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Hi, I'm new.  I'm Kris, 31, married and have a 12 yo son.

My husband is not my sons father.  I left bio dad when my son was 4.  Mentally abusive relationship, but that is for another post at another time, but long story short, I had been a single mother for nearly all of his life.  Thank God for the help of my mother who came to my rescue and helped me greatly.

I am now starting to see how the absence of a father is affecting my child as it should not be a surprise to me, but my son is very sensitive.  He does not have any really good friends, he plays well with others until they start teasing him.  He is teased constantly, even by some of his friends at school, on the baseball team, in the neighborhood.  He always ends up coming home crying or terribly upset.  I have taught him how to stick up for himself, but he always gets hurt and takes everything to heart.  He is not exactly a small kid, but I had always taught him that fighting is wrong and that he should talk it out or leave the situation.  Especially for problems at school. 

Lately, he is pushed toward wanting to fight.  Wanting to teach some of the other kids a lesson and I am almost at the point of allowing him to do so, just once, to see if the kids would leave him alone.  He's always one of the youngest wherever we go.  I have attempted to ask him to make plans with other kids so I can take them to the movies and he shies away from it and would rather be upset by the kids in the neighborhood.  I have started to make plans with the other moms on the baseball team to see if I can borrow their kids for an afternoon...But he is starting to have problems with the kids on the team as well.  These kids are just being kids, but my son doesn't know how to handle the teasing, especially when a lot of them gang up on him.  They aren't being malicious, but my sons feelings are hurt and I don't know how to help.  DH has been helpful, but has zero experience with kids and has no idea either.

LOL, I know he isn't a baby anymore and that I will never be able to control what goes on around him, but it doesn't hurt to keep the bubble wrap handy? 

Thanks for listening and letting me vent :)

by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:43 AM
Replies (11-20):
MrsBLB
by Missi on May. 1, 2012 at 3:14 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Treyzmama5:


Quoting MrsBLB:

Have you tried counseling to help your son with coping skills?


I have spoken to the school counselor.  My son keeps making appts to talk to her and I have emailed her several times.  She is supposed to put him in some sort of group to help him deal with things.  Looks like I am going to have to make a special trip up to the school to be heard because she hasn't seen him yet.

I would if I were you.  Also, you and DH could look for info on talking with him to help with self esteem issues.  

GentleGoddess
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:20 PM
1 mom liked this
This.
Big brothers.
Move.
Change schools.
No fighting.
My oldest is 6, super sensitive, shy, quiet, if he went to public school there is a good chance he would be a target. I have always said that he would be eaten alive. He dad is around and always has been. It's just who he is, it won't change.


Quoting hance6:

Check into a big brother, or mentor program for him.  Also, I would recommend a really good psycologist.  One of by boys is the same way, it is like he's a magnet for teasing, and he to is super sensitive.  My son has always had his dad, so I don't think it is due to that, don't beat yourself up about that.  I can't believe the coach or teachers didn't say something to the kids, how dissappointing.  My son even started eating lunch in his classroom because the kids teasing him.  

Two months ago we moved and the funny thing is he has made so many friends here and so far he hasn't said to much about kids making fun of him.  So if you have the option of school of choice in your county, maybe check into what some of the other schools are like.  Good luck, and you're right keep the bubble wrap handy,lol.


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PinkieRed
by on May. 1, 2012 at 4:38 PM
Poor kid!

My 14 year old daughter was bullied at her previous elementary school for being biracial, and having a learning disability. She is very sensitive too.

I took her out of her previous school after 5th grade, and it's made a world of difference for her. I only regret not taking her out sooner.

Maybe look into getting your son involved in some activities outside of the neighborhood, where he can meet other boys who aren't part of that nasty clique.

It's a shame that the coach is allowing your son to be abused like that.
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cege
by Bronze Member on May. 1, 2012 at 5:23 PM
2 moms liked this

When my son was 12 yrs. old and in his first year of middle school he encountered very similar treatment as your son.   Even the boys he considered friends could be harsh with their comments and would do things to tease and antagonize him.  It was a difficult year.  My suggestion is to try getting your son into an activity like karate that isn't as competitive.  We got our son involved with a kick boxing and martial arts gym and it helped.  This year he started high school and he joined JROTC which has been fabulous, the boys are much more supportive of each other and he has friends of all different ages.  Because he feels support from peers he isn't nearly as sensitive as he used to be. This summer when he has more free time my son will probably go back to the gym; it keeps him occupied, provides some social interaction, and gets him in great shape which boosts his esteem.   Good luck.

