So my DD is 13, and attached herself to a 15 year old 8th grade boy this year. As their relationship progressed, it got increasingly more scary. He would call over and over again if she didn't answer, he punched things, he was ALWAYS in trouble, even going so far as to get pulled off a bus and put in the back of a police car for threatining the driver.
I limited their interaction, but soon found that they were sneaking around behind my back. After I caught them the 3rd time, I told them they weren't allowed to see each other anymore. I've restricted my daughter from the phone, internet, and leaving the house, but she's still sneaking around behind my back. I caught her sending texts on her Ipod and dropped it in water, and tonight found out she's been sneaking phone calls to the kid at midnight nearly every night for the past two weeks.
I generally follow a rule that I don't attempt to pick my DDs friends because I know it makes the temptation even more but the relationship with this boy is EXTREMELY unhealthy and the boy is manipulative. A trait my daughter has clearly inherited. My DD has started leaving me notes saying she wants to die if she can't see him, and short of locking her in a closet, I just don't know what to do.
I'm at my wits end.
I agree.
Quoting CTBmom:
Have you talked to the boy's parents? That is the first thing I would do. They need to be aware that you are trying to limit the interaction between the two kids, but that they are sneaking behind your back. You don't have to tell them that their kid is trouble, you can just say "I feel my daughter is too young to have a boyfriend, right now." As far as you daughter goes, ask her why she feels so strongly about this boy. Try to get her to talk to you. And to keep her from sneaking calls at night, unplug the phone before you go to bed at night and put it in a drawer in your room.
I have spoken to his parents on numerous occassions. They really like my DD and think sh e is good influence on their son. They don't make him take responsibility for his actions and continue to drop him off in my neighborhood even though they know they are sneaking around. I will be taking the phone to my room at night, but I don't feel like that's going to solve the problem. My home has become a police state, and at this point it feels like it's going to last forever. I don't want to keep my daughter under house arrest until graduation.
Do you think she has been abused by this boyfriend? The way you describe him set off some red flags for me. If I was in your place, I would consider contacting a women's abuse shelter and see if a guidance counselor there is willing to explain the road she is going down.
Either way, this relationship does not sound healthy at all. I would consider counseling for my teenager. She's too young to be dating, especially for a relationship that serious. Maybe a third-party (i.e. counselor) could get that through to her.
Quoting webgirl8369:I don't want to keep my daughter under house arrest until graduation.
At this point, it seems like that is what she needs. It sucks.
You're a good mom for doing this. What's right is not always what's easy or what we want to do.
Keep up the good work, and you can find support from us too. Hugs.
Find some activity for her to do. GIve her something to do with her time besides worry about what this boy thinks. I know this will not be popular, but have you actually tried to get to know this boy outsides of these things? Perhaps if you allowed them time to spend in your home when you were there, they would be less inclined to sneak around. I know you dont like him already but have you given him a chance? Allowing them time together under your supervision would let you keep an eye on them. Alot of times, when mom is no longer opposed, the thrill loses its power. There again, getting to know him might make you see what your daughter sees. Maybe he isnt all bad and could use exposure to a good family environment. You daughter might very well be a good influence. Chances are, if you are more accepting, the bad boy will lose some of his luster.
Bless your heart.I have a friend that is going through something similar only it's the girl that is very controllingThey are 15.The girl's dad is concerned and works with my friend .Her mom just thinks it is young love...with threats of suicide umm no....My friend has gotten their son very involved in many activities and includes male friends with everything.Slowly but surely he is letting go also.His mom allowed contact in the house with her there.She recently organized a all guy poker/movie night at her house for her son.The girl texted ,called ,screamed and cried all night that he was distracted from texting her.His friends encouraged him to cut his phone off and eventually he did !!!
If you can keep her active and busy maybe he will burn himself out.
Ooh, I like the alarm system idea!! Have it turned on at night. We have alarms on the doors (not a teenager, my DH's grandmother likes to try to elope at night) and they are loud. Glue her window shut, get an alarm system, take all the phones into your bedroom and lock the door. Carry around the cordless one and don't let her have it. I also like the idea to contact the abuse shelter. Have a counselor talk to her, allow her to meet some of the women, allow them to explain how they were going to "die without" their SO until they thought they were going to die with him. Scare the shit out of her! Get a restraining order, something. When I was 14, I was "dating" a 17 year old, he was manipulative and abusing and a liar, but I "loved" him. He would sneak up to my window at night and sneak over to my friend's houses when I was over there. This is a dangerous road she is heading down and I think she might need some form of counseling, if she is going to let a guy treat her that way and disrespect you, she might have some issues that need to be address, like why she feels she doesn't deserve to be treated nicer.
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- webgirl8369
on Jun. 25, 2012 at 1:49 AM