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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

DD is driving me nuts!!

Posted by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 12:56 PM
  • 21 Replies

My DD is 15 and is extremely moody.  There seems to be no middle with her. I want to remain close with her, but there are times I just can' t stand her rudeness and selfishness. My question is... how do I stay calm and not call her a B-----, like I am thinking. (there is no other word to describe her behavior) On a good day, she and I get along great and she tells me a lot of things her friends do not tell their moms- we are very close.  But there are days (like today) that she makes me crazy by slamming doors and being rude and selfish. Should I punish her and if so, how? She seems too old to 'ground'.  What to do? I want to have that fine line between disciplinarian and best friend.  (btw.. my DH stays out of it unfortunately- he says to ignore her)

by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 12:56 PM
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luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jul. 1, 2012 at 1:06 PM

Door slamming...door removed. Huge pet peeve of mine. Sass get's the look and I tell them to go to their room. Then I pretty much count to a hundred and don't fight with them. Hard I know when all you want to do is slap them, but if you can learn to no engage things will go a lot better.

cat4458
by Bronze Member on Jul. 1, 2012 at 5:05 PM

Does she like call you names? Slamming doors isn't really bad considering the worse end of behavior, but disrespectful behaviour is totally different.  Take stuff away from her, ground her from events, friends, etc. until she can show you respect.  As for your dh staying out of it is it because she doesn't do it to him?  If she is being disrespectful, name calling to you, he should step up and stop her or it will continue and get worse.  Been there, done that and got the t-shirt.  When my dh steps in and tells her to knock it off she does.  She pulls the disrespectful stuff toward me.  Well, I should say SHE DID. She hasn't for months now, but she sure did before & it took a lot and it took time to see we were serious that it wasn't going to fly. 

Not_A_Native
by Bronze Member on Jul. 1, 2012 at 5:27 PM
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Actually, your husband is on to something.  I ignore a lot of teen behavior - basically any of the ways I would express frustration myself, I'm not going to punish them for it.  I also give them a certain amount of time (varies, depending on my mood), to blow off steam.  And if that involves muttering, a few rude commends, or eye rolling - so what?

Look at the bigger picture.  Will it matter in 5 years?  10 years?  Most things, no.  It won't matter what clothes she wore, or music she listened to.  It won't matter that she stayed up too late.  I choose to pick my battles (and my kids are 30, 22, 19, and 17).  Not everything is worth fighting for.

CDMelty
by on Jul. 1, 2012 at 7:18 PM
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Nobody's too old to ground.

DarlaHood
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 12:19 AM
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I agree with Not_A_Native.  Pick your battles and ignore what you can.  This is pretty typical hormonal bitchy behavior for a 15 year old girl.  They have moods and sometimes I don't even think they know what's wrong with them.  But if you have good communication most of the time, and if she is being responsible for the most part, try to let the moods go if you can.  Don't tolerate disrespect, but don't pick fights and always give her an out if she's in that kind of mood.  Hubbys are helpful with teen daughters.  I used to just tell my dh, I can't take her anymore, I'm going out for awhile.  And he would talk her down from her hormonal ledge.  Sometimes they go from mad to crying!!    It is trying. But it does pass.  Hang in there :)

Mom2NandJ
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 8:21 AM
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Totally agree. She still needs boundaries and that there is consequences for her behavior.


Quoting CDMelty:

Nobody's too old to ground.


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MusherMaggie
by Member on Jul. 2, 2012 at 10:11 AM
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I go through this with my daughter, who is also mildly bi-polar.  I have learned to calmly say something like "I cannot talk when either of us are this upset" and leave her presence.  I do not have the energy to be constantly arguing, so I don't--it takes 2 to fight!  She has become much better since I am not constantly in her face trying to correct her.  She knows what proper behavior is, even if she doesn't always exhibit it.  I let her know, later, with as little emotion as possible why a particular behavior upsets me.  It takes time to get to this point, but I feel like mutual respect is growing.

lnrmom
by Member on Jul. 2, 2012 at 11:32 AM
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1) She's not too old to ground.

2) If she's acting an A--, then she needs to go to her room until she can fix her attitude.

3) Ask her if mother nature is visiting, if she is, say "that explains it" and walk away. Likely it's a lovely case of PMS, in which a nice bottle of Pamprin for her and a nice bottle of wine for you will do the trick. ;)

Personally, I have that type of relationship with my girls too and if they are acting like a B__ I grab my keys and leave and tell them to text me when they are done and I'll come home. Then I go to the movies, walk the mall, whatever. I am just not setting in the house listening to that nonsense.

Capricorn0119
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 11:40 AM
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15 was one of my Dd worst years! Shes 17 now and I can't believe the difference. My advice is much like the other moms. Choose your battles wisely and ride the rest out. As much as it sucks to deal with a 15 year old I wouldn't want to be one! They're dealing with so many growing pains, hormonal, emotional, and even their brains are changing. I think when your very close to your teen-ager daughter when they're young they're that much harder as a teen because they have to really prove their independence (even to themselves).
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mylittlesuzy
by on Jul. 2, 2012 at 1:25 PM
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This is totaly a phase. Don't worry about it, but she just thinks shes alone let her know she isn't alone. When she is being a real B... just let her blow off steam it will help her feel tons better and then after this phase is over you and her will be very close. big smile mini

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