OT: Depressed and discouraged - in bad need of prayers!
After being laid off for a year, I went back to work at a new the beginning of June, only to lose my job on Friday. Yep, what are the odds???
I was so thankful to have found a job after an entire year, and was feeling like things were finally starting to look up for me and my family.
Based on the job interviews, I thought the job was going to be a really good fit for me. Well, it wasn't. I hated it from the first day of work. My boss, who was wondefully nice during the interviews, turned out to be like a totally different person. I've had bosses at different jobs who can be "difficult", to put it lightly, and I can tolerate a lot, but I can't tolerate a boss who sees nothing wrong with screaming at her employees in full view of their coworkers, and who expects her employees to backstab each other. She called me into her office, and blew up at me when I refused to badmouth a coworker to her.
I was also informed that 3 weeks into a brand new job, with little training, that I should be "proficient" at the work, and I was flat out accused of lying about my years of work experience and my bachelor's degree, when I absolutely did nothing of the sort!!!
Besides just that, the job itself was nothing like my boss made it out to be during the interview. The work hours were different than what was listed in my offer letter, and I was also informed 3 weeks into the job that I need to be able to drive to and from meetings at off-site locations all over town, some as far an an hour and a half drive one way from my house. My husband and I only have one vehicle, which he needs for work, and simply can't afford to buy a second vehicle, so me driving for work is out of the question.
I was accused of lying during the interview about being able to drive, and when I said that I was asked no such thing, my boss pulled out the notes from my interview and (surprise) proved me right - she did NOT mention anything about driving during the interview!
I could write 30 more paragraphs, but suffice it to say that it the job was not a good fit for me, and my boss had some of the most bizarre rules and regulations I've ever seen, like employees not being able to wear short sleeved tops without a jacket, blazer, or sweater over it, never mind that the air conditioning barely worked, and it was literally about 80 degrees and humid inside the office, while we're in the midst of a terrible heat wave here. I had to go out and buy a bunch of new clothes for work, which I really did not have the money for.
I was dreading going to work every day to the point that I was physically getting ill. I was told by a coworker that she wanted to tell me during the job interview (I had a group interview) that the department is a horrible place to work, but she couldn't say anything. From what I gathered too, that department has awful turnover. They've lost 6-7 employees, in the course of two years. Now keep in mind that the department only has 8 employees maximum, ever! Isn't that an indication of something being wrong??? None of the current employees have been in the department more than 5 years, except for the boss, and two just started in the past 6 months.
So, on Friday evening, I was called into my boss's office, and informed that I needed to either resign, or be terminated, as the job was not a good fit for me. I was given a lousy performance review, that was based nearly solely on the opinions of two of my coworkers, including the one who I refused to criticize. So much for me being nice, huh? I chose to resign, because I was told that I can reapply for jobs in other departments.
Honestly, it's a relief to be out of that place. But I'm in a panic about being unemployed again so quickly, and not even having unemployment pay to fall back on. When I lost my last job, I was working for a small nonprofit that had its funding cut, and eliminated a bunch of positions including mine. I got a month of severance pay, payout of quite a bit of unused vacation/sick time, and I was able to collect unemployment. My husband and I were able to manage financially then, with him just working, even though money was tight.
Now, since I only worked at this job for 6 weeks, I can't collect unemployment. I'd have had to have at least 20 weeks. And in Ohio, you cannot collect unemployment if you get fired or quit a job, period. You have to be laid off.
I just feel sick over it now. My husband and I have literally gone through a combined 5 jobs layoffs since 2006. He was out of work for a year, between 2009-2010. The last year both of us worked full time, all year, was in 2005. We've never been able to get back on track financially since then, when one or the other of us is usually out of work.
I feel like such a screw up now, having lost this job. I'm not a lazy person. I've worked since I was 16, and worked full time even when my kids were tiny babies, and I had to put them in daycare. I've tolerated several less than ideal jobs just to be able to feed my kids. I don't like having to be solely financially dependent on my husband, and I just like working, getting out of the house every day. I'd even have stayed at this last job, miserable as it was, until something better came along, for the sake of having a paycheck coming in, if not for my boss deciding to let me go.
