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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Please "HELP" I am having problems with my son and I don't know what to do

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 9:51 PM
  • 25 Replies

Don't know what to do my son will not stop his lying and fighting with meall the time and I take him to a therapist. Everyday when I talk to him he always debts me and when he gets mad he starts making these noises like we are beating him. Then if things don't go his way he trys to make me feel guilty. He is 17 years old but when this stuff happens he acts like he is 12. Sometimes i just don't know what to do I feel like I want

     to                            banging head into wallPlease Help Me

by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 9:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MonicaJP
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 9:57 PM
Is he a danger to himself or others?
mumsy2three
by Shauna on Jun. 13, 2012 at 10:01 PM

Do you go to family therapy or does he go to individual therapy? I would suggest family therapy to learn to communicate effectively with one another.

blondie805
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 10:14 PM
1 mom liked this

How would you act if he was 5 having a temper tantrum? Start doing that. Be calm. Don't let the noises shake you. You are strong! At 17, he is stretching his independent wings and getting frustrated that he's not flying yet. I know that understanding this doesn't change things but, it may keep you from pulling your hair out. Have a talk with him. Tell him that he has no respect from you and you have no respect from him. You want to earn that respect and you want him to earn it. Don't argue and don't fight him. If he wants to argue, then, the discussion's over and walk away calmly and with strength. don't let him rattle you. You choose to feel guilty and if you do, remember that the guilt is just an emotion. Emotions lie to you so don't rely on them. If he lies to you again, tell him that he has not earned respect from you and that means that he gets nothing from you. Stop fighting him! Walk away. Stay calm and do not give him any ammunition. Otherwise you haven't earned his respect.

momof2boyz21
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 10:21 PM

No he is not a harm to himself or others. And he goes to a therapist every week for one on one then I go in and talk too. He keeps telling me that he can't help but debt me and make these sounds. He has been doing this for the last 3 and a half years since I got him back. When he was younger I know that he was abused and I am tring to help him deal with that. I tell him that know matter what he has done wrong there will be no punishment as long as he tells me the truth but he still lies and does all this stuff

momof2boyz21
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 10:34 PM

I alreay do that I don't let him walk all over me. I always walk away from him and tell his that he needs to earn my trust and respect. Also, being his mother that he should respect me and not do the things that he does and still acts the way he does. I feel that to him bad attention is any attention. Last time he did this I eook him straight to his Doctors and he tried to put the blame on me

Barabell
by Barbara on Jun. 13, 2012 at 10:40 PM
1 mom liked this

What does "debt me" mean? Who abused him? Also, have you tried talking to the therapist about how to handle those situations?

My only thought is when he starts yelling out, maybe it's best if you step away until he calms back down and then try to address the situation as calmly as possible.

alik1983
by Member on Jun. 13, 2012 at 11:00 PM

Is this "therapist" a clinical psychologist/psychiatrist or just some card-carrying Ph.D.?  My suggestion would be to have your son tested by a clinical psychologist/psychiatrist who does the extensive screening/testing for disorders.  Sounds like your son may have a form of autism, especially since your he tells you he can't help it.  If he's making these kinds of statements in front of the therapist, I'm amazed the therapist hasn't suggested further testing.  Then again, maybe he/she just wants to continue being paid to help you and your son when he/she really isn't qualified to do so.

02nana07
by Ida on Jun. 13, 2012 at 11:20 PM
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 I think this is a mistake because in real life there are consequences for doing wrong and just telling the truth doesn't make things right.  He needs to be taught right from wrong using what happened in the past as an excuse to let him do as he pleases isn't going to help his future. 

Quoting momof2boyz21:

No he is not a harm to himself or others. And he goes to a therapist every week for one on one then I go in and talk too. He keeps telling me that he can't help but debt me and make these sounds. He has been doing this for the last 3 and a half years since I got him back. When he was younger I know that he was abused and I am tring to help him deal with that. I tell him that know matter what he has done wrong there will be no punishment as long as he tells me the truth but he still lies and does all this stuff

 

drfink
by Emily on Jun. 14, 2012 at 1:32 AM

Also is this a therapist that specializes in adolescents ? Many think they can treat anyone but adolescence is often times when many issues and illnesses can emerge.An easy thing to do is call the office and simply ask for the therapists areas of interest.Do not ask about anything specific at this point let them tell you

Ask what criteria they use to decide on various issues.

Good luck

Quoting alik1983:

Is this "therapist" a clinical psychologist/psychiatrist or just some card-carrying Ph.D.?  My suggestion would be to have your son tested by a clinical psychologist/psychiatrist who does the extensive screening/testing for disorders.  Sounds like your son may have a form of autism, especially since your he tells you he can't help it.  If he's making these kinds of statements in front of the therapist, I'm amazed the therapist hasn't suggested further testing.  Then again, maybe he/she just wants to continue being paid to help you and your son when he/she really isn't qualified to do so.


drfink
by Emily on Jun. 14, 2012 at 1:37 AM

I agree.I have never suggested to a family that there would be a blanket rule of no consequences.Sometimes  consequences are modified but honesty does not translate into any behavior is ok.Work on finding the cause of behavior,attempt to work through the issues  with clear cut consequences .This would include some positive re enforcement also.

Quoting 02nana07:

 I think this is a mistake because in real life there are consequences for doing wrong and just telling the truth doesn't make things right.  He needs to be taught right from wrong using what happened in the past as an excuse to let him do as he pleases isn't going to help his future. 

Quoting momof2boyz21:

No he is not a harm to himself or others. And he goes to a therapist every week for one on one then I go in and talk too. He keeps telling me that he can't help but debt me and make these sounds. He has been doing this for the last 3 and a half years since I got him back. When he was younger I know that he was abused and I am tring to help him deal with that. I tell him that know matter what he has done wrong there will be no punishment as long as he tells me the truth but he still lies and does all this stuff

 


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