I have a 17 year old daughter that needs to have me trust her again. How do I go about doing this?
I told my dd's that the amount of freedom they had is a direct link to how much trust I have in them. Building trust is a thousand little things. Being exactly where you are supposed to be, exactly when you are supposed to be there. Being home when you are supposed to be home. Being proactive about calling/texting me if plans change or new plans develop. Not having excuses, but solving problems so that they are doing what they say they are going to do when they say they are going to do them. This starts with little things, chores, errands, etc... and includes the big things. (The text, I am coming home because we are not spending the night at friend A's after all, and I don't want to be involved in whatever they are going to do that she knows is not o.k. with you.) It takes time, and transparency. Access to her fb, texts, computer, etc... One mistake puts her back at square 1. You will be able to tell alot by her willingness to communicate and her attitude.
Above all, trust your mother's intuition, and check up.
This is good. Trust lost is hard to get back. She needs to know that she has to earn that trust.
Quoting Vero2410:Give her simple responsibilities n don't remind her what she needs to do or when n if she can do that then give her a little freedom n tell her where she can go n what time to be back and if she screw that up start at square one. That's what my mom did with us n what I plan on doing with my girls
I also agree with this. Start small, and hopefully it will build back up over time.
I agree. She needs to do things that will help her to earn your trust.
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It all depends on what she did to lose your trust. What has she done to gain it back?
Well trust has to be earned, if that trust is broken it is hard to trust again. Let her do things you won't be too worried about and if she does well then give her a little more leway. But I wouldn't for a long time if she just broke a trust!! Don't you trust me? is often a guilt trip to get what they want!
Tell her that trust is earned, never a given.
Also, trust is a privilege.
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