I'm looking for another job, but the job market is shot here in the Cleveland area, and there's slim pickings. I applied for a few more jobs with the place I got let go from (in other departments of course), even though I don't know if they'd even rehire me. They're the second largest employer in Ohio (Walmart is #1 - ha!), and so they're pretty much the only place around here doing a significant amount of hiring. I'm just terrified about how long it's going to take me to find another job.
My husband works 6-7 days a week, including weekends, and sometimes varying shifts, so that limits the hours I can work, having two kids. Not to mention having to earn enough to pay my 9 year old son's $612 a month full time summer camp expenses and taxes and bus fare, etc, (and still have money left over for bills), if I go back to work this summer, so I can't just take a minimum wage job. I also have school tuition starting back up in the fall, a lot more money now that my daughter is starting high school.
We simply can't afford to live off my husband's income alone, period, no matter how much we cut back, tuition or not. And I have no idea how I'm even going to afford my kids' back to school expenses, with me not working, as school starts back in just over a month.
I just feel so overwhelmed and discouraged, depressed, and scared right about now. I haven't even told my kids yet that I've lost my job. I'm embarrassed and also I don't want my daughter to worry. She has an anxiety disorder, and worries if I'm upset, or she knows that money is tight for my husband and I.
And my son was so excited about getting to go to summer day camp this summer. He loves all the field trips he's been going on, and getting to go swimming. If he's home with me the rest of the summer, I'll have no extra money and no transportation to do much of anything fun with him. I feel so terrible having to tell him he can't go back to summer camp.
We also have a bunch of other urgent expenses I can't afford to pay now that I lost my job, including needing work on our minivan. And my husband's really struggling with his diabetes now too, despite doing his best to keep it under control, and do what the doctor says, and I'm scared about that too.
Sorry to ramble, but 2011 was a lousy year for my entire extended family, and now 2012 is going horribly, too.
One older sister had to have major surgery on her back, and due to her back problems, is now disabled and can't work. She's getting disability through her former employer, but not much, and she wants to work, besides.
My oldest brother has his own small business, and since the beginning of the year, had had one customer after another screw him over by not paying, leaving him in a financial bind.
He and his wife saved up enough money to take their kids on a long overdue, badly needed vacation, only to get all of their luggage stolen from their rental van, on their way home, when they stopped at a restaurant. They lost nearly all of theirs and their kids' summer clothes, shoes, money their teens had in their luggage, one son's wallet and debit card, the kids' souvenirs, etc. Their auto insurance won't cover a penny of it, and my brother estimated it'll cost about $2,500 to replace everything (for 2 adults and 5 kids/teens), money they don't have.
Then if that wasn't bad enough, my brother's oldest son nearly died the other day. He's been in the hospital all week, recuperating from a planned surgery on his chest. He was doing great until a nurse messed up his IV, causing a blood clot, air bubble, and huge infection. He went into septic shock, had a high fever, low blood pressure, high heart rate, and was lethargic. He had to be moved into the ICU. My brother and his wife are former EMT's, and know for a fact that the messed up IV caused it. He's out of the ICU now, and doing better, thank God, but it's still awful that my brother and his wife had to deal with that, period, on top of everything else.
They've also suffered a lot of other misfortune in the past year, besides the stuff I've mentioned, so that was like the final straw. Pretty ironic that two bad things happened to me and my family on Friday the 13th of all days, huh?
My other siblings and my widowed mom are also going through hard times as well right now, about various things. It feels like things are just destined to be hard for my entire family.
I'm trying so hard to keep it together for my kids' sake, and not cry in front of them, but I feel like a wreck. If any of you ladies who were kind enough to read this whole rambling post are of the praying type, please pray for me and my family. We really need it. Thank you.