PinkieRed
by on May. 1, 2012 at 5:44 PM
1 mom liked this

I like cege's suggestions. Also, how about Boy Scouts for your son?

My daughter has been a Girl Scout for 8 years now - she's a Cadette. She loves it. It's a great group of girls and troop leaders. The girls are all 6th-8th graders. They've done so many fun things together, including lots of trips.

The leaders plan on keeping the troop running until all of the girls graduate from high school, and my daughter says she plans to stay in through high school. I hope she does. It's helped boost her confidence, and keeps her busy. Plus it really hasn't been that expensive, certainly a cheaper than many other activities. And it will look good on college applications.

PurpleHazey
by Angie on May. 1, 2012 at 5:58 PM

Welcome. I see this with many only child with one parent and it is because they have relied only on you and yes playing on your emotions he has mastered.

hance6
by on May. 1, 2012 at 7:01 PM
1 mom liked this

You're probably right it won't change, I was just saying it wouldn't hurt to have some positive.  My sons school had a Hope Network program and it made a tremendous impact on him.  As for changing schools we didn't do it for the reason that he was having trouble we did it because my husband's job transfered hime, I was just saying since we have moved he has been doing wonderful with no problems.  

Quoting GentleGoddess:

This.
Big brothers.
Move.
Change schools.
No fighting.
My oldest is 6, super sensitive, shy, quiet, if he went to public school there is a good chance he would be a target. I have always said that he would be eaten alive. He dad is around and always has been. It's just who he is, it won't change.


Quoting hance6:

Check into a big brother, or mentor program for him.  Also, I would recommend a really good psycologist.  One of by boys is the same way, it is like he's a magnet for teasing, and he to is super sensitive.  My son has always had his dad, so I don't think it is due to that, don't beat yourself up about that.  I can't believe the coach or teachers didn't say something to the kids, how dissappointing.  My son even started eating lunch in his classroom because the kids teasing him.  

Two months ago we moved and the funny thing is he has made so many friends here and so far he hasn't said to much about kids making fun of him.  So if you have the option of school of choice in your county, maybe check into what some of the other schools are like.  Good luck, and you're right keep the bubble wrap handy,lol.



rkoloms
by on May. 1, 2012 at 7:07 PM

Feeling abandoned by a parent can have a huge impact.  I suspect that he would greatly benefit from therapy

PinkieRed
by on May. 1, 2012 at 7:28 PM

Not necessarily. One of my daughter's friends is an only child, and is popular, very outgoing, and has a ton of friends. I have 5 brothers and sisters, and I've always been sensitive, and shy until I get to know someone. I've always been more of a loner, too, and the kind of person to have just a couple of close friends, rather than a big group of friends.

Quoting PurpleHazey:

Welcome. I see this with many only child with one parent and it is because they have relied only on you and yes playing on your emotions he has mastered.

 

Tina51003
by on May. 1, 2012 at 7:33 PM

 My first thoughts with these kind on issues, is to suggest small team sports, but it sounds like you are already doing that. I'm shocked the coach hasn't stepped in with some good team building exercises. My kids coach's, (including myself) have always been quick to pick up on these kind of things.

I don't know if this is the kid of advice you want. But I was very small growing up, and I have red hair. I had a bully in middle school. She tormented me for months on end. One day, I just had enough. She finally laid a hand on me. (wrapped it around my neck) I happened to be holding some red iced thing. I threw it on her, and told her in a very stern voice to never touch me again. She took off so embarrased for having red all over her new white sweater. I never backed down from anyone again, or allowed them to bully me, and this one girl NEVER bothered me again. I think my mentallity was I'd rather get my ass kicked onced than deal with ongoing bullying.

Perhaps as another poster suggested, maybe you need to put your son in a small self defence class. It might boost his self confidence. My husband used to take a mixed martial arts class, and there was this one young boy there often. He was a tough little guy, but looks sure were deceiving. I'd hate to be the kid to pick on that kid, he'd sure be in for a surprize.

BTW, I don't condone fighting, but it's nice to know your kids can handle themselves in a sticky situation.

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