When dealing with step children, I defer to the parent. Your husband needs to handle this. Coming from you can just escilate the problem unless you've been the only mom she's had in quite a while.
If you've only had custody for 6 months, perhaps family counseling is in order. She is testing you. You are all adjusting to a new family dynamic and lines must be drawn.
Grounding is really not the solution. Kids at this age do such things because they are crying out for care and attention. You said you just got custody. I really urge you to go to family counseling and make it clear to her that you are all willing to work on yourselves to better your family. She is not the problem, and you don't view her as the problem. At 14, she should be sheltered, naive, and innocent. If she is not, it is because something has gone wrong in her upbringing. The adults in the situation are the ones who need to accept responsibility for that. Answer her cry for help and things will get better. Meet her with anger, and things will get worse.
we will try that and see what happens, hopefully it helps thanks for al of ur suggestions..
What did she write about herself? 2 weeks is a long time to be grounded for insulting yourself + 2 for calling you guys a disrespectful name. To me the punishment should fit the crime and a month grounded seems a little extreme for this and if she is not going to learn anything from being in trouble that long.
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