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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Our 8th grader does not have any close friends.  He is very social, and gets along with lots of kids at school, but does not go out, (to the mall, dances, sporting events etc.).  He is not an athlete, and prefers to stay home and read, play video games, watch tv or help DH outside with projects.  It doesn't seem to bother him, but we worry about him feeling left out, and just not letting us know.  We have not found anything he wants to join.  Unlike every other kid today, he does not have a phone, and does not want one.  In elementary school, he had two really close friends.  They don't really have anything to do with him anymore b/c they are so involved in their own sports which keep them really busy and they hang out with their teammates.  (they don't hang out with each other anymore either b/c they are in different sports).  We have had the opportunity to observe him at school (while volunteering at a couple of events) and he tries to get in the conversation/group, but other than him inserting a few comments, he is really on the fringe, with his "friends" carrying on a conversation amongst themselves.  I know this is generalizing, and not  pc, but he is not a total nerd or gross, but he is also not as far along (physically) as a lot of the boys in his grade.  Has not hit his growth spurt, has a little baby fat still. We would love for him to just have one close friend, or one group that actually seems to appreciate him.  One thing that did bother him is a class trip that is coming up.  He did not end up in a roommate group with any of his friends, and had to get put in a group with "leftover" kids.  He was so upset when this happened that he didn't even want to go.  He has decided he wants to go, but is dreading having to room with these boys, and has said he will sleep in a chair or on the floor.  I don't know what to do for him, if anything, or if I'm just getting this off my chest. 

 

by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:12 AM
Replies (21-23):
PinkieRed
by on May. 2, 2012 at 6:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you! And I agree. I think the early teen years are a tough time for a lot of girls, as far as friendships go.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Aww (((hugs))) to you and esp your DD. That has to be tough esp if she misses her cousin...its a hard age, girls change so much around 14 esp I've noticed with friendships, and social lives.



Quoting PinkieRed:

I have a step-niece who's just a few months younger than my daughter, but who's the total opposite, personality wise, in every way.

My niece went from a smaller, inner city public elementary school, to a big, wealthy, suburban middle school, after my brother and her mom got married.

She's very outgoing, pretty, and stylish, and so she made a ton of friends in a short time, after changing schools. Now she's super popular, a cheerleader and runs track, and has a big group of friends who she hangs out with regularly. It's so different from how things are for my daughter, social life wise.

My daughter just adores her, but they don't see each other very often, because they live on the other side of town, and my niece is almost always out with her friends, or at sleepovers or parties, or is busy with her sports. I feel bad for my daughter, because she really misses her cousin a lot.
Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I agree with you, it really depends on the kids and sounds like your DD will be attending a great school. I always am grateful the way things happen to turn out, my DS was much more the introvert and shy in HS, he would have had a really rough time I'm afraid at such a big school. While my DD was very upset initially (months really, ugh) she is the extrovert of the family and the transition while tough was doable and she has adapted well and has made new friends.

Quoting PinkieRed:

That's true, the small schools can't offer nearly as much in the way of elective classes and extracurriculars.





All of my teenage/young adult nieces and nephews have graduated from or are currently attending big suburban public high schools. I'm always astounded by the range of classes that some of the bigger public high schools here in the Cleveland area offer, particularly the ones in wealthier districts.





I don't think my daughter would do well in a big school though, Catholic or public, as she has a learning disability, and some other issues. I'd be afraid she'd get overlooked, sort of "lost in the shuffle".





We picked her HS in part because it has a learning disabilities program. A lot of kids who graduated from her current school last year are now attending that high school. And a significant number from her 8th grade class will be going there as well. That's good, in that she'll start high school already knowing some kids.




Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Oh wow, bowling team, how fun! My DD's school will have about 3000 kids next year. My DS graduated in last summer with 203 in his graduating class which was nice. I liked the smaller school but the class options and extra curriculars are not even close to what my DD's larger school will offer, so I have some mixed feelings.





Quoting PinkieRed:

The HS my daughter will be going to is a small Catholic school, with about 300 kids.

They had about 20-25 girls try out for about 10 open slots on the cheer team.

I have no idea about what division or whatever the sports teams are in. You can tell I don't "follow" any sports, LOL!

My daughter's current school teaches bowling in gym every year, and they do an all school field trip to a bowling alley once a year, so she's not too bad at bowling. Definitely better than me, that's for sure.

