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Hi, I'm new.  I'm Kris, 31, married and have a 12 yo son.

My husband is not my sons father.  I left bio dad when my son was 4.  Mentally abusive relationship, but that is for another post at another time, but long story short, I had been a single mother for nearly all of his life.  Thank God for the help of my mother who came to my rescue and helped me greatly.

I am now starting to see how the absence of a father is affecting my child as it should not be a surprise to me, but my son is very sensitive.  He does not have any really good friends, he plays well with others until they start teasing him.  He is teased constantly, even by some of his friends at school, on the baseball team, in the neighborhood.  He always ends up coming home crying or terribly upset.  I have taught him how to stick up for himself, but he always gets hurt and takes everything to heart.  He is not exactly a small kid, but I had always taught him that fighting is wrong and that he should talk it out or leave the situation.  Especially for problems at school. 

Lately, he is pushed toward wanting to fight.  Wanting to teach some of the other kids a lesson and I am almost at the point of allowing him to do so, just once, to see if the kids would leave him alone.  He's always one of the youngest wherever we go.  I have attempted to ask him to make plans with other kids so I can take them to the movies and he shies away from it and would rather be upset by the kids in the neighborhood.  I have started to make plans with the other moms on the baseball team to see if I can borrow their kids for an afternoon...But he is starting to have problems with the kids on the team as well.  These kids are just being kids, but my son doesn't know how to handle the teasing, especially when a lot of them gang up on him.  They aren't being malicious, but my sons feelings are hurt and I don't know how to help.  DH has been helpful, but has zero experience with kids and has no idea either.

LOL, I know he isn't a baby anymore and that I will never be able to control what goes on around him, but it doesn't hurt to keep the bubble wrap handy? 

Thanks for listening and letting me vent :)

by on May. 1, 2012 at 11:43 AM
Replies (21-28):
Treyzmama5
by on May. 2, 2012 at 7:55 AM
1 mom liked this
Thanks for your kind words and suggestions. We are going to work on this and I Will let you know how it turns out. My son is already a second degree black belt, it's one of the reasons we won't let him fight. They teach fighting only as a method of self defense and the last option only. As I mentioned, no one will dare put hands on him, but they are quick to try to push his buttons. I know I mentioned being a single parent,, but that is only because I feel like he is this way because of me. I always stressed being kind and respectful to others, but not many other parents in my area think its an important characteristic to instill in their kids.
tyfry7496
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 8:38 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree. My son was raised by me only and he's not dependent on me emotionally. I raised him to be independent. I have friends who are married and their kids are emotional messes. I don't think it has anything to do with being raised by a single parent, it's HOW the parents raised you.

Quoting PinkieRed:

Not necessarily. One of my daughter's friends is an only child, and is popular, very outgoing, and has a ton of friends. I have 5 brothers and sisters, and I've always been sensitive, and shy until I get to know someone. I've always been more of a loner, too, and the kind of person to have just a couple of close friends, rather than a big group of friends.


Quoting PurpleHazey:


Welcome. I see this with many only child with one parent and it is because they have relied only on you and yes playing on your emotions he has mastered.


 

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chloesmommy777
by on May. 2, 2012 at 11:32 PM

Great advice.  Try to find and focus on ways that will boost his self-esteem... like his talents.  He needs to realize that a sense of humor is essential in this world, also, and should work on toughening up his "thin skin." That's how I dealt with my daughter when she found herself in simular situations.  She's 14 and has way more friends now than when she was his age.  I know it's different for boys, but over all, they are all children learning social skills

Quoting hance6:

Check into a big brother, or mentor program for him.  Also, I would recommend a really good psycologist.  One of by boys is the same way, it is like he's a magnet for teasing, and he to is super sensitive.  My son has always had his dad, so I don't think it is due to that, don't beat yourself up about that.  I can't believe the coach or teachers didn't say something to the kids, how dissappointing.  My son even started eating lunch in his classroom because the kids teasing him.  

