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Troubled 17 yr. old who thinks he know everything

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 10:23 PM
  • 15 Replies

My name is Peggy,  My son is PJ.  He has dropped out of highschool and wants to get his GED.  He flunked every class last year.  Mostly because he was suspended so much he missed all the work or he was too lazy to do it.  He has no ambition to do anything.  He is on probation for driving someones car with no license and wrecked her car and 2 others, so now he can't drive til he is 18.  He won't get a job, he won't do anything.  He's driving me crazy.  I'm going though a divorce and I'm looking for a job also.  He's argumentive with me and his 6 yr old brother.  They are causing me so much stress.  My ex left us in financial ruin. And he's very angry with him.  I have him in counseling. Nothing seems to help.   What do I do.  I had such high hopes for him.  He isn't doing drugs,  that I know of.  He does smoke cigerettes, that I hate!!!  He won't clean up after himself unless I yell and scream.  Which I hate doing.   He causes me anxiety and migraines.  His birth father is in Arizona and is no help.  My family is no help either.  I wish he was old enough to join the military.  I need a break and he need to grow up.  HELP!!!!!!!

by on Jul. 5, 2012 at 10:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Barabell
by Barbara on Jul. 5, 2012 at 10:38 PM

What is he getting suspended for? Does the school have a counselor that provides help to troubled students?

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Jul. 5, 2012 at 11:51 PM
Take away all of his privileges..no cell, computer or time with friends. How does he have money for cigarettes? He doesn't sound like he has earned any privileges.
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fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jul. 6, 2012 at 12:33 AM

What does his average day include?  What is it he does and what do you do for him?

lazyd
by Bronze Member on Jul. 6, 2012 at 12:34 AM

Why is he getting suspended?  The school should have sent him to an alternative school.  Yea, if he doesnt have a job, how is he smoking cigarettes?  If they're yours than lock them up somehow.  If he is stealing money, call the cops.  Or is he bumming cigs from friends?  When he does turn 18, you can legally kick him out.  Take away his keys or change the locks.  I know it will be tough, but if he is acting this way, for the safety of your younger child, than I suggest kicking his lazy ass out! 

DarlaHood
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 3:09 AM

Maybe you should try to look for ways to treat him more like a man and less like a boy.  I know that probably seems counter-intuitive, but sometimes young poeple respond better to expectations and accolades when doing something good than they to nagging and fighting.  Maybe just sit him down and say, Look.  I know this situaiton sucks and I know your mad.  I'm really mad, too.  But we love each other, and we're still a family.  I need your help.  Not just being my son, but I need you to be a partner with me in steering the family through this situation we're faced with.  I'm overwhelmed and I can't do it without you.  Here is a list of specific things you could do that would really help me.  I am not gonna try to make you do any of them.  Im just asking you to consider whether you could, and would be willing to do them in order to help me make it through this.  And I can try to do some things for you, too. 

Anyway, just an example of an idea.  He's 18, so your choices are limited.  And I'm sure everyone is hurt and under intense stress.  Maybe taking him for a heart to heart  - just the two of you, might help you align your goals and work together?

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Jul. 6, 2012 at 8:20 AM

Welcome,  I was just reading here in Michigan that the only state requirements for suspending is  violent acts against a another person or drugs and the state school regulations have asked for the schools to change their policy's because many children are not getting the education that they should have because there are too many policy's put into place...I mean using insubordination because they did not finish their home work as an excuse to suspend, it's just crazy, all these policy's are now made to make it easier on the schools not the students and kids are dropping out everyday because they are so far behind from these outrageous policy's. 

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Jul. 6, 2012 at 8:20 AM


Quoting fantasticfour:

What does his average day include?  What is it he does and what do you do for him?

good questions!

whitedaisies
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 8:22 AM

he's an adult, treat him like one. sit down and have a very grown up conversation with him about how you feel, what you are going through, what you expect from him, and what you want for him. screaming and treating him like a child are only going to make him retaliate like one. GOOD LUCK!

whitedaisies
by on Jul. 6, 2012 at 8:23 AM


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Take away all of his privileges..no cell, computer or time with friends. How does he have money for cigarettes? He doesn't sound like he has earned any privileges.


he's 17 not 12.

lafewsion
by Member on Jul. 6, 2012 at 10:06 AM

Perhaps you can find a program for at risk youth that will teach him some job skills and maybe even offer a placement of some sort. try to find an adult literacy program that offers a Ged program, they can make exceptions and take him even though he can't write until he is 18.  I don't think he needs punishment, I think he needs some practical suggestions he can work towards and remember it won't happen overnight. You will have to be patient.

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