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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Do you have a problematic step child?

Posted by on May. 22, 2012 at 4:09 PM
  • 14 Replies

My husbands son had to move in with us.  First of all, my husband did not discuss it with me.  His son showed up on a school night and told me he was spending the night and never left.  He steals (from me and my son),lies about everything,  uses/sells drugs, doesn't go to school, spends the night out and doesn't let anyone know where he is, gets smart with me and does not do what I ask him to do, bully's my son and his brothers and tells me he is goon and does what he wants to do.  This boy is out of control.  His mother wanted to put him away and my husband did not want that. She put him in couseling and he would not go, he was assigned an aide and would not make the schedules appointments.   My husband works nights and expected me to help him with his problem teen.  After nine months of trying , I gave up.  What do you do when you exhausted all of your resources?  Needless to say, this has put a strain on our marriage and family.     

Am I a bad step mother for wanting him to go back with his mother? 

Sadly, his mother does'nt want him back and I'm at my wits end.

I'm venting but would greatly apprieciate and  suggestions.

Thank you.

by on May. 22, 2012 at 4:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Refurbished
by on May. 22, 2012 at 4:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I'd let dad handle his son.  I'd completely disengage from the parenting process and let dad handle him.  I'd take steps to ensure that my things were locked away and to either not be home when he is without dad or not let him in the house until dad gets home. 

MrsBLB
by Missi on May. 22, 2012 at 5:26 PM

Family counseling to get y'all on the same page.  Quick...

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on May. 22, 2012 at 6:06 PM
1 mom liked this

This is the time you need to sit down with your husband and go over a few things.  I got tired of things before too and we worked it out.  If he is mean to your kids, put a stop to it.  Grab him by the arm and march him to the room and shut the door!  Are you not allowed to be consistent?  If he leaves, tells no one, doesn't come home at his cerfew time, lock the doors.

dobrd
by on May. 23, 2012 at 7:11 PM

Jaydensgeemom, For starters, your DH has been very selfish for way too long.. He needs to step up, be the boys father, not put all the work on you.. I'm one who would tell DH that if he doesn't share the responsibility, he can take care of this himself, alone.. It's not at all right for him to expext you to deal w/this rough situation& expect resulte.. A 'strain'?? Thats an understatement considering your on your own w/this.. I'd put my foot down, & hard.. Prayers Honey.. Take Care, Donna....

Madammeke
by on May. 24, 2012 at 8:59 AM

No, you have done more than I would do, and excepted more than I would have. 

Discuss the situation with his dad and tell him that this effecting you and the rest of the family in a negative way, by his dad condoning his behavior he will never change.

He needs to leave pronto, and it is not your problem where that may be.

PurpleHazey
by on May. 24, 2012 at 11:11 AM


Quoting Refurbished:

I'd let dad handle his son.  I'd completely disengage from the parenting process and let dad handle him.  I'd take steps to ensure that my things were locked away and to either not be home when he is without dad or not let him in the house until dad gets home. 

Yes! Great advice!!!!!!

PurpleHazey
by on May. 24, 2012 at 11:11 AM


Quoting dobrd:

Jaydensgeemom, For starters, your DH has been very selfish for way too long.. He needs to step up, be the boys father, not put all the work on you.. I'm one who would tell DH that if he doesn't share the responsibility, he can take care of this himself, alone.. It's not at all right for him to expext you to deal w/this rough situation& expect resulte.. A 'strain'?? Thats an understatement considering your on your own w/this.. I'd put my foot down, & hard.. Prayers Honey.. Take Care, Donna....

You got it!

Juanita679
by on May. 24, 2012 at 11:30 AM
bump


10yrsapart9505
by on May. 24, 2012 at 2:50 PM

I had a very similar problem.  My dd was 10 and our ds was 6 mos and my exh's sons (4 & 5) were stayed with us for the summer and then it went back to the one weekend a month visit.  Exh was working 2nd shift. (1p - 11p or later) Then sleeping all morning.  Could have cared less that they were staying with us - made it a POINT to work the weekend we had them.  The eldest boy, was just too much.  My breaking point was when he and the 4yr old were playing in their room and the younger one came down sobbing because his brother kept shoving his hand in his bro's pants and wouldnt leave the little guys winkie alone. I freaked out.  Called exh, he eventually came home but never dealt with it.  I called both the other moms, the younger one's mom was in the hosp had just given birth and the eldest one's mom could have cared less.  She said i was overreacting.  Since exh wouldnt deal with it, i packed the boys up the next morning and drove them 3.5hrs back to their mommys and told my exh that if he couldnt be home to help take care of HIS kids, then I wasnt babysitting them any more.  Unfortunately, i havent seen the boys since.  And a year after that he signed over his parental rights to both of the boys.  He's a loser. I regret that my son doesnt know about his brothers, but it was not MY responsibility to solely care for his children from past relationships.  It is only my responsibility to love them and be their friend because they all ready have a mommy.

pinkyheather
by on May. 25, 2012 at 2:52 AM

I don't think it makes you a bad stepmother at all. It sounds like you tried. Your husband shouldn't have taken him in without consulting you, and he shouldn't have taken him in if he knew about his night time activities and thought you should be the one to handle it and not him.

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