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teenage wasteland and l have no clue what to do

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Ok today came the grades one d and the rest fs! This for the second yr i listened to how the grades u can look up on line were wrong, i turned that in etc, the same goes for attendance too we called nightly and oh i was there so we had her have the teacher sign saying she was there which never got done! Last yr they sent home things before the report cards saying your kid didnt pass and needed summer school this yr they didnt so we missed registering for as last week was the first week off summer school and the 180.00 tab, so my dd who might be a senior next yr will have to retake classes and redo her schedule, she dont seem to care, my hub is ready to have her take her ged and get a job, she has no desire to get her license either! And i am just numb and ready to cry over it all! I dont know what to do how to make her see she is screwing her own self over! I am tored of the lies, i cant trust her, we cant trust her to come home after schhool we live 6 houses from! And she just dont care she still thinks big dreams about what she wants to do, but she isnt putting any effort into getting there! I even told her id get her a dog ( we had a horriable thing happen to our dog two yrs ago my hub wont even discuss getting another one) but she is so dog happy i thought she would knuckle down and pass all her class for one) nope so i dont want to hear dog, i want a dog anything i am just so irrate with her! Uuughhhhh! I am just lost with all this, what do i do? Thank u all for listening, sorry that u had to :(
by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 7:11 PM
Replies (11-13):
FindersKeepers
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 3:40 PM

 

Quoting mrgetinold:

She does volunteer at a animal shelter, i let her have her i pod touch back but i rhinkthat will be going, she spends all day in her filthy room but we had hr down here all evening, she did get a water park pass but she watches my nieces to 12 and 10 while there! She says she can re arrange her schedule next yr and they already registered for summer credits, my sister says she is manipulating us and we need to stand our ground! I feel like ivw lost the battle

I agree with your sister that she is manipulating you.    I would take her iPOD away.    She would be forced to clean her room, which would be stripped to just the basics (and cleaned DAILY) and her bedroom door would be gone.   Water park pass would be wasted or if you/her promised to watch her neices I would contact the park to see if the pass could be transfered premantly to someone else who can watch them.  

Fine that she can rearrange her schedule for next year.... that will be when she can start EARNING back priveleges.   I am serious too... my DS was told B average or he would not be driving all summer.   If he brings back less than than, his car will be parked and he will have 1st semester of his junior year to come back with good grades.    You should provide the basics, but extras are EARNED with good grades and good behavior.  

rebeccasmly
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 3:45 PM

Agree with this.

Quoting boys2men2soon:

Well, you can get her some online classes, but if she isn't motivated, it will be a waste of money.   If she were my kid, life as she knows it would be over!    She would no longer have any priveledges.  I would take away anything that means anything to her.....phone, computer, video games, make up, bedroom door.   Her social life would be on hold, as well.      If she refuses to get a summer job, make her volunteer.

Getting a GED and a job is not a bad idea.


annie2244
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2012 at 11:05 PM

This week, I would call parochial and small academically rigorous charter schools to get her enrolled in a different school in the fall. This school is failing her. And peer group is 90% of the battle.

I would make each day of summer privileges contigent on completing 3 hours of school-related work each day. Workbooks at Barnes and Noble and reading. If she doesn't complete the assigned work during the day, she does it from 7-10 each evening at the kitchen table. An hour of reading, an hour of a math workbook, an hour of a grammer/reading comprehension workbook. Failing a term has consequences. You can do the work at school or you can do it all summer long under the school of mom and dad.

In the fall, first week of school, I'd meet with her counselor to have her help get an agreement from each of her teachers that each day your DD will write what homework is due, and whether anything is overdue, and the date of the next test, which they will sign off on at the end of each class. So - each day you will be able to see what's going on in each class. If she doesn't get each class signed off each day, no privileges. If she doesn't get it signed off 3 days in a row, you'll show up at the class(es) missing an update and help her get it signed off on (can't imagine it would take more than one occasion of that for her to take this seriously).  I'd also get agreement from her that every evening at 6 she is home for dinner, and from 7-9 she is doing homework at the kitchen table with you there for questions and oversight. I'd get the home address and phone of all her friends, so you can physically track her down if need be, which is too embarrassing for her to want you to go through with, so to avoid it, she will likely come home by 6p.

I'd also make sure she understands that the fall of her 18th yr, she will only be living with you if she is a full time student, and show her the itemized cost of independent life and the take home pay of various jobs. Real life is looming only months away (24 months? not clear how old your DD is). Does she think she's just hanging out with you after hs, or that independent life is pretty easy to fund?

As a mom, I owe my kid 18 years of never giving up energetic effort to get them graduated, not pregnant, with as many good habits and grounded thinking as I can instill. To help them become capable adults. Then I owe them the door, To prevent them from getting stuck in childhood dependency.

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