Two months ago we moved and the funny thing is he has made so many friends here and so far he hasn't said to much about kids making fun of him.  So if you have the option of school of choice in your county, maybe check into what some of the other schools are like.  Good luck, and you're right keep the bubble wrap handy,lol.


pinkyheather
by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:25 AM
1 mom liked this

Maybe have your husband start spending one on one time with your son. That way he can get the father figure he's lacking and bond with him as well.

PurpleHazey
by Angie on May. 4, 2012 at 7:34 PM


Quoting PinkieRed:

Not necessarily. One of my daughter's friends is an only child, and is popular, very outgoing, and has a ton of friends. I have 5 brothers and sisters, and I've always been sensitive, and shy until I get to know someone. I've always been more of a loner, too, and the kind of person to have just a couple of close friends, rather than a big group of friends.

Quoting PurpleHazey:

Welcome. I see this with many only child with one parent and it is because they have relied only on you and yes playing on your emotions he has mastered.

 

It is not always the case, but us moms seem to baby our boys.

PinkieRed
by on May. 4, 2012 at 7:43 PM
Well now, I have seen that a lot.

Quoting PurpleHazey:



Quoting PinkieRed:


Not necessarily. One of my daughter's friends is an only child, and is popular, very outgoing, and has a ton of friends. I have 5 brothers and sisters, and I've always been sensitive, and shy until I get to know someone. I've always been more of a loner, too, and the kind of person to have just a couple of close friends, rather than a big group of friends.


Quoting PurpleHazey:


Welcome. I see this with many only child with one parent and it is because they have relied only on you and yes playing on your emotions he has mastered.


 


It is not always the case, but us moms seem to baby our boys.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lazyd
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2012 at 8:20 PM

Im sorry but this is bullying and must be stopped!  I dont care how sensitive your son is.  If you see the other kids taking his baseball glove out of his backpack and teasing him repeatedly, than step up or your SO needs to step up and tell them to stop and embarrass the other kids somehow.  I cant believe the other parents are allowing their kids to tease another person.  Especially since they are all on the same team, where is the sportsmanship in that!?  I know its embarrassing and may sound lame, but your son needs to start keeping a journal of who is saying what and take it to the school principal.  Our take it to the neighbor's if their kids are bullying/teasing your son.  They may just tell you that your son needs to "grow up" and maybe he needs to and will some day, but in the mean time these kids are being mean.  I would have your son join tae kwon do or fencing or some other more "individual" sport where there are still other kids his age, these sports tend to have more sportsmanship and less meanness.

mumsy2three
by Shauna on May. 5, 2012 at 7:25 AM

I agree with this.

We are currently dealing with someone picking on our son, 10y/o, while he is on the bus and during band. My son has told us who is doing the picking in band but not on the bus, he's afraid to get someone else in trouble and doesn't want to be a tattle tale. I have been in close contact with both his teacher and principal. Unfortunately the bus driver is useless. My son is sensitive too and it really hurts when he comes home upset and more upsetting when he refuses to get on the bus b/c he is so anxious about it but it's not okay for him not to feel safe at school or on the bus.


Quoting lazyd:

Im sorry but this is bullying and must be stopped!  I dont care how sensitive your son is.  If you see the other kids taking his baseball glove out of his backpack and teasing him repeatedly, than step up or your SO needs to step up and tell them to stop and embarrass the other kids somehow.  I cant believe the other parents are allowing their kids to tease another person.  Especially since they are all on the same team, where is the sportsmanship in that!?  I know its embarrassing and may sound lame, but your son needs to start keeping a journal of who is saying what and take it to the school principal.  Our take it to the neighbor's if their kids are bullying/teasing your son.  They may just tell you that your son needs to "grow up" and maybe he needs to and will some day, but in the mean time these kids are being mean.  I would have your son join tae kwon do or fencing or some other more "individual" sport where there are still other kids his age, these sports tend to have more sportsmanship and less meanness.


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