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So sad for my sons... need advice...UPDATE!!!!

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Ok moms, I really need some advice. Im a married mom of 2 boys, 13 and 7 1/2. Im concerned about both my boys but especially my 13 yr old cuz hes at such a critical age. My hubby is their bio father and the kids were NOT accidents. The problem is he doesnt take an active role in our sons lives. He is here but not so much emotionally. I know my 13 yr old could really use a strong fatherly influence and I have told hubby that but it always ends up in a fight. Im at my wits end! Sometimes I wish I could buy my kids a new dad. My hubby is emotionally distant with me as well, but my main concern is my boys. I try to be both mom and dad but Im not a man and I think they really need their dad. Has anyone else had this problem? I just feel so bad for my boys and I dont know what to do :-(Update:Thank you ladies, all of you for taking the time to read and respond to my post.I am totally amazed at the response!Everybody had great advide and I was actually surprised to see how many other moms have/had this or a similiar issue.I wouldn't wish this on anyone,but it's nice to know I'm not the only one with this problem.I don't feel so alone anymore.As people were responding I wasn't exactly sure how to respond back to a specific response.I tried,but usually I'm mobile and it's not a touch phone so I can't see everything.One mom asked if I work and if not,why not? I'm on disability and have been for about 16 years for depression/anxiety. So I do have money coming in,sometimes as much as my husband brings home for the month.A lot of you suggested Boy Scouts. My youngest is in Cub Scouts since the beginning of this past school year,and yes it's ME that takes him to all the meetings and such. He loves it and so we will continue it. My older son will not join. He is like me in that he has social anxiety, plus he says it's so NOT cool to join at his age.I'm not gonna force him.Both my boys are AWESOME and they know we BOTH love them,they're just way closer to me.They are my world! Sorry so long. Thank you everyone so much for caring and sharing!
by on May. 28, 2012 at 1:57 AM
Replies (21-30):
carmenclrk
by on May. 30, 2012 at 12:37 AM
2 moms liked this

Mentor/big brother/uncle/grandfather or all of the above

MomTiara19
by Member on May. 30, 2012 at 6:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Hi,

Has your dh always been emotionally distant or is this something new?This could be just his personality?Did something happen in his life to make him pull away from all of you?Would he be willing to seek family counseling?

Meanwhile I wouldnt think about buying your kids a new dad.I would just keep working with the one youve got:)

Noone is perfect....and him being physically there is better than him running to the bars at night.Just keep being there for your sons,encourage activites,encourage family times,friends over....etc.

Bring dad along....try getting him involved in all activities.Maybe encourage dad to take the boys on a store run,or help out as a coach at school.Just keep trying...keep encouraging....things will fall into place.

Love the above idea of getting grandad and uncles involved:)

hugs~Tia

RavenDravenF
by on May. 30, 2012 at 6:25 AM

as a new mom that grow up with no dad.... i know its hard on you and the kids but you need to get out of where you are now and do what my mom did and try to find some one that will be there for you and your kids

CafeMom Tickers

Juanita679
by on May. 30, 2012 at 8:42 AM
bump


NewMama89
by on May. 30, 2012 at 9:16 AM

I'm dealing with the same thing my fience  ever since we got pregnant he is more distances then ever and the only time he really acts likes he cares is when were laying down and that will be the only time he even touches the belly so maby threaten him that if he doesn't become a better father then you'll will end up separating most likely because of the distance he is putting between himself and you guys. It makes my man work a little harder to comfort me for a little while but all you have to do is kindly remind him wheat needs to be done.

Pooobaihr
by on May. 30, 2012 at 9:30 AM

You can't make him do anything he doesnt want to do. He wants to piss around.  Then you leave.  Simple as that.

ninjamom3
by on May. 30, 2012 at 9:37 AM


Quoting ashleighmama:

He wasnt always like this, it was a slow change. I dont know if it makes a difference or not but I an 40 and hes 51.

Quoting zannahdeux:

Was he like this before or did he suddenly change?

My husband is a lot like that too. I'm 34, he's 50 and we have two boys 13 (he's not his bio dad but he has been the only and we have been married since my son was 3) and 10. He slowly drifted into that pattern of being distant unless the kids made a mess or did something that bothered him. Then he's all over them. Other than that, he's wrapped up in himself. I've done all I can do short of divorce but he is who he is. I feel cheated out of the man I thought I was marrying and my boys feel cheated out of a dad. I've been sweet and I've been not so sweet about it with no change in him. I've just had to accept it, keep my boys around wonderful men at church, and take them both to counseling on a regular basis. I feel your pain and wish you and your boys the best.

beeky
by Member on May. 30, 2012 at 9:40 AM

Has your husband always been this way?  If he hasn't, then it might be worth talking to a doctor about depression.

mrgetinold
by on May. 30, 2012 at 9:49 AM
My hub is distant to my son will be 12 and i like u try to instill in him how to be a better man then his dad is ( to treat a lady with kindness and respect etc) i try to get other guys in the family too his uncles and he has male cuxin in their late twenties and thirtys to show him things his dad dont) like a big brother, is there anyone like that for your sons? What about boy scouts or karate ( my dd did this and learned life lessons) yes there are days i wish my kids ( me too for that matter) and days they hate their dad too(when my folks divorced and i wad in school i would tell my mom well u picked him and now those words haunt me from my dd ( paybacks are truly hell!) When my hub dose try to have one on one time with one of the kids i get ewwee dad talked to me about blank why did he bother, double edged sword damned if u do damnef if u dont, so just try your best, i wish you and your sons the best hugs to u both!
Queen_Sheila
by on May. 30, 2012 at 10:09 AM

Have your boys told him they need him? Maybe if he heard it coming from them it would make a difference.

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