Okay, so just a little backround. I have full access to all of my kids iphones, computers and everything else. I DO check emails and text messages all the time. My 14 year old son has a girlfriend- his first girlfriend. They have been together for a couple of months now. I know that they have kissed. I do not let them hang out alone, a parent or group of friends must be there.
So I looked at my sons texts last night and this is what I found-
my son- I had a good time studying yesterday
girlfriend- me too! I think I need a little extra credit. :)
my son- oh extra credit is definitely needed.
my son- did your mom know that we were studying when she got home?
girlfriend- I think she knew but she pretended not to.
my son- she knows we were studying like that?
girlfriend- no probably not. lol She just told me that as long as we keep our clothes on, then its okay.
my son- wow, my mom would never say something like that. she would never trust me again.
girlfriend- well maybe thats a good thing.
my son- well theres a test coming so we better study again soon.
girlfriend- definitely :)
UGHHHHHHHHHH. Okay so what does everyone think about this conversation? First, I know that he must have been at her house when her mom wasnt home- he knows I am not okay wiht that. I havent talked to him about this yet. I m not sure how to approach it. My husband is freaking out and thinks my son is going to ruin his life by getting this girl pregnant. He basically wants to ban him from seeing her at all. I dont think thats a good idea. I think at this point my son is head over heels about this girl and he would probably start sneeking out and lying to be able to see her. I dont want that! But I am also not ready to be a grandma.
I am just not sure what to do with this information. They are obviously getting hot and heavy and I know where that leads. Should I listen to my husband and ban then from seeing each other? He will not bring the girlfriend over here to our house so I cant monitor them. They only hang out at her house. :(
Any suggestions?
I also think 14 is too young for unsupervised dating/studying. I wouldnt ban him from seeing her, but I would let the mom know that you really dont want them hanging out/studying without supervision. And I agree with other moms. If they want to have sex, they are going to find a way.....I would buy him some condoms and show him how to use them. I used the handle of a hammer when I showed my son. We didnt have any banannas or cucumbers....
BUT, I don't think he should be going over her house anymore, since her parents won't supervise them.
I was disturbed about the text where the girlfriend said her mom told her "as long as we keep our clothes on it's OK". If the mom really said that, then she knows they are making out, in her home, and she's OK with it. I sure hope the girl was joking. If not, I won't be surprised if her daughter ends up becoming a teen mom.
Maybe you should consider showing the texts to the girlfriend's mom. If she doesn't want to become a grandma anytime soon, she'd do well to better monitor what her daughter's been up to.
And I would absolutely have a talk with your son about sex and condoms.
He will not bring the girlfriend over here to our house so I cant monitor them. They only hang out at her house. :(
Your giving him too much power, and there seems to be a reason they only want to study at her house. It's unsupervised. I'm not a fan of kids dating at such a young age, but I'm right there with my SD too. (She's 14 and totally boy crazy) We have had discussions about possibly lossening our take on "NO Boys", to we'll think about it, but be aware that there will be tons of rules that we fully expect to be followed.
Does your son fully know what his rules are pertaining to this g/f? Are there solid consequenses for breaking such rules? I'm pretty sure our stance is, if you break our rules, you will be forced to break up with the b/f.
If I were in your shoes, I'd start with an in depth sex talk. (or have Dad do it), I'd follow up with rules, and excpectations (keeping up grades, EC's, keeping up with old friends, not texting during school, basically keeping his own identity), and I'd be firm that he will be grounded from g/f for minor offenses, and made to break up for major ones.
OMG! Don't let them study together at the gf's house. As a matter of fact, NO Studying, Fail. They are having sex. Ban them from seeing each other...they will only try to see each other more. They will probably have sex in school somewhere too..like in the classroom. Oh wait, maybe you should HOMESCHOOL him.
studying should not be done in rooms! plus just fyi my code word for sex with so used to be homework. me and so started dating since i was 13 and lost my v at 14.When we talk on the phone and were talking about sex we would say"i need to do homework, can you help me with homework and etc" just in case my mom heard out convo or read our txt
Any likes are greatly appreciated....TY :) www.facebook.com/lisaannsweetdelights
Am I being unreasonable?? (long)
Really pissed because...
- yogamom16
on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:54 PM