look i have made my mistake but I went into my daughters room and cleaned up AGAIN 4 bags of trash sunflower seeds, shes 15 I clean her room at least once a month otherwise it would never get done. Than the other day my daughters roommate fell and hurt her hip and this daughter is 17 and has a 4x4x4 pile of clothes in most of the room plus trash never makes her bed so I say ok shes at school I'll take a space bag and clean it up. So I did the entire room and for the last 4 days she has left it in the bag and I asked last night ok please clean it up and she yelled at me and said no and than started throwing her things in the hall so I kept throwing them back in her room and than she almost punched me as she walked out the door. I dont understand how they can be so messy I'm not a messy person and they are. Also my 17 year old turns 18 in 9 days and has made it clear you cant tell me crap after I turn 18, its not like she does anything EVER.
Yep, when she said "go ahead" she should have sternly said right then "you have 10 minutes to pick up OR its all gone" and mean it. After 10 minutes it should have all been in the trash.
Quoting fammatthews4:Threatening does not work, you have to DO it.
Quoting playinmonkey:thanks when I tell her I'm going to throw everything out she says go ahead as far as punishment well so far has not worked.
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Please consider this response tough love.....
They are messy because you clean up for them. There is no consequence for them not doing it... On top of doing their work for them, you allow them to disrespect you and you take the blame for it thinking you are a bad mom.... You are behaving like an abused maid.... you need to STOP and stand up for yourself. You should not be allowing anyone to treat you like this.
My kids are 12 and 16 and do their own laundry. They have to make their beds every day, in the morning and keep their rooms clean / organized. They are not allowed food / drinks in their rooms other than water. They share a bathroom that they alternate cleaning. If they do not do these things they get into trouble. Having your own room and bathroom is a privilege.... the responsibility for that privilege is keeping it clean.
It will probably be harder for you since the girls have been acting this way and now they are getting older... when the kids were younger (easier to control/teach) we had them taking care of their rooms so now it is an expected habit. We did threaten to 'take their rooms away' if they would not keep them clean. Just the treat of putting their mattress in the living room was enough to motivate my kids to keep their rooms cleaned.
For your girls... Make a rule, tell them what the punishment will be and STICK TOO IT. Any clothes/items left on the floor will be donated and I will not be buying you replacements. I am pretty sarcastic... so I might even drag the rest of the household trash into their room and say "oh I thought this is where were were keeping the trash"... (probably too extreme for most people). If they have cell phones, electronics, vehicles, gas... they would be taken away until the rules were followed. For me this whole convo would start with a "I am not the maid... you are messy and disrespectful.... here are the new rules".
Quoting playinmonkey:
How do you stop doing it when you cant stand clutter or a mess and I've always done it, I do there laundry, take them to school and they still have attitude I wish I knew how to stop.
We have shared custody of my kids too... we pay for DD phone and their other 'parents' pay for DS phone. We follow the same rules for both phones. Their DAD should respect your wishes if the phone needs to be taken away for punishment. What we do is lock the phone so that only trusted numbers can be called/texted.....meaning just family and 911.
Quoting playinmonkey:
thanks for saying that, I feel like I'm losing a battle constantly with them but today I am going to take the clothes that are in the vacuum bag and hide them in the garage someplace and take away her laptop I cant take her cell phone cause her dad pays for that and hes wants her to have it. I guess another day at cleaning ARGH
Please DONATE it instead of throwing things away.
Threats do not work with kids... if you say you are going to do it... you have to actually do it. Always try not to say things that you cannot acutally follow through with.
Quoting playinmonkey:
thanks when I tell her I'm going to throw everything out she says go ahead as far as punishment well so far has not worked.
The 17 year old sounds like me when I was that age. When I turned 18 and spouted that crap...my parents kicked my butt out. After a month of living with my grandparents (and my shithead cousin stealing all my money from my bank) I came back...and lived by their rules until I found a job and moved out on my own.
The 15 year old...I know its hard, but I'd let them wallow in their own filfth for a while. And I mean not do their laundry, NOTHING. Maybe when they get bugs in their stuff, and have to wear the same filthy, smelly shirt and underwear for the third time in a row, they'll learn. Keep their door closed...and do NOT go in it. Be tough, mamma.
My dad took our door knob off when we were kids because we kept slamming it and locking each other out.... the door was next.... totally worked.
My kids know he did that and that we will too... so they shape right up when we mention it.
Quoting rkoloms:
cut her off financially. Take the door off of her bedroom
Quoting FindersKeepers:My dad took our door knob off when we were kids because we kept slamming it and locking each other out.... the door was next.... totally worked.
My kids know he did that and that we will too... so they shape right up when we mention it.
Quoting rkoloms:
cut her off financially. Take the door off of her bedroom
I would explain to her that even though she turns 18 as long as she lives in my house she lives by my rules. I wouldn't be throwing the items back I would be throwing them in the trash.
Pictures of your teen
- playinmonkey
on May. 17, 2012 at 10:20 AM