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she's pregnant

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 12:39 AM
  • 733 Replies

My 16 DD is 9 wks pregnant. I just want to cry. I just gave birth to my fifth baby last week. She was in the room too! She watched everything, knowing she was pregnant and didnt say a word.

 I knew her and her boyfriend were having sex. She told me so. She only told me because she wanted birth control. I told her I was agenst it 100% and instead of keep having sex i told her to STOP. Well she went to planned parenthood to get on the pill, and they did a pregnancy test only to find out she was pregnant. She had her boyfriends sister take her to an OB to make sure.

So she finally told me and showed me her ultra sound pictures. I just cried. Her father passed away before she was born, and his family has had nothing to do with her or me since his funrel.

I am just besides myself. What do I do now? I am nursing my daughter, and realizing i'm gonna be a grandma at 32! I was 16 when I had her, and she knew how i stuggeled with her. I kept talking to her, and i thought she listened. I am just embarassed

by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 12:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tattooedmama218
by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 1:57 AM
156 moms liked this
I am so sorry to hear...however you should have gotten her the birth control when she asked. Did you really think asking her to stop would work? That would be like trying to use your finger to plug a hole in a dam. Be strong you made it this far as a mom hopefully things will be okay.
bizzeemom2717
by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 2:23 AM
7 moms liked this
I'm so sorry for all of you to be in this situation. Will she consider adoption?
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sunflowers12
by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 8:35 AM
7 moms liked this
Well it is certainly a situation and I my self have not had to go though this... But what's done is done.. if she is keeping the child which I am assuming she wants to she will just have to figure it out just like it sounds you did... It tough even when your merried and have jobs and others support... She will just have to grow up very fast and be a mom if that's what she wants... It sounds like you did try to get across to her, but she just didn't seem to care to much about it... I am sure your going to go throu every emotion there is to have...but all you can do is come to terms and keep going forward with life... Wish there was an easier way for you... Try not to let it get you down to much :)
fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jun. 4, 2012 at 8:38 AM
12 moms liked this

That wasn't going to work, she went to planned parenthood to get it and she was already pregnant.

Quoting tattooedmama218:

I am so sorry to hear...however you should have gotten her the birth control when she asked. Did you really think asking her to stop would work? That would be like trying to use your finger to plug a hole in a dam. Be strong you made it this far as a mom hopefully things will be okay.


annie2244
by Silver Member on Jun. 4, 2012 at 9:19 AM
103 moms liked this

I would make a sheet that lists all the expenses in life, including small child related expenses. Then I'd show her what the take home pay is for a minimum wage worker, then list a few jobs that she can maybe get that pay a bit more than that which require a hs diploma and or short training, then list a few jobs that pay a bit more than that requiring a 2 yr degree, then list a few that require a bachelors and their take home pay.

Then I'd list what you will and will not help her with in the daily work of taking care of a baby and a small child. And how long you're willing to do it, if at all, past hs graduation in a couple yrs.  For example, if she keeps the child, all next winter she is going to school as big as a house. List on a sheet of paper her daily schedule starting in March when the baby arrives: she will be up every 2 hours in the night feeding/changing her baby, then getting up 45 min earlier than she does now to get her baby fed, changed and packed up for daycare, then she goes to school, then she picks up her baby and comes home and takes care of her and studies until bedtime, throwing in a load of laundry every other day since now she's not just responsible for her own laundry but her babie's too. Repeat. Day after day. You'll babysit whatever amount you are willing (once a week for 5 hours?) After she graduates, daycare will be added into her expenses, substitute full time work for school, saving every penny to be able to take a year or two off to go to school to get more training to increase her hourly wage.

She needs to know what she's signing on for if she decides to keep the child. Then give her the deadline for her to decide (the week before the final date she could abort if she chose to. She should know that date). Go over the pros and cons of aborting. Go over the pros and cons of giving the child up for adoption, open and closed. Go over the pros and cons of keeping the child (and taking on financial independence, not keep the child and continue to be dependent on you for the next 10 yrs).

She has a huge decision to make. She needs all the facts, and lots of help to process through what she wants to do, and why and really know what her choice means for the next 1,5,10,20 yrs, eyes wide open.

sls7170
by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 10:18 AM
41 moms liked this

Positive spin: She has you to help her through it.

Life gives us tough choices and we have the choice of finding the positive or dwelling on the negative, it isn't easy and we all struggle with it but good things can come from this (even if it is hard to imagine at the moment.)

atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 4, 2012 at 10:23 AM
25 moms liked this

I would make sure she knows the baby is her's.  You are the grandma and the baby will be her responsiblity. 

Barabell
by Barbara on Jun. 4, 2012 at 10:33 AM
15 moms liked this

This is some great advice.

OP, good luck.

Quoting annie2244:

I would make a sheet that lists all the expenses in life, including small child related expenses. Then I'd show her what the take home pay is for a minimum wage worker, then list a few jobs that she can maybe get that pay a bit more than that which require a hs diploma and or short training, then list a few jobs that pay a bit more than that requiring a 2 yr degree, then list a few that require a bachelors and their take home pay.

Then I'd list what you will and will not help her with in the daily work of taking care of a baby and a small child. And how long you're willing to do it, if at all, past hs graduation in a couple yrs.  For example, if she keeps the child, all next winter she is going to school as big as a house. List on a sheet of paper her daily schedule starting in March when the baby arrives: she will be up every 2 hours in the night feeding/changing her baby, then getting up 45 min earlier than she does now to get her baby fed, changed and packed up for daycare, then she goes to school, then she picks up her baby and comes home and takes care of her and studies until bedtime, throwing in a load of laundry every other day since now she's not just responsible for her own laundry but her babie's too. Repeat. Day after day. You'll babysit whatever amount you are willing (once a week for 5 hours?) After she graduates, daycare will be added into her expenses, substitute full time work for school, saving every penny to be able to take a year or two off to go to school to get more training to increase her hourly wage.

She needs to know what she's signing on for if she decides to keep the child. Then give her the deadline for her to decide (the week before the final date she could abort if she chose to. She should know that date). Go over the pros and cons of aborting. Go over the pros and cons of giving the child up for adoption, open and closed. Go over the pros and cons of keeping the child (and taking on financial independence, not keep the child and continue to be dependent on you for the next 10 yrs).

She has a huge decision to make. She needs all the facts, and lots of help to process through what she wants to do, and why and really know what her choice means for the next 1,5,10,20 yrs, eyes wide open.


randomosityblog
by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 11:17 AM
46 moms liked this

Guess you should've gotten her on birth control when she asked, huh? :/

emt088
by on Jun. 4, 2012 at 11:21 AM
3 moms liked this

im so terrified of this. Right now, our only teens are boys (only very slightly better than girls) but I have a daughter who g-d willing will one day be a teenager.  Make sure she has ALL the facts momma.. this is going to be a hard row to hoe for you both

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