend- no probably not. lol She just told me that as long as we keep our clothes on, then its okay.
my son- wow, my mom would never say something like that. she would never trust me again.
girlfriend- well maybe thats a good thing.
my son- well theres a test coming so we better study again soon.
girlfriend- definitely :)
UGHHHHHHHHHH. Okay so what does everyone think about this conversation? First, I know that he must have been at her house when her mom wasnt home- he knows I am not okay wiht that. I havent talked to him about this yet. I m not sure how to approach it. My husband is freaking out and thinks my son is going to ruin his life by getting this girl pregnant. He basically wants to ban him from seeing her at all. I dont think thats a good idea. I think at this point my son is head over heels about this girl and he would probably start sneeking out and lying to be able to see her. I dont want that! But I am also not ready to be a grandma.
I am just not sure what to do with this information. They are obviously getting hot and heavy and I know where that leads. Should I listen to my husband and ban then from seeing each other? He will not bring the girlfriend over here to our house so I cant monitor them. They only hang out at her house. :(
Any suggestions?
I talk to her mom all the time. I think she is in denial about all of this. She just tells me that they are "great kids" and I have nothing to worry about. I agree that they are great kids but they are also full of hormones right now and not thinking clearly.
I wouldn't tell them they can't see each other but I definitely would make it so they are only allowed to be together at your home.
First of all, if you ban the relationship they will find a way and it will be all that more steamy because it's even more taboo. I would tell him no longer allowed at her house, but they can "study" at your house all they want. With you home by the way.
I'd decrease his unsupervised time and his time with her. Time with her needs to be with a group of kids and not in a house unless it's yours when an adult is there and only in main floor common areas. I do not agree with other posters who say that if you tell him you are not ok with his dating, with his spending time with her alone, that these behaviors will then increase. Parent opinions matter to teens. Parent oversight and restriction of opportunity impacts likelihood of problem behavior. I'd also figure out what his knowledge is about std's, and std & preg prevention (and failure rates of the various methods), and his views on having sex at his age. Then fill in the gaps in knowledge.
Advice on my defiant teen daughter please!
- yogamom16
on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:54 PM