Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

13yr old daughter is wanting boyfriends

Posted by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:21 AM
  • 17 Replies

I have told my daughter she can not have a boyfriend only friends! Am i wrong to tell her she cant have a boyfriend at the age of 13? Her reason for wanting one is because all her friends have one and they will make fun of her if she don't! Well i went threw her cell phone because i seen a change in her! And yup there was texts and pictures of this boy! Inappropriate pictures at that! I took the phone talked to her and his parents BTW he was 11yrs old and i thought all was well until i found a note well not just 1.... 42 to be exact that all this was still going on so again i made attempt to stop it and yet she still wont! what do i do? I'm switching her schools but she still is going to start with another boy! how do i deal with this? am i being to strict? i probably wouldn't even had know about it because i trust her so much if her attitude and with drawing from family lying and grades dropped she was in advance classes and got kicked out because of her grades went so low HELP!

by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:21 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ashleighmama
by Ashleigh on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:41 AM
I have a 13 year old son and he had his first girlfriend at 12. At first I freaked but I really liked the girl and her family. He ended up getting his heart broken. Hes had a couple gfs since and I just pay real close attention. They usually just see each other at school and theres not much I can do about that anyway. But the inappropriate pics and him being 11 is a bit much. Im not really sure what to do about that. Im sorry your struggling with that part.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
DarlaHood
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 3:08 AM

NO!!  You are NOT BEING TO STRICT!!  13 is too young to be having bf's.  I would want to consider what peer group she is in.  Is it innocent 13-yr-old crushes, or is it more?  If it's more, you may want to consider changing her environment and peer group.  If it's crushes, then you need to to work on your relationship with your own dd, and your ability to communicate to her what is appropriate and not.  I am an advocate of private school, even if it takes eating ramen or mac and cheese every night to afford it.  We sent our dd to a private school.  We are middle class, not rich, and it was a sacrifice.  We drove older cars.  We cut back in other areas.  But the difference it made for our daughter was invaluable, and we have absolutely no regrets after 12 years of private school.  They have no business in romantic relationships at 13!!

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jun. 21, 2012 at 9:47 AM

It all depends on her definition of a boyfriend.  My 12 year old wants a boyfriend.  She still thinks kissing is gross.  So I don't mind.  No dates though.

Barabell
by Barbara on Jun. 21, 2012 at 9:58 AM

I agree with fantasticfour that it depends on the definition of boyfriend/girlfriend that she is talking about. Here, a lot of kids seem to have a boyfriend/girlfriend starting at that age, but it's usually just them holding hands at school. They aren't going on dates yet, and they aren't seeing each other outside of school.

Fortunately, my son isn't interested in a girlfriend yet (he's 13), but if he was, I would set ground rules including how they communicate outside of school and no dates and no time together without proper adult supervision.

MB13
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 10:53 AM

You are definitely correct in being concerned. At 13, she is too young to date, and if her "social" life is taking over her life such that she is lying and doing poorly in school, I would definitely feel the need to do something.  I would be very concerned about the inappropriate pictures and messages.  Therefore, I would probably start by taking the phone away, or at least change the type of service so she can only  make phone calls.  Texting and pictures do not have to be part of her phone plan if you feel she needs a phone for safety reasons.

Maevelyn
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:03 PM

If the pictures were inappropriate that only proves that she can't handle a boyfriend. It's hard not to worry about what others think of you at that age but she can and must learn to make her own path through life. There will always be some one who will look down on you for something and you can't live for them. 

Maevelyn
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:11 PM


Quoting DarlaHood:

NO!!  You are NOT BEING TO STRICT!!  13 is too young to be having bf's.  I would want to consider what peer group she is in.  Is it innocent 13-yr-old crushes, or is it more?  If it's more, you may want to consider changing her environment and peer group.  If it's crushes, then you need to to work on your relationship with your own dd, and your ability to communicate to her what is appropriate and not.  I am an advocate of private school, even if it takes eating ramen or mac and cheese every night to afford it.  We sent our dd to a private school.  We are middle class, not rich, and it was a sacrifice.  We drove older cars.  We cut back in other areas.  But the difference it made for our daughter was invaluable, and we have absolutely no regrets after 12 years of private school.  They have no business in romantic relationships at 13!!

I went to a Catholic school growing up and so do my dd. Not only is the faculty free to fail students who don't turn in their work but you definately get more support for things like this. Not saying kids aren't devious and won't try but there are definately consiquences for you actions. In my opinion you get what you pay for when it comes to schooling. Even with public schools, you pay more to live in a better district. Sucks but money talks

PurpleHazey
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:23 PM

13 is to young and 11 has no busness even thinking about it. Bad pictures on her cell well that is easy take it until she is old enough to have one.

PurpleHazey
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:24 PM


Quoting Maevelyn:

If the pictures were inappropriate that only proves that she can't handle a boyfriend. It's hard not to worry about what others think of you at that age but she can and must learn to make her own path through life. There will always be some one who will look down on you for something and you can't live for them. 

Nicely put!

PurpleHazey
by on Jun. 21, 2012 at 12:25 PM


Quoting Barabell:

I agree with fantasticfour that it depends on the definition of boyfriend/girlfriend that she is talking about. Here, a lot of kids seem to have a boyfriend/girlfriend starting at that age, but it's usually just them holding hands at school. They aren't going on dates yet, and they aren't seeing each other outside of school.

Fortunately, my son isn't interested in a girlfriend yet (he's 13), but if he was, I would set ground rules including how they communicate outside of school and no dates and no time together without proper adult supervision.

very good advice.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)