Her soon to be HS has a co-ed bowling team, so she thinks she might want to do bowling in HS. I hope she'll be able to.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

The only HS sports that have zero cuts at my DD's new HS next year are cross country and track, makes it difficult for many kids, esp since it is a 4A large school.

Quoting PinkieRed:

I think that's awesome that your girls' school has a non cut sport like that.





My daughter wants to play a sport in high school, but has never played a sport before, and isn't very athletic. She tried out for the HS football cheerleading team last week, but didn't get picked. She was so devastated. I don't know if the school has any sports that are no cut.




















Quoting atlmom2:

Has he never had friends, ever???  Join clubs in HS.  I made my girls be in at least one club.  Our principal suggest it as its great for colleges to see and kids that are involved are less likely to fall in with a bad crowd.  My girls also joined tennis.  Its a non cut sport so everyone plays no matter how good or bad you are.  150 girls split between 5 teams. 

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luvmygirlz888
by on May. 3, 2012 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this

My daughter is also 14 and in 8th grade.  She plays on alot of sports but is just not into the drama like most other girls.  Her teachers tell me she gets along great with all the other girls in class and they usually want to sit with her but as soon as the 3:00 bell rings, not one of these girls ever calls her or invites her anywhere.

A few years ago, we would have pool parties in the summer and she would invite most of these girls but as soon as the school year started, she never received any invitations to go to their houses.  Our home is very small but we have a huge yard so we only entertain in the summer.  When she was "dating" a guy, the other girls would seem more interestesed in her affairs but as soon as they broke up (after 1 year), they have not involved her in any of their conversations.

We are trying to raise her on the conservative side and build confidence without needing to be liked by everyone or to dress like everyone else.  She has a cell but we do not have facebook or iphones so she is out of the loop with most social events in our area.  (Believe it or not, there are at least 10-15 families that I know from her grade that do not have these items either....we just want to keep our privacy and feel these items become a distraction in life).

Anyway, there is a party this weekend and everyone on her team is invited except her.  All of the girls (8 out of 12) have requested to leave the game early so they can get to the party and I know it is going to be devasting to her when this happens.  (I am the coach so I know these requests).

I am crying inside for her because she really is a sweet and sincerely (not phony) caring young lady but it seems like the good girls are always finishing last.

How do I handle this situation....

 

 

 

 

PinkieRed
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:01 PM
Your daughter sounds like a nice kid.

Unfortunately, too often it seems nice doesn't help with making friends when girls get into their teen years. The snobby, mean girls usually are the ones everyone wants to be friends with, or at least that's how it's always seemed to me.

I really feel for your daughter, because mine struggles socially as well.

She had a good friend who she had literally known since they were toddlers in daycare together. But the friend became popular (they go to different schools), and the friendship turned one sided.

I got tired of my daughter always having to do the inviting, and the girl never reciprocating anymore, so I stopped planning sleepovers, etc, for her and that friend.

Their friendship has since cooled down, and now they only see each other at Girl Scout activities.

It's a shame, but a true friendship isn't one sided.
Quoting luvmygirlz888:

My daughter is also 14 and in 8th grade.  She plays on alot of sports but is just not into the drama like most other girls.  Her teachers tell me she gets along great with all the other girls in class and they usually want to sit with her but as soon as the 3:00 bell rings, not one of these girls ever calls her or invites her anywhere.


A few years ago, we would have pool parties in the summer and she would invite most of these girls but as soon as the school year started, she never received any invitations to go to their houses.  Our home is very small but we have a huge yard so we only entertain in the summer.  When she was "dating" a guy, the other girls would seem more interestesed in her affairs but as soon as they broke up (after 1 year), they have not involved her in any of their conversations.


We are trying to raise her on the conservative side and build confidence without needing to be liked by everyone or to dress like everyone else.  She has a cell but we do not have facebook or iphones so she is out of the loop with most social events in our area.  (Believe it or not, there are at least 10-15 families that I know from her grade that do not have these items either....we just want to keep our privacy and feel these items become a distraction in life).


Anyway, there is a party this weekend and everyone on her team is invited except her.  All of the girls (8 out of 12) have requested to leave the game early so they can get to the party and I know it is going to be devasting to her when this happens.  (I am the coach so I know these requests).


I am crying inside for her because she really is a sweet and sincerely (not phony) caring young lady but it seems like the good girls are always finishing last.


How do I handle this situation....


 


 


 


 

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