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SIBLING TENSION~Is She Missing Him Already?

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:49 PM
  • 4 Replies

 I have 4 kidsd here at home. My oldest is 18. He just graduated and will be heading off to college at the beginning of August. I also have a 16 year old son, a 15 year old daughter and an 11 year old daughter.

My 18 year old son has always been very active and can't stay home. He is very sociable. My 16 byear old is more of a quiet homebody but I think both the boys have been making the most of there last few months at home together this last year. They have been doing more wrestling and just playing aroung together.
My 15 year old daughter, I think is feeling the fact that my oldest is about to leave too. She wrote a letter to my Grandpa asking questions about when his kids started leaving the house. In reading this letter he got the definite idea that she is already starting to miss my oldest even though he hasn't left yet but is about to.
Now, here's a problem. My oldest does have a girlfriend now. So ofcourse she is over here sometimes and he is out with her some~but no more than it has always been with his other friends. She didn't have a problem when he had a girlfriend a couple of years ago and she really was here all the time it seemed like. Bur my daugher is having a real problem about this one now being here. My daughter does like her. This girl actually played soccer on my daughter's team this last year and they are team friends. Now my daughter is having a real problem with the time my son spends with this girlfriend. She wants my son to always be here at home and spending time with her. They don't actually do stuff together but she just wants him here at home and no one else that doesn't belong in our family. My daughter causes alot of conflict due to this. My son is around the house the same as he has always been but as I said, he is one of those people who needs to be very sociable with friends playing ball a lot.
What would you do about all this? Neither one of them are wrong. I think my daughter is just already missing my son alot so she wants him to be here all the time but it just can't be that way. They will all grow up. My daughter is even starting to date but she still doesn't seem to get it. I don't like the conflict that is happening here. I do want my kids to miss each other. I want them to have a good sibling relationship but my daughter does need to understand that we can't make my son be here all the time. She just needs to enjoy the time rather than be mad at him for everything (which seems to happen when he is not here).  Do you think it is just because she is already missing him?  What are some thoughts on ways to make the tension stop?
Sorry so long and I probably rambled to much for everything to be understood well.  Feel free to ask questions.  I may get things across better if I am answering a question.   I appreciate your thoughts on the subject.

by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 4:49 PM
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by Susie on Jun. 19, 2012 at 5:04 PM

She might be.  I would talk to her and see if that is it.  I wouldn't make my son stay home just because of her though.  This is his last summer before college and he should be able to do what he wants and have a great summer.  I am sure he can spend some time with his sister also.  I wouldn't let her take it out on his girlfriend either. 

by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 7:07 PM
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First of all I think that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard of (and it brings back a lot of memories).  It's wonderful to see that she loves her brother that much.  That's what it is.  She is afraid of the change.  Afraid that things will change when he leaves.  And it willl.  But that doesn't have to be a bad thing.  Tell her she can email him and text him.  They can stay connected thru facebook.  This will open up a new chapter in their lives and although she is scared of the changes that will occur soon, you can help her see the positive. 

Believe me, I've lived it.  My kids are 21, 19 and 14.  The 14 yr old is a girl and went thru this when her brothers went off to college.  They are close and she was afraid things would change and she wouldn't be as close to them any longer.  Now when they come home, it's like Christmas for her.  They spend time with her and take her places.  She "talks" to them thru facebook and text messages all the time.  And the fact that they answer her thrills her to death.

All will be fine, I promise.  Hang in there Mama!

by Grumpy on Jun. 19, 2012 at 11:06 PM
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I think she feels her time with him is short and that he won't have time for her when he leaves.  I felt the same way when my brother went off to boot camp.  My brother and I fought like cats and dogs and became really close during that time he was gone because I wrote him all the time. 

by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:35 AM

 I would talk to both of them separately. Let your DS know how his sister feels so they can plan some time together.

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