My 16 DD is 9 wks pregnant. I just want to cry. I just gave birth to my fifth baby last week. She was in the room too! She watched everything, knowing she was pregnant and didnt say a word.
I knew her and her boyfriend were having sex. She told me so. She only told me because she wanted birth control. I told her I was agenst it 100% and instead of keep having sex i told her to STOP. Well she went to planned parenthood to get on the pill, and they did a pregnancy test only to find out she was pregnant. She had her boyfriends sister take her to an OB to make sure.
So she finally told me and showed me her ultra sound pictures. I just cried. Her father passed away before she was born, and his family has had nothing to do with her or me since his funrel.
I am just besides myself. What do I do now? I am nursing my daughter, and realizing i'm gonna be a grandma at 32! I was 16 when I had her, and she knew how i stuggeled with her. I kept talking to her, and i thought she listened. I am just embarassed
Ok first off to all the people judging OP for the number of children she has maybe some are multiples? And 5 kids at 32 really isn't that big deal. And yes maybe she should have taken a different approach when her daughter asked her for birth control but obviously her daughter knew enough that she could go to planned parenthood and get birth control without parental consent that she could have done that when she first thought about having sex. There are also things called condoms. And just because she is on birthcontrol doesn't mean she will take it every day or on time.
OP sorry for the negative comments and good luck and best wishes to you and your daughter.
Unfortunately, some ppl on here are absolutely miserable individuals, and feel it necessary to tear you down in your time of grief. I understand how horrific this must be for you. I understand that you have a lot of negative emotions toward her. Please, please consider her feelings at some point. She will have her own shame and be carrying yours as well. No matter what she decides to do with this baby, make sure she gets some solid birth control afterward, like an IUD. they are inserted in the uterus and are good for 5 years. A person can make it with one baby on their own, but more than that takes some maturity. call 211 to see what resources are out there for a teenage-mother-to-be. Also, consider online schooling for high school or for her to even get her GED. There is no difference between a HS Diploma or GED in the job market now-a-days. I'm sure she is ashamed, because she waited to tell you. I'm not telling you to condone or be happy about the situation, only to accept it and move forward.
Quoting annie2244:I would make a sheet that lists all the expenses in life, including small child related expenses. Then I'd show her what the take home pay is for a minimum wage worker, then list a few jobs that she can maybe get that pay a bit more than that which require a hs diploma and or short training, then list a few jobs that pay a bit more than that requiring a 2 yr degree, then list a few that require a bachelors and their take home pay.
Then I'd list what you will and will not help her with in the daily work of taking care of a baby and a small child. And how long you're willing to do it, if at all, past hs graduation in a couple yrs. For example, if she keeps the child, all next winter she is going to school as big as a house. List on a sheet of paper her daily schedule starting in March when the baby arrives: she will be up every 2 hours in the night feeding/changing her baby, then getting up 45 min earlier than she does now to get her baby fed, changed and packed up for daycare, then she goes to school, then she picks up her baby and comes home and takes care of her and studies until bedtime, throwing in a load of laundry every other day since now she's not just responsible for her own laundry but her babie's too. Repeat. Day after day. You'll babysit whatever amount you are willing (once a week for 5 hours?) After she graduates, daycare will be added into her expenses, substitute full time work for school, saving every penny to be able to take a year or two off to go to school to get more training to increase her hourly wage.
She needs to know what she's signing on for if she decides to keep the child. Then give her the deadline for her to decide (the week before the final date she could abort if she chose to. She should know that date). Go over the pros and cons of aborting. Go over the pros and cons of giving the child up for adoption, open and closed. Go over the pros and cons of keeping the child (and taking on financial independence, not keep the child and continue to be dependent on you for the next 10 yrs).
She has a huge decision to make. She needs all the facts, and lots of help to process through what she wants to do, and why and really know what her choice means for the next 1,5,10,20 yrs, eyes wide open.
Quoting myname27:
Quoting annie2244:I would make a sheet that lists all the expenses in life, including small child related expenses. Then I'd show her what the take home pay is for a minimum wage worker, then list a few jobs that she can maybe get that pay a bit more than that which require a hs diploma and or short training, then list a few jobs that pay a bit more than that requiring a 2 yr degree, then list a few that require a bachelors and their take home pay.
