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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Am I overreacting or not ? I think not of course ...LOL

Posted by on May. 15, 2012 at 4:40 PM
  • 22 Replies

I am thinking of helping...( he doesn't know ) my 15 year old pull back on a friendship .I will really encourage other friends and not take this boy to the beach with us.

I regularly drive 6 boys to LAX games.I have known them all either since K or 5th grade.This one boy is really sliding away from school .This isn't the issue that belongs to his parents ..Every time I drive he cusses often.I am not stupid and know mine can cuss too  but not around adults ..None of the other boys cuss in FRONT of me and will call him on it.Three times he has lowered the window and shot the bird at someone ,once again the other guys are calling him on it.I hear them discussing school work and he puts a lot of effort into trying to get them to  not let him be the only one not finishing projects.He feels screwed by them ,they should all follow the same bro code according to him.His mom seldom drives because she has a younger daughter to take to scouts ,softball and more.Several other parents have the same thing going on.They normally can make it to the game but the guys have to be on field 75 minutes before the game or they are benched.The difference between him,his parents and the others is they have never said thanks once.All the other boys say thank you and their parents tell me thanks as well..I don't keep tabs except you start to notice when one never does.Plus all the other parents have offered to drive them all when they can, his don't.Yesterday was a Capt.s practice not an official one.It was at school but my son needed to be picked up after practice.I had a late dr appt and my husband was in meetings in a different city all day.Fri my husband calls the boy's dad to ask could he drop our son off at home after the practice ended .The dad said yes.Yesterday he texts my husband around three saying his son told him he didn't want to go to the practice so no picking our son up.My husband shot out an email to the other parents and they all offered to help

Clearly I am still very irritated and angry

.I am done with this friendship ...right or wrong ????

by on May. 15, 2012 at 4:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
cege
by Bronze Member on May. 15, 2012 at 5:23 PM

Wow, that boy's behavior is extremely disrespectful to you.  I would be irritated as well.  My kids know that I can't control who they're friends with at school but if somebody is disrespectful to me or anyone in our family I'm certainly not going to have them at our house or take them on outings.  I don't think I'd continue to drive the kid, either, but I know it can be a difficult situation if you've already committed and the team is counting on him being at games.  What does your son have to say about his friend's behavior?  I would calmly talk to him and let him know how you're feeling.   I think that he's old enough to understand your concerns and where you're coming from.  He'll then have to make the choice regarding how much he wants to associate with the boy at school and practice.

momofne
by on May. 15, 2012 at 5:30 PM

Thats tough. I would definitly say something to him about swearing and giving the bird in my presence and let him know you will not allow it first of all. As far as the parents some just don't get "it" and feel like they are intitled to rides etc. And the boy trying to get your son and others to do bad is just stupid (on his part). I'm sure your son knows better but peer pressure sucks sometimes. I can totally understand you wanting to help him pull back. Just becareful and do it gently  or you might have some retaliation which can open another can of worms:) Sometimes they come around and change and other times is good to say goodbye.

Refurbished
by on May. 15, 2012 at 11:29 PM

I'm dealing with the same thing.  I did back away and finally just told the kid that I would not be picking up/dropping off anymore and to find another ride.  It was hard making the decision, but now I only wish I would have done it a lot sooner. 

02nana07
by Ida on May. 15, 2012 at 11:45 PM
3 moms liked this

 I wouldn't hold his parents bad manners against him but I would tell him if he is to ride with you the next time you see him flip someone off or hear him cussing he will need to find another ride as you will not tolerate that behavior.

pinkyheather
by on May. 16, 2012 at 12:54 AM

I don't blame you, that's not fair at all. they might not care what their kid does but he's trying to corrupt not just yours but the other boys as well. leave them in the dust and move on.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on May. 16, 2012 at 1:13 AM
3 moms liked this
Yep, trust your Mama Radar..you have every right to have your heckles raised so to speak with this kid. I know your 15 y/o is not your youngest, so I'm sure sadly like me it's not hard to spot a trouble maker and kid who very likely may be way down the wrong road by the time of graduation. For now I would not in any way encourage this friendship, however I would make a point the next time you drive carpool to drop him off last, pull to the side of the road and explain the reason you are dropping him off last is because you wanted to discuss his behavior without embarrassing him in front of the others. I would tell him if he continues to disrespect you and curse in your car, flip people off, ect you will no longer be able to give him a ride. Good luck and trust your gut. :)
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fammatthews4
by Trisha on May. 16, 2012 at 4:46 AM
I agree with this. If he can't respect you and your rules then his parents need to be responsible for getting him where he needs to go.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Yep, trust your Mama Radar..you have every right to have your heckles raised so to speak with this kid. I know your 15 y/o is not your youngest, so I'm sure sadly like me it's not hard to spot a trouble maker and kid who very likely may be way down the wrong road by the time of graduation. For now I would not in any way encourage this friendship, however I would make a point the next time you drive carpool to drop him off last, pull to the side of the road and explain the reason you are dropping him off last is because you wanted to discuss his behavior without embarrassing him in front of the others. I would tell him if he continues to disrespect you and curse in your car, flip people off, ect you will no longer be able to give him a ride. Good luck and trust your gut. :)
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momto3infl
by Bronze Member on May. 16, 2012 at 7:03 AM

 I would say yes, but it up the kids parents to push and make him do things like homework no cussing in front of adults and do practices and all that.

missvickey
by on May. 16, 2012 at 7:24 AM
EXACTLY!! If being on the team is important to him then he'll "man up." Then one day he may even be thankfull that someone taught him to be respectfull.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Yep, trust your Mama Radar..you have every right to have your heckles raised so to speak with this kid. I know your 15 y/o is not your youngest, so I'm sure sadly like me it's not hard to spot a trouble maker and kid who very likely may be way down the wrong road by the time of graduation. For now I would not in any way encourage this friendship, however I would make a point the next time you drive carpool to drop him off last, pull to the side of the road and explain the reason you are dropping him off last is because you wanted to discuss his behavior without embarrassing him in front of the others. I would tell him if he continues to disrespect you and curse in your car, flip people off, ect you will no longer be able to give him a ride. Good luck and trust your gut. :)
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Saille717
by on May. 16, 2012 at 9:05 AM

When he swears in front of you have you looked him right in the eye and told him to stop?  If he stuck his hand out the window of my car and flipped the bird I'd be pulled over no the shoulder so fast the seat belts would lock and he'd either apologize or walk.  Have you spoken to him yourself or just left it to the other boys?  

I wouldn't try to end the friendship....I've never seen that actually work on teens and usually it just drives it underground, so to speak.  Especially if they're on the same team.  It sounds like none of the other boys seriously consider becoming lousy students to console their delinquent friend.  And maybe eventually they'll be a good influence on him.  You can't hold it against him that his parents are selfish asses and don't reciprocate the rides, he has zero control over that so it shouldn't even be part of the problem.  

I'd say start putting YOUR foot down when he does these things.  Maybe tell your son to tell his friend that this is going to change or his friend won't be welcome in your car and eventually your home.  Basically, give the kid a warning and then if nothing changes you can justifiably stop driving him and having him around.  

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