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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Engaged while she has not even meet 1 child & other 2 children twice

Posted by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 7:15 AM
  • 25 Replies

Gosh, my x  just informed us that he is engaged. He is a very disconnected father. He does takes the boys (13 and 10) every other weekend for visits. My 16 year old daughter has not spent time with him for about 3 years. I have been a single mom raising the 3 kids on my own for the past 8 years. Mr. Military come and goes and give me a hard time on every issue yet he really does not accomplish much in his 10% of the time with the boys and 0% with his daughter. I do it all for the 3 kids yet he constantly tells me I need to seek psychologicalhelp. They do not really see him as a father and are afraid of him. They can not express how they feel and my daughter basically just tries to ignore situations. 

Who would get engaged to a person who has not spent time with the kids?  She has no idea what kind of father he is since she has only seen the two boys over dinner. I feel sorry for my 3 children. Their father has been off living his own life while he has greatly disappointed them time and time again over the years. What message is he sending? "I am getting married to someone you don't even know and that is alright." I know there is worse out there however I have been trying to raise my children with strong ethics and morals. They attendCathoic schools and are in church each week.   GRRRRRR

by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 7:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
zannahdeux
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 8:05 AM
Your answer is he is marrying someone as disconnected as he is...I would have never married my husband without meeting his kids, seeing the kind of father he was, and knowing the kids liked me and we got along was important.. Or your ex knocked her up and she feels it doesn't matter at this point. if your kids barely spend time with him I really wouldnt worry. Perhaps the other two will decide not to spend time with him anymore either. Please join us in stepmom central...bio and step moms discuss these types of issues. I think it will be helpful.
Tea4Tas
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 8:19 AM

My wasbund is a lot like yours. Why are you even talking to him? I told mine a few years ago that he was no longer to call me-or text. He can only email me-and text me if the email is urgent so I will read it immediately. That has made my life so much better.

My wasbund hasn;t seen our 21 year old since she was 13-our  9 year old for over a year-our  15 year old since he was 13 (and hasn't talked to any of them in that time either) The only child he sees is our 19 year old.

The kicker? He lives 2 miles away..the two youngest pass his house daily on the way to and from school.

PurpleHazey
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 8:37 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting zannahdeux:

Your answer is he is marrying someone as disconnected as he is...I would have never married my husband without meeting his kids, seeing the kind of father he was, and knowing the kids liked me and we got along was important.. Or your ex knocked her up and she feels it doesn't matter at this point. if your kids barely spend time with him I really wouldnt worry. Perhaps the other two will decide not to spend time with him anymore either. Please join us in stepmom central...bio and step moms discuss these types of issues. I think it will be helpful.

I am with you!

PurpleHazey
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 8:38 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Tea4Tas:

My wasbund is a lot like yours. Why are you even talking to him? I told mine a few years ago that he was no longer to call me-or text. He can only email me-and text me if the email is urgent so I will read it immediately. That has made my life so much better.

My wasbund hasn;t seen our 21 year old since she was 13-our  9 year old for over a year-our  15 year old since he was 13 (and hasn't talked to any of them in that time either) The only child he sees is our 19 year old.

The kicker? He lives 2 miles away..the two youngest pass his house daily on the way to and from school.

Yeah why is she talking to him?

annie2244
by Silver Member on Jun. 16, 2012 at 10:00 AM

He's thankfully your ex.. It's not helpful to you to be anything but DETACHED about him. He and his new wife to be clearly don't place a high value on parenting. Repeat everytime you find yourself tensing up about his and her behavior - 'whatever'. Have no/low expectations of what time he and she will give to your kids, help your kids have low/no expectations, and keep after the government/lawyers to make sure he pays his court mandated child support.

When he critiques anything about you, don't reply! You have simply a business like relationship with him. What time is he picking up the kids/dropping off the kids. Don't allow yourself to get pulled into any ugly exchange with him. End conversations politely as soon as you've exchanged the necessary dropoff/pickup information. This is the beauty of not being married to him anymore, you don't have to engage in battle with him. So don't. It encourages him.

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Jun. 16, 2012 at 10:01 AM

While I can't answer your question I can tell you that when I was a teen I was in a somewhat similar situation. My father left our family to live with his girlfriend or better stated ran away with his girlfriend from PA to CA.  I didn't see him or talk to him until I was 22 y/o and had a child of my own and then it was only to hear him apologize, which he never really did. I knew that he had been back in town for various things having to do with his girlfriend's kids but he never tried to contact me. He had been in touch with my brother, they reconciled shortly after my father left. My father and I never did. The only time he asked to see me was when he was sick. He basically came back to PA to die. I think he was trying to make amends with my mom and I but neither of us went to see him while he was near by. He was transferred to a VA hospital in Baltimore, where he passed away. I did go to his funeral to say good by and make my peace. 

All I can tell you is as much as it hurts you to watch your kids have to deal with his crap the best thing you can do is be there for them. Listen to them but don't bash their dad or try to place your feelings about everything on to them. They will come to their own conclusions about their dad and unfortunately for him by the time he realizes it,  it may be too late to have any kind of relationship with them.

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Jun. 16, 2012 at 10:08 AM

My guess is his wife to be assumes she doesn't need to know your kids because your dh isn't very involved with them.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jun. 16, 2012 at 10:28 AM

Who knows what he has told her. Maybe she thinks that he doesn't see the kids because you limit visitation (Not saying you do only what he might have told her). If that's the case, then why would she be concerned? In her eye's it would mean you are the problem and not him.


bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Jun. 16, 2012 at 1:49 PM
Thank goodness he is your EX husband. It's not within your ability to control what he does, all you can do is cont to be there for your kids.
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MrsBLB
by Missi on Jun. 16, 2012 at 3:05 PM

Your children come first.  Just be there for them.  Hang in there...

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