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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

What would you do?

Posted by on May. 21, 2012 at 2:05 PM
  • 12 Replies

How do you keep boundaries on not taking it personally when your teen has screwed up her/his life with picking bad friends??  She has lost all her good friends because of it & here we go into Summer and my dh & I are not about to let her hang w/the 2 girls this Summer.  We have kept her away 'out of school' from them but during school she still had lunch with them, etc.  We couldn't do anything about that. The problem is no one else will have anything to do with her because of the bad company she has kept. She has see other girls through out this school year get away from these 2 girls but not her. How did you deal with this or what would you do??

by on May. 21, 2012 at 2:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on May. 21, 2012 at 2:46 PM

I made sure that my children understood without a doubt that they, and only them, were responsible for their actions. I did NOT like a few of my childrens friends, mainly my oldest girls but I knew the minute I made them forbidden she would want it even more. Instead I put things in place to limit the interactions, but ultimately they had to be responsible for themselves.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on May. 21, 2012 at 3:20 PM

 That's a tough one. Is she involved in any extra cirricular like sports, youth group, ect? Asking because maybe she could ask girls from those activities to hang out? i've found with my kid'd friends usually the girl's that are involved in extra cirriculars have the more involved parents. Good luck!

FindersKeepers
by on May. 21, 2012 at 3:52 PM

My DD had a friend that was super snotty and I didn't like the way DD was starting to act.... looking down on people, making rude judgemental comments, talking snarky to people, looking people up and down and rolling her eyes at them.   DH and I constantly correct the behavior....  the 'friend' eventually got snotty with DD though.   They were friends since kindergarten and it is sad for DD because now they are not friends anymore and this old 'friend' goes out of her way to be cool.  

Nothing we really did sunk in....having the friend turn on her did.   She is mostly back to normal now and we make sure to stay on her about not being a mean girl and not making people feel bad with her looks, actions or comments. 

It sounds like your issue is more 'troubled' than snotty.... so I am not sure my advice relates.   I would say, keep doing what you are doing.   Try to put her in activities where she can meet new friends... volunteer work maybe.... Keep pointing out that ultimately we have to live with the consequences of our own actions... Right now she is building the wrong kind of reputation and it will limit her opportunities.   Good luck!

cat4458
by Bronze Member on May. 21, 2012 at 5:08 PM

bizzeemom2717 & FindersKeepers My dd is in soccer, basketball, volunteers, and in church activities & Wednesday night group.  It's just that since she has made it a practice to hang with these 2 bad moral girls she has gotten a bad name for herself too.  Her other friends left her as they left these 2 girls. She hasn't done the bad things sexting, saying bad things on facebook like they have but birds of a feather flock together (accomplice type of thing happened).

rkoloms
by on May. 21, 2012 at 7:51 PM

Make sure that your daughter will be very busy this summer. Overnight camp, working, volunteering, enrichment classes, etc.

PurpleHazey
by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:24 PM

I would pick who she can be with. Teach her that old saying "you hang with trash you smell like trash"

PurpleHazey
by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:25 PM


Quoting rkoloms:

Make sure that your daughter will be very busy this summer. Overnight camp, working, volunteering, enrichment classes, etc.

Those are some good ideas...great ideas!

missheathyr
by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:36 PM

I don't think you can really keep her away from them no matter what you do. Just like anyone else if you say no and they really want it they are gonna find a way. I agree with luckysevenwow. You will have to explain to her what you expect from her and what kind of behavior is acceptable and what is not. And make sure that she knows she will have to be responsible for her actions. The most important part is follow through. For example, if you say no sexting and you find something on her phone, no more phone. If you say no cyber bullying and she does it anyways no more computer. And let her beg and cry or throw a tantrum or try to bargain but don't cave. My boys have had friends, even girlfriends I didn't like. Eventually my boys saw the problems too and the friendships just disolved.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on May. 21, 2012 at 8:49 PM

What is so special about these two girls that your daughter has lost the other friends for them?

lnrmom
by Member on May. 22, 2012 at 1:42 PM

How old is she?

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