Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Grandmother died today...ETA Wed 6-27-- no reason for the hassle after all

Posted by   + Show Post

My MIL passed away today.She was at her home and had full care.We had been warned a few months ago and she had at home full time Hospice Care.She has  had profound senile dementia for 6 or 7 years and for the past 3 years at least, recognized no one or really knew anything .She talked a lot about coffee and ice cream.She started slipping away on Wed.She would have been 95 on the seventh.

Our teens are at camp till Sat .We ,my husband ...HER son...decided we would tell them and gently encourage them to finish camp if they choose to.I had talked with camp about this possibility and they said in this particular type of situation elderly ,long time sick etc the kids tend to stay at camp.We discussed how it is handled ,the phone call , the care afterwards and they are on top of it.This summer alone a boy has lost a grandparent already.We have a time set up in the morning to call so they can have a good night sleep first and then all day.

Some members of MY family ,not my husbands,are doing back flips .They think they should have no choice and must come home.My MIL and  I were not fond of each other.I am protestant , my parents were divorced LOL two of my BILs are divorced but according to her for good justifiable reasons...the men cheated anyway .I am being told I am allowing them to miss the services out of revenge ???This doesn't influence my decision.My teens visited her often( I took them ) and before they left ,to them their NaNa left years ago which is how my husband and his brothers feel.Sad but the biggest loss for them has already happened.The funny thing is I have hosted my husband's family Thanksgiving and Christmas at her house since 2004.I buy ,set up organize everything .Not so much for my MIL but so my children could still have holidays with NaNa and all their paternal extended family.So nope not allowing them  to stay at camp out thoughtlessness.

So as an outside opinion is it horrid that we will allow them to miss the services? .I can go see them or my uncle ...they are close to him an hour away from them and will go if needed

Tell me what you think.   


First thank you for all the kind words .I have told my husband and he says to tell yall he appreciates your thoughtfulness to him a  complete stranger.He laughed and said obviously only woman answered no trolls because men would just grunt  and move on.I have explained the concept of trolls to him before...he just grins.

So after all the disputes in my side of my family one of my BILs tells his brothers (these are her sons ) he was scheduled for minor day surgery tomorrow Thurs ...first mention of that ...and he had decided he would like not to delay it.Of course his brothers agreed with him.So the Rosary is scheduled for July 6 and her Mass is on her birthday the 7th.

A little vent now but had he spoken up immediately I don't think we would have even told our teens till pick up on Sat. There wouldn't have been any need.I do appreciate it is his mom and he was torn within himself what to do .To delay or not but this is very frustrating to me.His children 12 ...girl and 14...boy are also at camp.

I just keep reminding myself it is his mother and he was upset.....but still frustrating to me and my husband,I am not bringing it back up to my husband but ugh !!!

by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 8:39 PM
Replies (81-82):
by on Jun. 27, 2012 at 7:56 PM
July 7th was my dad's birthday as well!

Quoting drfink:

Thank you

It just is weird to me ,or sadly not really ,that this is from My side of the family not my husbands.

This will be fine.The whole family has decided to celebrate her birthday on her birthday July 7th.

Quoting dobrd:

drfink, I agree w/you.. In similar ways, I did the same thing.. I did what I thought best for our kids then.. It didn't then, nor now what the other side thought.. Your boys are much being where they are. It's more important as to camp then being at a service.. Both of you can explain when boys come home.. It's what we did to.. It worked out better this way.. Take Care, Donna....

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 27, 2012 at 11:54 PM

you just stand by his side as best as you can and be the great supporter as you can it sounds like your doing a good job and as for the kids yeah wait until they get home and tell them the news

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)