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My son is 17 and in rehab/boarding school and is coming home for a "home visit" HELP! I'm so nervous I can't sleep

Posted by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 6:53 PM
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My 17 year old son has been in rehab/boarding school since November of last year. He has done very well there and we have gone to visit him 4 times and now it is time for his home visit  for 10 days. It is very strange, but all of a sudden 10 days seems like a really long time and I am so nervous that he is going to relapse, or start fights in our house and run away like he used to. I am so nervous about this visit that I can barely sleep. Any suggestions or ideas on things to do/talk about would be greatly appreciated! I want to trust him, I am just apprehensive....

by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 6:53 PM
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lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Jun. 16, 2012 at 7:00 PM
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I think you should be really honest with him. If you are picking him up Tell him on the ride home.That you are so excited you havent been able to sleep. Tell him you are nervous and just want everything to go well. ASK him what he would like to do? Ask him if he feels nervous (I bet he does) Tell him you are so proud of him ! How much you love him ! Does he like going the movies? Bolwing? Are you near the ocean ?  go for a bike ride?  Ask him if there are3 restaurants or places he would like to see while home ? Are you having a get together with family to celebrate his visit?

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jun. 16, 2012 at 7:08 PM

I think your reaction is normal. It's hard to think that the chaos might be back. I bet though that things will be fine. If he is doing well it will probably spill over into your house.

liseelee
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 7:14 PM

Thank you so much! My son and I have always been so close...and I have been feeling guilty about feeling like 10 days is a really long time. The rehab/school has a list, a long one of things he is not allowed to do while on the visit...and I have been imagining him disregarding the rules and us fighting the whole time. I guess this is irrational, and yes! we live in Santa Cruz, so the beach can be seen from our deck. I guess I just needed to hear that although he has changed and will be a happier/healthier boy..he is still the same son I have always known and loved.

NettePooh
by Member on Jun. 16, 2012 at 7:20 PM
Best of luck to you.. Enjoy every minute, you may be pleasantly surprised .. I bet he is just as nervous as you and as the pp said ask him if he is and what he would like to do.. I would try to direct the conversation to an interest he has.. Maybe not talk too much about the rehab place but ask him what he wants ti do as far as a job, school, etc.. Most of all RELAX and enjoy your son!!!
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DarlaHood
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 8:17 PM

Great advice!

DropZoneMom
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 8:19 PM

THIS.   The best thing you can do in this situation is communicate openly with him -- and, hopefully, he'll do the same with you.

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I think you should be really honest with him. If you are picking him up Tell him on the ride home.That you are so excited you havent been able to sleep. Tell him you are nervous and just want everything to go well. ASK him what he would like to do? Ask him if he feels nervous (I bet he does) Tell him you are so proud of him ! How much you love him ! Does he like going the movies? Bolwing? Are you near the ocean ?  go for a bike ride?  Ask him if there are3 restaurants or places he would like to see while home ? Are you having a get together with family to celebrate his visit?


ashleighmama
by Ashleigh on Jun. 16, 2012 at 11:24 PM
Wow! This post really got my attention cuz when I was 17 I was also placed in a boarding/therapuetic school in another state. I am now 40. We had one on campus only visit, then I got to have an off campus visit with my mom and my aunt then at christmas I had a home visit and I was SCARED AS HELL! But I also had a lot of resentment toward my parents for sending me there. I now understand that they were mostly going on the advice of my therapist. It was a HORRIBLE place but all the info my therapist and parents got made it look like Club Med. I was put in there for depression and being suicidal, at that point I had never drank or done drugs. You say you have visited a few times and that he is doing well so hopefully all will be fine. I would just try to stay busy with him (but not smothering) and I wouldnt constantly talk about his issues unless HE initiates it. Just my opinion since Ive been in his position. I sincerely wish the best for you both on this visit and for the future. Good luck mama and HUGS!
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fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jun. 16, 2012 at 11:51 PM

I'm surprised there wasn't a counseling session where everyone got their concerns viewed before coming home.  Wish I could help.

liseelee
by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 12:07 AM

I have been scared of the resentment factor, and the visits we have had with him have all been 2 days only, that is their rule. The last one he got to stay in the hotel with us and it was a really good visit, so hopefully this one will be good too. There are just a lot of rules that he has to follow, like no computer, no phones, no talking to old friends, etc., and I am afraid I am going to spend the visit "policing" him to make sure all is well. I do not want to be smothering but at the same time want to do what his therapists recommend just to see if he can follow rules now because before he went to this school, he was on probation, getting arrested, leaving the house if anyone asked him to clean his room and not coming back for sometimes up to 10 days! I want to show him that I can see all the hard work he has done to earn his home visit and allow him to show us that he can be trusted, it is just such a hard step to take.

Quoting ashleighmama:

Wow! This post really got my attention cuz when I was 17 I was also placed in a boarding/therapuetic school in another state. I am now 40. We had one on campus only visit, then I got to have an off campus visit with my mom and my aunt then at christmas I had a home visit and I was SCARED AS HELL! But I also had a lot of resentment toward my parents for sending me there. I now understand that they were mostly going on the advice of my therapist. It was a HORRIBLE place but all the info my therapist and parents got made it look like Club Med. I was put in there for depression and being suicidal, at that point I had never drank or done drugs. You say you have visited a few times and that he is doing well so hopefully all will be fine. I would just try to stay busy with him (but not smothering) and I wouldnt constantly talk about his issues unless HE initiates it. Just my opinion since Ive been in his position. I sincerely wish the best for you both on this visit and for the future. Good luck mama and HUGS!


wodntulk2kno1
by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 12:12 AM
Is there anyone at his school you can talk to about your concerns to come up with a plan of the what ifs to put your mind at ease. My brother was at a similar school and we use to visit and he would come home. I dont remember it being for those many days but it was akward just because he had a nerviness about himself that seem to put everyone on edge. He means well but I know it is not easy.
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