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My sons texts with his girlfriend

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Okay, so just a little backround.  I have full access to all of my kids iphones, computers and everything else.  I DO check emails and text messages all the time.  My 14 year old son has a girlfriend- his first girlfriend.  They have been together for a couple of months now.  I know that they have kissed.  I do not let them hang out alone, a parent or group of friends must be there.  

So I looked at my sons texts last night and this is what I found-

my son- I had a good time studying yesterday

girlfriend- me too!  I think I need a little extra credit. :)

my son- oh extra credit is definitely needed.

my son- did your mom know that we were studying when she got home?

girlfriend- I think she knew but she pretended not to.

my son- she knows we were studying like that?

girlfriend- no probably not. lol  She just told me that as long as we keep our clothes on, then its okay.

my son- wow, my mom would never say something like that. she would never trust me again.

girlfriend- well maybe thats a good thing.

my son- well theres a test coming so we better study again soon.

girlfriend- definitely :)

UGHHHHHHHHHH.  Okay so what does everyone think about this conversation?  First, I know that he must have been at her house when her mom wasnt home- he knows I am not okay wiht that.  I havent talked to him about this yet.  I m not sure how to approach it.  My husband is freaking out and thinks my son is going to ruin his life by getting this girl pregnant.  He basically wants to ban him from seeing her at all. I dont think thats a good idea.  I think at this point my son is head over heels about this girl and he would probably start sneeking out and lying to be able to see her.  I dont want that!  But I am also not ready to be a grandma.  

I am just not sure what to do with this information.  They are obviously getting hot and heavy and I know where that leads.  Should I listen to my husband and ban then from seeing each other?  He will not bring the girlfriend over here to our house so I cant monitor them.  They only hang out at her house. :(

Any suggestions?

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:54 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Susie on May. 1, 2012 at 8:38 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow, no unsupervised time with her and I wouldn't allow him to go to her house at all.  Only group outings.  Let him know what is appropriate and what isn't since he doesn't seem to know.  14 is really too young for a relationship.  Kids can't handle it. 

by Bronze Member on May. 1, 2012 at 8:47 AM
1 mom liked this

I also think 14 is too young for unsupervised dating/studying.   I wouldnt ban him from seeing her, but I would let the mom know that you really dont want them hanging out/studying without supervision.   And I agree with other moms.  If they want to have sex, they are going to find a way.....I would buy him some condoms and show him how to use them.   I used the handle of a hammer when  I showed my son.  We didnt have any banannas or cucumbers....

by on May. 1, 2012 at 10:21 AM
1 mom liked this
I do agree with the other moms who said that just banning him from seeing this girl isn't going to stop him from seeing her. He'll still see her at school, and he'll find other ways to see her, if he wants to, badly enough.

BUT, I don't think he should be going over her house anymore, since her parents won't supervise them.

I was disturbed about the text where the girlfriend said her mom told her "as long as we keep our clothes on it's OK". If the mom really said that, then she knows they are making out, in her home, and she's OK with it. I sure hope the girl was joking. If not, I won't be surprised if her daughter ends up becoming a teen mom.

Maybe you should consider showing the texts to the girlfriend's mom. If she doesn't want to become a grandma anytime soon, she'd do well to better monitor what her daughter's been up to.

And I would absolutely have a talk with your son about sex and condoms.
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by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:42 AM
1 mom liked this

  He will not bring the girlfriend over here to our house so I cant monitor them.  They only hang out at her house. :(

Your giving him too much power, and there seems to be a reason they only want to study at her house. It's unsupervised. I'm not a fan of kids dating at such a young age, but I'm right there with my SD too. (She's 14 and totally boy crazy) We have had discussions about possibly lossening our take on "NO Boys", to we'll think about it, but be aware that there will be tons of rules that we fully expect to be followed.

Does your son fully know what his rules are pertaining to this g/f? Are there solid consequenses for breaking such rules? I'm pretty sure our stance is, if you break our rules, you will be forced to break up with the b/f.

If I were in your shoes, I'd start with an in depth sex talk. (or have Dad do it), I'd follow up with rules, and excpectations (keeping up grades, EC's, keeping up with old friends, not texting during school, basically keeping his own identity), and I'd be firm that he will be grounded from g/f for minor offenses, and made to break up for major ones. 

by on May. 1, 2012 at 1:34 PM

 OMG! Don't let them study together at the gf's house. As a matter of fact, NO Studying, Fail.  They are having sex. Ban them from seeing each other...they will only try to see each other more. They will probably have sex in school somewhere in the classroom.   Oh wait, maybe you should HOMESCHOOL him. 

by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:31 PM

all I can say if my parents tried forbidding me from seeing guys I wanted to see when I was wayyy younger and I did a lot of lying , sneaking and was very good at being some where but not really being there. I would set limits (set strict limits) but dont forbid them.


by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:51 AM
Be straight forward, punish him For the things you said not to do and he did.but talk about sex with him in detail all about the emotional parts and everything if you feel uncomfortable have his dad do it if he is around
by on May. 2, 2012 at 12:57 AM
Omg why is the first thing you think is hes haveing sex *shakes head* hes 14 have the talk buy him some condoms tell him you wish hed wait to do those thing but if he "must" do them to be safe and not to be scared to come to you or your husband if he has questions or need protection!
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by on May. 2, 2012 at 2:00 AM

Im almost POSITIVE the girls mom didnt really SAY that...Im sure thats what the girl wants to believe. I would talk to the mom and tell her about the texts. Im sure she will be just as upset as you.

by on May. 2, 2012 at 2:07 AM

studying should not be done in rooms! plus just fyi my code word for sex with so used to be homework. me and so started dating since i was 13 and lost my v at 14.When we talk on the phone and were talking about sex we would say"i need to do homework, can you help me with homework and etc" just in case my mom heard out convo or read our txt

Any likes are greatly appreciated....TY :)

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