Then I'd list what you will and will not help her with in the daily work of taking care of a baby and a small child. And how long you're willing to do it, if at all, past hs graduation in a couple yrs. For example, if she keeps the child, all next winter she is going to school as big as a house. List on a sheet of paper her daily schedule starting in March when the baby arrives: she will be up every 2 hours in the night feeding/changing her baby, then getting up 45 min earlier than she does now to get her baby fed, changed and packed up for daycare, then she goes to school, then she picks up her baby and comes home and takes care of her and studies until bedtime, throwing in a load of laundry every other day since now she's not just responsible for her own laundry but her babie's too. Repeat. Day after day. You'll babysit whatever amount you are willing (once a week for 5 hours?) After she graduates, daycare will be added into her expenses, substitute full time work for school, saving every penny to be able to take a year or two off to go to school to get more training to increase her hourly wage.
She needs to know what she's signing on for if she decides to keep the child. Then give her the deadline for her to decide (the week before the final date she could abort if she chose to. She should know that date). Go over the pros and cons of aborting. Go over the pros and cons of giving the child up for adoption, open and closed. Go over the pros and cons of keeping the child (and taking on financial independence, not keep the child and continue to be dependent on you for the next 10 yrs).
She has a huge decision to make. She needs all the facts, and lots of help to process through what she wants to do, and why and really know what her choice means for the next 1,5,10,20 yrs, eyes wide open.
abortion should not be an option... ur not too smart r u
Wow. I remember becoming a grandma at 40; I can't imagine 32. Even then I scowled at my son and (soon to be) daughter-in-law; behind their backs I was dancing like Snoopy (I'm gonna be a granny! I'm gonna spoil him/her senseless and send her back cartwheeling to the parents!). Five of your own and now one more?
Love them all to death; face the future together with a smile; and always let every child know he or she is valuable. Counsel your daughter without anger or condemnation, and let her know that you support her every step of the way, no matter what. Remember, this is more than just her child; it's your grandchild.
So would you support your 14 year old daughter if she tried to keep the baby? Or would you be resentful?
Quoting PinkieRed:
Adoption is a selfless choice. I have a 14 year old daughter, and if God forbid she were to get pregnant as a teen, I would support adoption if that's what she chose. Better for a girl/woman who knows she can't handle raising a child to choose adoption, than to keep the child, and then do a poor job raising it, and/or resent the child, and take it out on him or her.
Quoting JayneeDoe:
I am really surprised with all you moms. I would be totally supportive. what's done is done. Adoption wouldn't even an option. Heck I would be devastated if it were. I couldn't imagine not being an active grandma. Grandparents have such an important relationship with grand kids.
You wouldn't know any of the "serious issues" I might have but obviously making judgemental uniformed statements is one of yours. How would you know what my morals are? Do you actually know what the word means? Whether I choose to use abortion as a means of birth control is none of your business. Last time I looked, it was legal. Abortion IS a form of birth control. Did you think it was something other than that?
How you segued from my post to your response is scary. Hope you don't have guns in your house. Uninformed people are either stupid or ignorant. You seem to be both!
You state that real humans learn from their mistakes -- obviously the poster didn't!
Quoting LadyNCVE:Quoting joidevie:
Wow you've got serious issues. Obviously low morals. Abortion is not always the answer. Some women use it as a form of both controll. You sound like one of them. Real humans learn from thier mistakes. You sound like and animal with that response.
Hopefully this will change your mind about BC...I know girls in their 20s who have been on the pill for years, but are still virgins. Giving your daughters the pill preemptively is not enabling them, but rather empowering and protecting them. As a seasoned mother, you know that you can't make their decisions for them, but you can at least do everything in your power to create a safety net in case this comes up again in the future.
And please, don't be embarrassed! I can't imaging going through all this while you're in the midst of caring for a newborn, but life happens and all you can do is handle hardship with grace and learn from it. You don't have the time or energy to be beating yourself (or her) up about this. Good luck!
Pictures of your teen
- SKG881976
on Jun. 4, 2012 at 12:39 AM