Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Privacy issues

Posted by on May. 11, 2012 at 1:13 PM
  • 40 Replies

  This may have been brought up before,in some form or another,but I just discovered (accidently) my 16 year old son's Facebook account password. It was pretty easy to guess.I have asked him MANY TIMES to "friend" me,but I guess that's just not cool .Sorry,was playing w/ the color & cannot fix it-lol. ANYWAY,he DOES NOT live w/ me,lives w/ his dad 3 hours away! I feel like we are somewhat close,but I still worry about him a lot.Is it wrong to be nosy because your'e concerned? He is a GOOD kid & yes I did sneak a peak. There was a kid in that town who recently was killed & there was a lot of R.I.P. on it! This comforts me that so many kids care. But nothing that I would consider unusual. Pics on there that I have BEGGED for for years-lol,but that's it. Oh, and some music from him & his band. It makes me feel closer to him to hear/see these things,but am I going too far? I want us to CONTINUE to have a good relationship,but I don't want this to screw it up. He is friends w/ my sister(his aunt) & shares a lot WITH HER! WTH? Oh,well-looking forward to your response,thank youhugs

CafeMom TickersCafeMom Tickers
by on May. 11, 2012 at 1:13 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
annie2244
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2012 at 1:51 PM
2 moms liked this

Huh. Ethics vs a double check on safety. My vote is, unless you have reason to suspect, not to peek.

To me, it's analogous to looking at your kid's diary when you accidently come across where she stashes it, or listening in on the other extension when he's on the phone with a friend. Without suspicions, I respect my teen's privacy as much as I can. Yet I still try hard not be obvious when I listen in to their conversations with friends in the back seat of the car as I schlepp them places :)

Especially since you don't live with him, you are in danger of harming your relationship with him, which will be harder to repair,  if he finds out. There are other ways of getting more insight into his life, via more time with him, that aren't ethically gray and have added benefits to you both. 

My 16 y/o has never friended me, my 14 y/o always has. I initially was a little freaked out about the older one not friending me. But both are living G rated lives, per my ethically gathered intelligence, so I'm not gonna make a power issue of it. 

 

 

 

pebbles98
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:36 PM

Agreed.

Quoting annie2244:

My vote is, unless you have reason to suspect, not to peek.






mindybelle2003
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:37 PM

"  Especially since you don't live with him, you are in danger of harming your relationship with him, which will be harder to repair,  if he finds out. There are other ways of getting more insight into his life, via more time with him, that aren't ethically gray and have added benefits to you both." -I do agree with you ,for the most part,unfortunately,there is no possible way I can move closer to him due mainly to finances. I had wondered if he DID find out it would ruin his trust in me & he may not be as willing to share more important stuff in the future! I'ts kinda hard now that I know,though. I'm AFRAID that almost ALL teens eventually go through a "dangerous" faze,especially boys! AHHHH! I guess,I MUST resist the urge & let him talk to me when he's ready.teen boy

atlmom2
by Susie on May. 11, 2012 at 2:41 PM
2 moms liked this
I told mine when they were younger, nothing on the computer is private from me or anyone else.
mindybelle2003
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:51 PM

   @ Altmom2,Yeah,that's another thing I was wondering,since he's UNDERAGE,isn't that REASON ENOUGH to try & monitor what their doing on the computer,etc.? Man,I guess I am REALLY torn?

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on May. 11, 2012 at 3:02 PM

What is the reason he won't friend you?  It can't be just because you're mom because he let your sister be his friend on there and shares tons with him.  How often do you see him?

cege
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2012 at 3:09 PM
2 moms liked this

My 17 year old daughter isn't friends with me or my husband on Facebook either.  If she was acting in a way that made us suspect something was going on we would ask to see her account and have her open it in front  of us without warning.  Otherwise, I try to respect her privacy.   You stated that your son is friends with your sister and shares a lot with her, I'd hope that if there was an issue she would let you know. 

mindybelle2003
by on May. 11, 2012 at 3:09 PM

 I see him once a month,sometimes for a few hours,sometimes for a few days in a row. I just thought teens didn't "friend" their folks-lol

atlmom2
by Susie on May. 11, 2012 at 3:13 PM

They don't have to friend you but if you want to see their facebook, they need to let you right then and there.  My rules.  LIke I said, the computer isn't private from me or anyone else. 

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on May. 11, 2012 at 3:15 PM
Some teens don't, I am thankful my DS age 19 does and I respect boundaries..no embarrassing tags or comments. My 14 y/o doesn't have a choice, no fb in my house if she isn't my friend. She's never had an issue with it, again I do nothing she would consider embarrassing....if you have a reason to worry I would check. What's most concerning honestly is that he doesn't feel comfortable having you as a friend on his fb? I am friends with over 100 middle school kids (I never ask first, they ask me) seems odd if he's not posting anything inappropriate?

Quoting mindybelle2003:

 I see him once a month,sometimes for a few hours,sometimes for a few days in a row. I just thought teens didn't "friend" their folks-lol

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)